Woman pepper sprays crowd to steal beer and bacon

Colin Joliat Staff Writer

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A woman has been arrested for stealing beer and bacon from a Piggly Wiggly. The story is a week old, but by picking hilarious items and pepper spraying employees, I think she’s earned an extra 3 minutes of fame.

Athens-Clarke County Police Department

Instead of accepting she was caught, she tried to make a break for it. Shockingly, 340lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal couldn’t get away before security caught up. Instead of queuing the Benny Hill theme for a hilarious chase, she broke out the pepper spray and went Lieutenant John Pike on everyone. Shortly thereafter, police arrived and the fun was over.

Cops prepared an inventory of the items Appling sought to swipe: five packages of cheese; eight cans of Coors Light; vegetable oil; chicken wings; and five packages of bacon. As first reported by the Athens Banner Herald, she was charged with a variety of crimes, including aggravated assault, theft, simple battery, and disorderly conduct.

While in police custody, Appling told a cop to add whatever charges he wanted “because she was going to plea bargain and half of the charges would be dropped anyway,” according to the report. She also asked Officer Nathaniel Franco if her arrest would make the police blotter, requesting that the cop make his report “more interesting so that her arrest would make” the department’s compendium of notable incidents.

Appling is easily my new favorite criminal. Getting on Cops is no longer the goal. She wanted her incident to be notable, and I’m more than happy to help her with that. Her grocery list alone makes me want to write her letters in jail and stop by for conjugal visits. In her defense, she probably called the Bacon Hot Line and was just trying to follow their advice.

Bacon Lover In Piggly Wiggly Rampage [The Smoking Gun]