Money for Men: The Cheapest Man in the World
Kevin Brink
He may not always drink beer, but when he does it will always be from one of those brands you can only get at the liquor store in the ghetto.
He has never paid an ATM fee. In fact, once the ATM gave him an extra $2.50 just for using it.
He has never bought Girl Scout Cookies or anything else from a co-worker at the office. Yet, his daughter has to carry all her badges around in a wheel barrel thanks to all of his office soliciting efforts.
He once was the hero in an unfortunate accident involving a penny clogging a whale’s blow hole. The whale did die, but the penny survived to live another day.
He regularly travels an extra 3 miles to save 3 cents a gallon on gas. And no, he doesn’t waste any gas doing this since he coasts down a hill (both ways) in neutral.
When he negotiates the price on a new car, he makes the dealer wait in the office while he “checks with his boss to see if we can lose money on this one deal.”
He once broke a nickel in half with his bare hands to make sure to give an exact 15% tip — to a stripper.
He once went into a dollar store with a stack of $2 off coupons and left the store a happy man.
This year he got his entire spring wardrobe at various lost and founds.
The last time he had to buy toilet paper was in 1999 since he only uses his work facilities to conduct his important business.
He once survived for an entire week by shaking various snack vending machines around his neighborhood until they gave up some product.
He always orders the Hamburger Deluxe minus the deluxe and is able to convince the waitress to give him a discount.
He decided to make his first non-collect call to his mother in 2009. Yes, it was Mother’s Day.
He was able to successfully convince his future wife that getting a diamond engagement ring was cruel since diamonds have been known to cause choking deaths in dolphins.
He once made 2 dozen cookies using sugar packets he stole from Starbucks.
Birds pay him $1.99 to download an app called Angry Cheap Guy.
He has been using the same can of shaving cream since 1997, and it is still about half full.
He refuses to ante up any money to for various office celebrations for such things as baby showers and birthdays. Yet a week has never passed without him leaving with at least one piece of cake.
Stay cheap my friends!
comment on this story
blog comments powered by Disqus