Maybe we can all stop the bacon thing now

Chris Spags Founder and Editor

The Internet is crazy about bacon. I like bacon, bacon cheeseburgers, bacon and eggs, whatever but I hardly think it’s worth fetishizing. So anyway, since I don’t agree with something, I have to ruin it for everyone else (see: the making of hot dogs). This is how bacon is made.

You know what’s a good sign for a food? When it has to be run THROUGH A METAL DETECTOR to make sure that there isn’t, I don’t know, a serrated blade or a T-1000 sticking out of your artery clogging pork bellies. I’m starting to think that watching how anything is made will automatically make me never want to eat it again. Unless hamburgers are made by humanely killing an elderly cow by having it euthanized or die of natural causes with its family lovingly by its side and then having nude women pose next to it, I’m seriously contemplating never watching one of these videos again. Like would you be shocked if a tuna is violently raped and dragged through manure before being served to you in a neat little can with a beret-wearing tuna in the front? Not only would I not be shocked, I’d be slightly disappointed. Unless the tuna were drugged at a frat party and raped by a trusted friend. Either way, rape is key to making delicious tuna. Now you know.

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