Money for Men: Avoiding common money mistakes
Kevin Brink
During these tough economic times, it is certainly an accomplishment if you can keep your head above water and manage to pay all of your bills. Unfortunately, sometimes we encounter “That Guy” who does not carry his own weight and freeloads off others. Here are five types of these leeches and some advice on how to deal with each of them.
The guy who always avoids his turn buying a round of drinks
Also known by his scientific name Avoidus Coltfortyfivus, when it is his turn to pay, he decides to leave early because of some lame excuse. This creature is also known to hide in the bathroom when he notices that the pitcher is becoming empty and returns gloriously after someone else picks up the next round.
The solution: Collaborate with your buddies beforehand to decide that the moocher will be responsible for getting the first round this time. Now, instead of getting your normal favorites, everyone spontaneously order an adult beverage containing a top shelf liquor. Celebrate loudly when he pays and tell all female patrons that you are celebrating his release from prison for being a deadbeat dad.
The guy who constantly orders the most expensive item on the menu and an extra appetizer and then is the first to suggest the group split the bill equally
While everyone else in the group orders a meal in the $8 to $15 range, this guy decides that he is going to order the $42 special of surf and turf. This mooch usually finds a way to order last so that none of his buddies get the same idea and increase the bill. It should be noted that it is equally lame when someone insists that he pay 49 cents less than the rest of the group since he didn’t have any of the wings.
The solution: Pre-arrange for the waitress to give each member of your party an individual bill. Have the offender’s bill delivered with an over-sized calculator and bribe the staff to sing ”It’s a Hard Knock Life for Me” (obviously the Jay-Z version).
The guy in the office that never contributes to retirement, birthday, and wedding gifts but would scream bloody murder if his event was not celebrated
Certainly, there is one of these guys in every workplace. He has come up with every excuse in the book why he will not ante up a single dime. Of course, he is the first one in line to enjoy a nice piece of cake or sign the accompanying card.
The solution: When presenting the gift, make sure to specifically name every person who contributed. Start to say his name, but quickly and abruptly stop yourself. Bonus points if you are able to deny him a piece of cake!
The guy who peddles his daughter’s Brownie troop fundraiser but never buys from anyone else
This tool goes on and on about how his kid just needs to win her fundraising contest so she earn some kind of badge or pin. Worse yet, this guy acts like if you don’t buy the goods he is peddling, his daughter will not be able to get the kidney transplant needed to save her life. And when it comes time for him to return the favor and buy something for someone else’s annoying kid, he never has the money.
The solution: Proudly display a generous supply of whatever he is trying to sell, saturating the market by giving it away to co-workers. In a couple of weeks, laugh about the stories he tells about having to send his daughter to a psychologist since she was kicked out of her troop.
The loser brother-in-law that always needs a loan
It is amazing that this guy is now 42 years-old and has not been able to hold down the same job for over 16 months. But since he came from the same womb as your beloved wife, you are stuck helping him out.
The solution: Tell him all your disposable income was lost investing with a guy name Madoff. Or get a divorce.
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