Money for Men: How to spend money at the strip club
Kevin Brink
Each year, millions of American men frequent their local strip club establishment. Although it is great that they are supporting the economy and perhaps some local single mothers, they should not have to blow their entire paycheck for a night of fun. Luckily, there are several strategies to help avoid this most serious problem.
Use good old-fashioned American ingenuity
On February 9th, 1992 an episode of Married with Children aired that changed countless lives. In this famous episode, Al Bundy brought his only son to his most favorite place in the world — “The Nudie Bar.” It was here that Al revealed the world’s best trick for saving money at a strip club — the dollar bill tied with a string. Yes, the legendary Mr. Bundy was able to tip his favorite dancer, and then simply pull the strip and get an immediate refund. Why there has never been a Bud Light “Real Men of Genius” commercial honoring him, I will never know.
Nevertheless, for this article, I asked several strip club owners if they ever have to kick patrons out for this “Al Bundy maneuver.” However, none would answer my question on the record and all appeared very concerned that my article would spark a resurgence in this money-saving practice.
Other gentlemen club schemes that have worked in the past include renting a wheelchair and getting free, sympathy lap dances the entire night. In addition, you could always borrow your buddy’s Marine uniform and proclaim that you are shipping out to Iraq the next day — can you say free drinks?
Be like a Boy Scout and be prepared
Another method to save money at a strip club is to perform some preventative maintenance on yourself before you go. No, I am not talking about any type of metrosexual grooming. Instead, I am saying that you need to make sure that you have released some extra “baby batter” prior to departing. By doing so, you have a much better chance of thinking with your brain longer than the first twenty seconds after the initial bra hits the stage.
Make sure your wallet is prepared too
Don’t be that guy who was dumb enough not to bring a gigantic wad of singles. Do be the guy who doesn’t bring any credit or ATM cards so the damage you actually can do is limited. Remember, you just might not be thinking with your head the entire night!
Volunteer to be the designated driver
Yes, usually this would be an incredibly stupid idea. But when the beers are $13.50 each and you have a topless waitress trying to sell you a $300 bottle of Grey Goose, it might be wise to sit this round out. When you are able to send your kid to college, you will know your sacrifice was worth it.
Understand the danger that lurks behind the red curtain
Whether they call it a backroom, private room, VIP area, or the Champagne Room, most strip clubs will have a section in which the strippers will give you a more private performance. Now what goes on in these rooms will obviously differ on the type of the establishment, the stripper’s drug habit, and how much money you actually flash. Just realize that for the vast majority of cases, Chris Rock was right and “There is no sex in the Champagne Room.”
With the use of these money saving tips, you just might be able to leave a strip club with some money left in your bank account. Sure, Misty, Destiny, and Sapphire will have to find some other way to pay for acting lessons, but at least you might be able to afford braces for your children.
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