8 first date ideas to avoid at all costs

First dates are a delicate thing; your conversation topics, what moves are or are not made and the general vibe of your chemistry are all important. But where you are and what you do is important too. Here are some terrible ideas for first dates that you should avoid.

8 Messy Food
Nothing is hotter than a wing sauce covered future lover. If this is your kind of fetish then by all means, go ahead and eat some greasy, saucy finger food. This includes but is not limited to manwiches, Ethiopian food, ribs, riblets, bloomin’ onions, and halal carts.

7 A Shitty Bar
Don’t go to some depressing neighborhood bar where middle-aged alcoholics gather after work just so they don’t have to go home. Make sure wherever you go, there’s some type of scene with people your age.

6 Your Apartment
Whoa, pump the brakes hoss. It’s a little too soon for that. Even if she agrees initially, she’ll probably cancel or stand you up when it comes time for the date. Oh, wait it’s *that* kind of first date and you’re just trying to eliminate the middle man? Then by all means…

5 The Cinema
This is no good because what have you actually done together? You sat side by side and watched other people talking. You didn’t talk to each other and you barely even looked at each other. Save this for when you’re married.

4 Your Basement
This is even worse than the apartment… especially if your apartment IS THE BASEMENT. And just for the record, I have a basement apartment.

3 Somewhere She Works/You Work
Of all the horrible date ideas, this takes the cake. Sure it might seem to be a good idea to get better-than-average service at the eatery she waitresses at or get extra special shoes at the bowling alley you act as “Pin Consultant” for, but it’s not, so don’t. Choose some neutral ground for nondenominationaldeity’s sake. If you’re at her work, you’re constantly going to be sidelined by chatter from her co-workers. If you’re at your job you know damn well that your co-workers are going to try to fuck it up for you in a most hilarious (to them) fashion.

2 A Wedding
First of all, weddings are a great place to MEET single chicks, not BRING them. Banquet food is not romantic. Giving her the wrong idea about how high your commitment level is is just plain creepy.

1 A Buffet
Are you fucking kidding me?

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