The Accidental Adult: Finding a hobby
Colin Sokolowski
“The Accidental Adult” is the brainchild of author Colin Sokolowski. In his weekly “Guyism Opinions” column, Colin will tackle some of the issues that come up in your march to being a serious adult man.
Try this icebreaker at your next kegger. Ask someone you’ve never met before what she does for a living and try, really try, to appear captivated instead of bored to tears. Then approach a completely different stranger and ask her what hobby really lights her fire (when she’s not working her mind-numbing, thankless job). Unless that first guest is a dolphin trainer, a stuntwoman or an aerobics instructor, I guarantee you’ll find the second stranger infinitely more fascinating. And probably better looking.
It’s your interests that make you interesting. That’s why you’ll want to secure a hobby or two that sounds impressive to others. An added bonus is if you actually enjoy said hobby. Trouble is, when most dudes discuss their hobbies, the conversation quickly moves into a recruitment effort, and they’re often less than truthful. Passion obscures logic. Potential dangers are sugarcoated. Costs are hidden. Boredom becomes sold as excitement.
Before you commit to taking on a new pastime or two, it’s important to know what you can expect. So here’s the skinny on some of the most common hobbies and interests embraced by guys today and why you should avoid them at all costs.
Outdoors
Let’s begin with the most common and least interesting recreational activity known to man: enjoying the outdoors. My years spent observing outdoors enthusiasts have raised more questions than answers, questions that tend to infuriate true naturalists, such as:
— Can any reasonable couple actually consider an outward bound weekend a romantic getaway when the itinerary includes tramping across dusty trails, bathing in leech-filled ponds and defecating behind trees?
— Why does something as simple as the pure, uncorrupted experience of walking up a hill require hundreds of dollars of sophisticated hiking equipment and navigational gear?
— How can you not laugh when someone suggests pitching a tent? (“I see someone already has” is my stock response.)
Nature may be God’s masterpiece. But a roof, four walls, a picture window and a thermostat are pretty damn beautiful too.
Homebrewing
Lately, I’ve decided the most annoying seven-word string is “You have got to try my homebrew!” I know many guys will say they genuinely love the craft of home brewing. They consider it an art form of sorts… a labor of love. I’d be more easily convinced of the merits of their endeavor if it ever produced something truly lovable, much less drinkable. It rarely does. I’ve tried a lot of lagers in my life, including dozens of homemade beers pushed on me by friends, and not a single one was worth trying again. In fact, most tasted like a glass of room-temperature, day-old coffee with a surprising yet disturbing hint of cough syrup in the aftertaste. Do you really want to drink anything concocted in a five-gallon bucket?
Coaching Youth Athletics
The older you get, the more likely you’ll get roped into one of the most common volunteer traps known to man -– the youth athletics coach. This is fine so long as you enjoy giving up nearly every Saturday morning of your life, robbing you of precious REM time. Coaching kids also requires remarkable restraint. You’re going to see a lot of goofy and sloppy behavior. Adult conduct, however, requires you to call juvenile players by their real names and not by the more colorful and accurate descriptors that naturally pop into your head, like Flopper Boy or Concussion Kid or Freeballer or Mr. Stumbles.
Home Theaters
Don’t get me wrong. Indulging in a home theater hobby is killer cool, especially if you have the money it demands. But like all hobbies, it requires some skills you may not readily possess:
— The ability to drill holes and snake cabling and wires through walls, ceilings and floors leaving virtually no visible evidence of wiring. If you can do this, generations should sing your praises in folk songs.
— The ability to correctly map and label all those wires to input/output jacks of the TV, TiVo DVR, receiver, Wii and DVD player so you’re not SOL when your drunk roommate disconnects that tangled mess of cables while digging behind the entertainment center looking for his Call of Duty: Black Ops PS3.
So what hobby would I recommend? Few people expect a man to cook, so any dude who masters the kitchen is considered a sophisticated, considerate, unexpected hero. And if there’s anything a guy loves, it’s recognition for exceeding society’s low expectations of himself. But more importantly, women love men who can cook. They find them charming, attractive and sensitive -– which can sometimes lead to dessert for the chef.
You’re welcome.
Looking for more advice on conquering adulthood? Follow Colin on Facebook or check out his book “The Accidental Adult” on Amazon.
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