Money for Men: How to win the credit card game

Here is a news flash for all of you — Americans are obsessed with credit cards. Even though credit cards have been around since the 1920’s, we seem to remain fascinated with the fact that we can swipe a plastic card and walk out of a store with a 64 inch HDTV, or present it at our favorite massage parlor in Chinatown and walk out a very satisfied customer. Unfortunately, when the bill arrives the next month and we discover that we do not have the money for our spending spree, we blame the evil credit card companies. In fact, any type of variation of the phrase “credit cards are evil” will produce at least 13 million Google results.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I am not going to waste anyone’s time trying to defend the credit card companies. The simple fact is that these companies’ primary goal is to separate you from as much as your money as they can. Instead, I offer you a way to deliver the most powerful blow to the industry since Tyler Durden blew up several banks’ headquarters in Delaware in 1999. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, then you need to immediately stop reading this article and pray that the makers of Chia Pet develop a formula for you to actually grow some balls.)

Think of every credit card transaction as a game. In this game, there will be exactly one winner and one loser. Basically, the credit card company is betting that you will spend more than you are capable of paying back within the grace period (when your bill is due) and that you will incur financing charges and/or late fees. Thus, the second that they collect a single extra cent over the price of the goods/services that were charged, they win the game.

Conversely, if the consumer is able to pay the bill in full, they will be declared the winner by Chuck Norris and every other judge. Reason being, at the very least, they will have essentially received an interest free loan. Consider an example in which Abe Froman decided to go to treat his friends to a nice lunch at a fancy French restaurant in downtown Chicago. The group goes a little crazy on the drinks and the bill comes to $10,000. Abe decides to use his Visa and charges the meal. When his statement comes the next month, he promptly pays the entire bill. Making matters even better for Abe, he was able to earn interest on this $1,000 in his ING account for an extra 30 days (the time between the lunch and when he actually paid his credit card bill) and made an extra $8.30. Also, Abe got a nice chunk of air travel points from this transaction, so he is now that much closer to being able to earn a free trip

Consequently, you can be just like Abe and win the credit card game if you take advantage of whatever introductory gimmick they are offering, and then simply pay the full amount when you get your first statement. Just like Lindsay Lohan, it truly is that easy. However, that does not mean that one should go around town opening every credit account with every store that you visit. Apparently, having too many credit cards can negatively effect your credit score, as I guess they worry that you will go crazy, charge up a storm, and then flee to some island to live the rest of your life off the grid. In addition, using the strategy of opening a multitude of credit card accounts and then closing them as soon as you have made them your bitch can also harm your credit score. I really have no idea why, but I suspect it is just because they are just a little bitter that they have to constantly update your credit report.

Obviously, the above advice is not exactly rocket science. Indeed, this article could have been written by any 7 year-old kid who was too lazy to find the remote while CNBC was playing. However, it is striking that so many of us fall victim to the “evil credit card companies” and donate our hard earned money to them. And one just has to look at the annual reports of any company that offers a credit card or the growing number of debt relief/consolidation services to see who is currently winning the game. Still, since men are naturally competitive creatures, perhaps if we truly do view each of our credit card transactions as a game, we will try a little harder to win.

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