The 7 most annoying beachgoers

Nothing is more relaxing than hanging out with some friends and enjoying some nice weather on the beach. That is, until the day is ruined by douchebags, speedo wearers, and others who have an inability for normal fun under the sun.

Here are the seven most annoying beachgoers you’ve undoubtedly encountered this summer.

7 The Perverted Old Man

A short glance at the college chick rockin a thong is more than o.k., but ogling the group of high school teens is just downright creepy old man. Just because your ‘ol lady’s fun bags are down to her belly button doesn’t mean you have to turn into Woody Allen. Perhaps a pair of sunglasses and a heavy dose of Chris Hansen would do you some good.

6 The Potheads

The beach is understandably a perfect place to relax. Blue skies, the breeze off the water, and maybe a few libations to soothe your thirst. But pulling out your multi-chambered bong like it’s a scene from “Half-Baked” is not exactly the preferred method of drawing attention away from oneself. Stick to the one-hitter, maybe even roll up some joints and find a secluded spot. Leave “Billy Bong Thornton” in the privacy of your own home.

5 The Attention Whore

No male with functioning genitalia will ever complain about a scantily clad chick in a bikini. But when that chick is repeatedly loud, obnoxious and downright annoying, feel free to bop her over the head with a nearby floatie. Just don’t knock her out completely….she’s useful for some fun later in the night.

4 The Sports Junkie

Tossing the pigskin around and playing a few games of beach volleyball are good ways to build up a sweat before taking a dip in the water. 6 hours of competitive paddleball, beach soccer, and ultimate Frisbee on the other hand is just too much to handle. It’s not the Summer Olympics and you’re not a roided up Ben Johnson–take it down a notch.

3 The Foreigners

In other countries, it may be kosher to strut around in your speedo. But excuse my cultural ignorance as you’re standing entirely too close to me in your banana hammock kind sir. This is the U-S-A, we like to keep Jimmy and the twins packed away behind more than a thin piece of lycra. Oh yea, and politely inform your wife this isn’t a nudist colony.

2 The Jersey Shore Douchebags

When 5 or more tatted up, muscle bound freaks start showing off their abs to every single beachgoer, we have more than a “Situation” on our hands. Listen, head up to the Shore, grab your girl Snooki and fist pump elsewhere. Just make sure she doesn’t get fist pumped in the face this time.

1 The PDA Couple

You wanna goose your lady when she bends over–go right ahead buddy. I won’t deny a man’s God given right to cop a feel. But dry humping and making out for an entire afternoon like it’s some soft core porn is scaring the children. I have the adult channel in HD at home–I don’t need it on the beach.

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