CanesTime board member DannyBoyCane13 holds ‘presser’ to address rumors
Will Brinson
Are you a member of any team- or school-affiliated message boards? Like Rivals or Scout or whatever? If not, have you ever wandered into one of those metaphorical feces-flinging trollgaze parties that occur on the free boards on these sites?
If you have, you understand that the people there are a little looney and can get worked into a rage pretty freaking quickly. If you haven’t, well you’re in luck, because one of these guys — specifically DannyBoyCane13 from CanesTime.com — held an Internet press conference to address some rumors that have circulated on the message board about his life.
Specifically, that he was a) killed by a bear, b) killed by swine flu and c) skipping out on his child support payments. To answer your immediate questions: No, this is not an Onion piece. Yes, DannyBoyCane13 is probably jacked on ‘roids. And, yes, this is the most amazing five minutes and 40 seconds of my life to date.
In case you don’t believe me, I’ve transcribed some of the best quotes from his rant and put them below the video, should you need inspiration to watch. (Some NSFW language — headphones advised.)
“FOR PEOPLE TO BELIEVE THAT — GUYS LIKE SEBASTIAN91, HULKACANIAC … AND BIGPOPPAKANE AND EVERYONE ELSE OF HIS BUDDIES ON CANESTIME WHO REALLY THINKS I WAS ATTACKED BY A BEAR AND HAD THE SWINE FLU AND THINK I’M THIS JERK WHO DOESN’T PLAY CHILD SUPPORT … IT’S ABSOLUTE GARBAGE AND IT’S RUBBISH AND IT’S NOT TRUE! AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT.”
THERE WAS NO SWINE FLU ON ME.”
“I DON’T HAVE KIDS. IF I DID, I WOULD HAVE DEALT WITH THIS PRIVATELY.”
“I AM NOT THE FATHER OF THOSE.”
Hurricane Message Boards User “Dannyboycane13″ Addresses The Rumors – [BarStool Sports]
Via Tom Curran of CSNNE on Twitter
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