Money for Men: Who should I tip?
Kevin Brink
Do me a favor and ask anyone you know who has ever worked in the service industry the following question: Who generally tips better — men or women? After they answer “men” come back to your computer and read the rest of this article.
The reasons for this phenomenon are certainly one of life’s great mysteries and subject to much debate. Perhaps it is as simple as the fact that men have been programmed by society to think that nonchalantly tipping handsomely makes us look cool. Maybe men are just trying to use tipping to impress our dates and/or hot waitresses. Nevertheless, this mindset would not explain our benevolence toward the guys who wash our cars or move our furniture. For some reason, embedded in every American man’s DNA, is a series of genes that compels us to be more concerned about being viewed as a generous tipper than members of the opposite sex.
With this is mind, let us look at how men should handle some common tipping situations.
Fast Food Establishments
After you are done ordering your Big Mac and fries, you pay for your meal and see a crappy looking cup labeled “Tips” in front of the register. Do you put your spare change in that cup?
Answer: No. Never! First of all, if you do encounter the above situation, it is possible that the establishment is going a little rogue, as many fast food companies prohibit their employees from taking tips. Notwithstanding, feel free to live by this tip I have stole from some guy on the Internet: When eating out, if you are responsible for disposing of your own garbage, then there is no tip needed. In addition, if you are bringing a date to a fast food place, you have no chance at impressing her, so tipping generously is completely futile. Moreover, and this may be a little mean, but the chances of finding an attractive woman of legal age at a fast food joint are pretty slim, thus erasing the last possible reason to tip.
Your Local Coffee Dispenser
By far, the subject of tipping your caffeine providers is one of the most fiercely debated subjects known to modern man. Don’t take my word for it. If you ever feel like killing a couple of hours, Google “should I tip at Starbucks” and wade through the pages and pages of endless idiotic internet debate. Yet the question remains, should you tip your local barista?
Answer: It depends. Yes, the coffee you are purchasing is already way overpriced. Still, if you make more than two customizations on your order, you should throw your spare change to their chosen form of tipping jar. In addition, I would tip your friendly coffee allocation engineer if they remember your usual order and are able to make some pleasant small talk with you every morning. However, if you are ordering a simple drip coffee and/ or the server can barely manage to grunt a hello or thank you, then in your Soup Nazi voice say, “No tip for you!” And again, you obviously tip your barista if she happens to be hot and you think you might have a chance.
The Housekeeper at a Hotel
After you figure out how to use the TV remote in your hotel room to review your in-room porn charges and check out, do you leave a tip for your housekeeper?
Answer: It depends. If you stay only one night, it all depends if you are traveling alone, or have a guest in your room that you want to impress. If you have no one to impress, you can skip this tip on a one night stay.
If you stay more than one night, you should shell out $2 to $4 per night. After all, not all housekeepers have people like Arnold Schwarzenegger to pay for their plastic surgery. In addition, if you trash the place up a little, I would provide a much more generous tip. Consider it hush money that she won’t report you to management and avoid getting your credit card charged with some type of extra cleaning fee.
Other People You MUST Tip
Pizza Delivery Guy — The pizza distribution industry is very important for the survival of men, so you must always tip your driver — $2 minimum, and 15 to 20% of the total order. Throw in an extra dollar during bad weather and during the Super Bowl. And it does not matter if there is already a delivery charge, as it is unlikely that the delivery guy gets any of that money.
Car Wash Guy — If he just half-asses it with a Sham-Wow-like rag he will get $2 to $3. A guy who really gets down and dirty, vacuums the entire car including the trunk, and acts like he is taking care of his own car will get $5 to $10. If the car wash guy is actually a woman in a bikini, normal rates are tripled.
Furniture Delivery Guys — Since it will usually be a two man crew, give them each $5. If there are multiple/heavy pieces, then make it $10 each. And on a hot day always offer them a cold drink.
Skycaps at the Airport — Minimum is a $1 a bag, but I would go with $2. After all, do you really think all “lost luggage” is an accident?
follow guyism:
Other Stories You Might LIke
12 things that only a douchebag would say
Letters to the Guyism Editor with Chris Spags – Volume III
Letters to the Guyism Editor with Chris Spags – Volume II
comment on this story
blog comments powered by Disqus