Owning a dog has the same impact on environment as an SUV?

This might be sacrilege in our modern “Let’s go give a handjob to a tree” society, but I’m not big on the Go Green movement. The earth was around long before us and will be here long after we exterminate ourselves through war, pollution, and Zhu Zhu Pets. Here’s why I believe what I do: A new book features a study shows that owning a dog causes as much pollution as owning a massive SUV.

Man’s best friend could be one of the environment’s worst enemies, according to a new study which says the carbon pawprint of a pet dog is more than double that of a gas-guzzling sports utility vehicle.

But the revelation in the book “Time to Eat the Dog: The Real Guide to Sustainable Living” by New Zealanders Robert and Brenda Vale has angered pet owners who feel they are being singled out as troublemakers.

The Vales, specialists in sustainable living at Victoria University of Wellington, analysed popular brands of pet food and calculated that a medium-sized dog eats around 164 kilos (360 pounds) of meat and 95 kilos of cereal a year.

Combine the land required to generate its food and a “medium” sized dog has an annual footprint of 0.84 hectares (2.07 acres) — around twice the 0.41 hectares required by a 4×4 driving 10,000 kilometres (6,200 miles) a year, including energy to build the car.

“Owning a dog really is quite an extravagance, mainly because of the carbon footprint of meat,” [John Barrett at the Stockholm Environment Institute] said.

The point isn’t that “owning a dog is an extravagance.” The point is that no matter what you’re doing unless you’re living in a forest, eating a self-replicating berry and using your feces as both toothpaste and face wash, odds are you’re doing damage to the environment. People think going to Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods is somehow helping the environment…newsflash: They have to mass produce things as well. And I’m pretty sure I once saw Trader Joe cut down a tree, light it on fire, and dance around it in some sort of Satanic ritualistic sacrifice.

If you really want to save the environment, give your dog a big hug. And the next time he takes a dump, throw it in the face of the nearest person wearing any article of clothing made of hemp. A small step to making the planet a better place.

[Vancouver Sun]

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