Money for Men: Avoid going broke in a recession
Kevin Brink
With the stock market losing 600+ points yesterday and the S&P downgrading the United States debt rating late Friday, the economy has certainly seen better days. In fact, over the past two weeks the stock market has lost almost 15%. To put this in terms that most of us can understand, if Kim Kardashian lost 15% of her ass, she would lose 8.7 pounds! Unfortunately, as Congress argues over who is to blame and the news networks fiercely compete over who can paint the most horrific scenario of doom, there is one question that most have on their mind: How will this economic mess really affect my life?
Here are several things that we will probably all see in the near future and how to successfully thrive in this sad economic environment.
Going out of business sales will become a more familiar site in your local shopping centers and strip malls. However, these sales can be very dangerous if you do not know what you are doing. During a going out of business sale, often a professional liquidation company is hired to maximize the profitability of the store on death row. During the initial phase of liquidation, you are likely to see signs saying the entire store is 20-50% off the original price. However, this sometimes actually causes some of the prices of the products to be MORE expensive than they were before the sale started. A successful liquidator is like those crazy guys featured on Shark Week that chum the shark-infested waters with gallons and gallons of blood. Then they watch with delight as the uneducated consumers buy everything in site in a spending frenzy, believing that they are getting a once in a lifetime deal.
Check cashing establishments, cash for gold stores, and pawn shops will be appearing in a greater frequency in your neighborhood. The general rule of thumb is that when the ration of pawn shops to convenient stores raises to 5:1 in your town, it may be time to move to a better location. Also be on the lookout for streets in which every house has a different stolen shopping cart in their backyard, and the local kids play inside a burnt out, overturned police car as signs that your property value may be on the decline.
Your 401K retirement plan will take a hit. The most popular water cooler talk at the office will feature everyone from the boss to the janitor giving their non-expert advice about what to do with your 401K. Some will suggest that you take all your money out of the stock market and instead put it in the stable fund. Others will advise that you practice some patience and wait the crisis out. What the right answer is for you will depend on your unique situation that among other things includes your age, current financial status, and the severity of your porn addiction. Clearly, the prudent thing to do in this situation is to conduct a little research, take a little time to think this decision over and perhaps even consult an expert. Still, for the record, I would listen to the janitor.
The stench of layoffs will be in the air and you should start preparing for one. Sadly, as big corporations start to feel the pain of decreased stock prices, they often respond with bold initiatives to slash costs and increase profitability. Or in other words, they announce a big layoff. Although you may not have the ability to prevent being axed, you can put yourself in a better position. Along with smuggling home as much copy paper as possible, you should make sure to collect important phone numbers. Besides making obscene phone calls to those responsible for your demise, these numbers might also help you network to land your next job. In addition, it might be prudent to make copies of some of the projects that you have completed in hopes of being able to show it off during a future interview.
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