Man dies at screening of new Twilight film

Shawn Norris

A 23-year-old man died this weekend while at the newest Twilight film. People are dying to see this movie. Literally. What a waste…

A 23-year-old man described as a “transient” was found dead in a Wellington, New Zealand theater after attending a 6 PM screening of Twilight: Eclipse.

“Transient” or not, I can’t think of a worse way to spend the last few hours of my life than watching angsty teen vampires fight werewolves while Kristen Stewart rattles off moody dialogue and pretends she is an actress for two hours. If your last thoughts on this Earth are “I think I’m with team Edward,” you have made probably made some terrible life decisions at some point.

twilight saga eclipse Man dies at screening of new Twilight film

But let’s get to the real issue here people. The Twilight movies are killing people. Eclipse just killed a guy. Never heard of any of the Harry Potter movies offing anyone while in theaters. Brass tacks: Twilight: Eclipse is a murderer. The acting and dialogue are so terrible that people cannot physically make it through the entire movie without succumbing to death. People would rather cease to remain on this planet than watch these films. And who can blame them? Products and previews for these damn things are plastered on every billboard, lunchbox and film site I visit these days. It’s absolutely suffocating.

Cause of death: Suffocation by Twilight. What’s the police code for that? Ah, nevermind. I’m probably not even going to call it in anyway for the sake of this guy’s reputation. Rest in peace, sir. Hopefully you’ve gone to a place void of vampires.

Man Dies Watching Latest ‘Twilight’ Film [Cinematical]

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