The 7 kinds of people you’ll meet at a New Year’s party

With the exception of the people trying to commit social suicide, everyone makes plans for New Year’s Eve. It’s another one of those obligatory party nights where you’re required to go out just so you can have a “new years” story the next Monday at work. Whether you’re out partying at the hottest club or you’re socializing at a house party, you’re going to run into these same 7 people.

1. Mr. Resolution

…can be easily spotted when he gets right up in your face and asks you about your new year’s resolutions. He’s a wannabe inspirational speaker who never managed to make a living off of his motivational Youtube series. No matter what you say to him, he’ll come back at you with a positive response. Tell him you want to lose your gut and he’ll say go for it. Tell him you want to kill your wife, he’ll tell you to keep reaching for your dreams.

2. Mr. Midnight Kiss

…looks desperate and anxious from the movement he arrives. The closer it gets to midnight, the more he panics that he will have no one to kiss. Instead of trying to be charming and kissable, he’ll hit on every party guests (the later it gets, the less gender matters) in an attempt to see if they’ll be good midnight material. There are higher chances he’ll be forced to leave the party for sexual harassment, than he will actually find someone to kiss.

3. The PDA Couple

…spends the party permanently attached at the lips. They take short breaks in their make-out session to continually move locations and grace everyone with their almost-pornographic presence. Beware when midnight strikes because they’ll turn their make-out session into a full on sex romp not suitable for anyone with a weak stomach.

4. The Middle-Ager

…should probably be at home watching Whose Line Is It Anyways reruns with his wife. But no, instead he insists on slicking back his half-a-head of hair and heading out for a night of partying. He’s the one hitting on the young girls, requesting all the 80′s throwbacks, and asleep in the corner by the time midnight rolls around.

5. The Debbie Downer

…walks around all night reminding everyone about everything horrible that’s happened in the past year. At some point he’ll just start handing out printouts with the list of the 2009 celebrity death soiree. He’ll ring in the new year by reminding everyone that Iraq is only getting worse, the swine flu epidemic is going strong, and his wife left him for his father.

6. The Alcoholic

…has been steadily drinking nonstop new years ’09, so by the time midnight rolls around he’ll be crawling to the bar. He’s the only one in the place who is truly taking advantage of the open bar situation. Sure he’ll be singing auld lang syne in between bouts of throwing-up on the other party guests, but the good news for him is that he won’t remember any of it in the morning.

7. The Ryan Seacrest Fan

…actually seems to enjoy listening to what comes out of Ryan Seacrest’s mouth. He’s the one constantly shushing everyone and asking to turn up the TV volume. By the time the countdown starts he’s practically making out with the TV set.

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