A Gentleman’s Agreement: Going to a restaurant
Kevin Arnold
Your typical guys’ night probably doesn’t involve much more culinary adventure than a trek to the local sports bar or neighborhood pub. Outside of a few special occasions like birthdays and bachelor parties, it doesn’t even occur to many guys that there are plenty of conveniently located dining options whose menus don’t include the words “beer battered,” “smothered,” or “heart attack.”
I love a plate of extra suicide sauce wings as much as the next dude, but a man can’t survive on quesadillas and onion rings alone. Okay, maybe you’d like to test just how long you can survive on a diet of only quesadillas and onion rings, but your small intestine probably doesn’t. And anyway why would you, when there are so many other great restaurants where you could be grabbing a bite to eat with a buddy before hitting the bars or taking in a game?
“Fine dining” for a lot of guys conjures up the thought of paying $26 (if not more) for a tiny plate of food you need to supplement with a drive-thru run on the way home. Not to mention that the only time many guys will set foot inside something called a Vietnamese bistro is when a date drags them there kicking and screaming. It’s no surprise, then, that the idea of sitting down to a plate of panko-breaded calamari with another dude might seem a bit too much like, well, a date. But it doesn’t have to, and there are plenty of guy-friendly establishments nowadays where you can get dinner with a friend and still feel comfortable, not to mention full after you’re done eating.
As a rule of thumb, stay away from restaurants that are too concepty (sustainable squid ink, anyone?), or where the lighting and noise-level are too low. Anything French, basically. This is a chance for you to eat the food that you want for a change, so take advantage of it and find a place that appeals to both of you. Your instincts will guide you in the right direction.
Plus, all of a sudden everything is half price now that you’re splitting the check. If you take a girl to that hot new Mexican-Ukrainian place she tells you she’s been dying to try, you know damn well that you’re going to be the one footing the bill for her latkes with mole foam. But head downtown with a friend to the upscale steakhouse that causes you to spontaneously salivate every time you pass it on your way to work, and you only pay for the meat that you stuff in your own mug.
Saddle up to the bar, order yourself a nice single malt, and your night is already feeling more Entourage than Sex and the City.
On that note, take a quick glance around the room, and if it’s a Friday or Saturday night, chances are you’re going to nudge the guy you’re with to say, “Holy shit, there are girls here!” You’ll feel like a horny kid again, thumbing through your mom’s Sears catalog for the first time, because you’ve never seen them out at this hour, while you were mowing through your burger and chili fries at The End Zone. Where do you think all those girls came from, before you’re drunkenly spitting desperate pick-up lines at them from across the bar?
If there’s one thing girls love as much as shoes, it’s eating together at a restaurant. Now you can intercept them early, before they’re already three hours and four martinis deep into a girls’ night out and feeling like they “just want to dance.” By sipping your drink and sending them over a bottle of moderately priced champagne, you and the dumbass you’re with instantly look like suave and debonair gentlemen compared to the drunk frat boys they’ll see later at the club doing shots of Jager.
But regardless of how the night ends up, you’re at least going to eat some good food and spend a little quality guy time. If you’re not an NFL starter or a Wall Street exec then you won’t be doing it every weekend, but it’s a nice change of pace from your standard bar scene and menu. Set aside a little cash every few months and blow it on a nice meal with a great dude.
Unless you’re both on a strict chicken fingers and nachos diet. I’m thinking of giving that a shot.
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