Thank God, someone is finally putting together a ‘Tomb Raider’ porn flick

Posted by Matt Hawkins on January 18th, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Well, a few Tomb Raider porn films probably already exist. And if you happen to know of others (or have even seen them), feel free to correct me! Don’t be shy.

Last month, Exquisite Films, which makes all manner of parody porn, announced that one tapping into Tomb Raider was in production. They even invited journalists to check out the set of Tomb Raider XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody, and if I was situated in Van Nuys, California, perhaps I might have stopped by. Perhaps.

Anyhow, stills from the movie have just been released. Crave Online got the exclusive first dibs; here’s the best of the bunch, if you can call them that…

Here we have faux-Laura Croft in action. I’m surprised that they chose to take an image that clearly exhibits how the actress has none of the comfort level (nor any qualities, really) that are required for such a role. Or perhaps this is simply the best pic they had handy, or perhaps maybe no one involved cares enough to even consider such things…

Here we have Laura with some dude in a hotel room, haggling over money. Either he wants to buy a precious piece of treasure or just wants to pay to have sex with her. Gee, I wonder which it could be…

And here we have Laura killing the dude whom she just had sex with…

I’m not super familiar with the franchise, but I can’t recall Laura ever fighting with some chick in white tights and black-feathered wings. But I have a strong feeling that parody porns don’t stick to the subject material all that much. $20 also says that the woman playing Laura is not British…

For those further curious of Exquisite Films’ abilities, here’s a trailer to a flick that’s already in the can. It’s not game related per say, but many of the stars have appeared in video games (their non porn star equivalents at least)…

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Matt Hawkins Matt Hawkins is an NYC based video game journalist, designer, consultant, and cultralist. He's been published in EGM and GameSetWatch amongst others. Matt also makes comics and zines, is obsessed with cable access, gets into arguments with homeless people all the time, and once had his nipple bitten off during a one night stand. But that's neither here nor there.