The Guyism Cheat Sheet on the U.S. immigration situation
Eric Mack
You’ve probably heard about some new law in some state about illegal immigrants and how everyone’s pissed off about it or pissed off at the people that are pissed off about it, but what’s it actually about? Here’s the basics you need to know to sound intelligent, and even out-snark your geeky friends when it comes up.
The Immigration Situation
* There’s quite a few boat, truck, tunnel and trunk loads of people living in the United States who are considered to be “illegal” or “undocumented.” In other words, people who weren’t born here or didn’t become naturalized citizens. There’s estimated to be about 10 to 12 million of them, or as much as 3 to 4 percent of the country’s total population.
* Most undocumented immigrants are lured to the U.S. From Latin America by the promise of jobs. Mostly really crappy jobs; like, summer job from hell jobs when you were 16 – lots of strawberry picking, heavy lifting, meat handling, hole digging, manual-labor-in-the-hot-sun-or-a-hot-factory sort of work; oh, and at least one totally cushy “dog whisperer” job.
* There is federal immigration enforcement going on along the border, in workplace raids and deportations taking place around the country, but it’s sort of like preventing pregnancy and disease by using a prophylactic that just stops a handful of sperm or STD germs at a time. In other words, current immigration policy is kinda like those crappy, smelly lambskin condoms that are supposed to make it feel better, but in the end everyone’s more likely to end up screwed in more ways than one. (Everyone ,that is, except for employers who illegally hire illegal immigrants and are rarely penalized. In our analogy, they’d have to be kinda like guys who shoot blanks and only hook up with virgins – in other words, they’re totally creepy assholes.)
The New Law
So, Arizona’s new law that’s been getting so much attention, and is set to go into effect the last week of July, is meant to be a sort of badass, spermicide-laced super-rubber to fix the problem – keeping an alleged horde of millions of desert-crossing immigrants from finding purchase in the not-quite-virgin soil of Arizona’s job market, or at least that’s how the law’s supporters see it. It basically requires police to detain anyone they think might be in the state illegally for potential deportation.
Who’s Pissed Off About It
* Liberals/Progressives/Democrats point to the fact that there’s no real way to guess if someone is here illegally without racial profiling, which isn’t exactly cool, especially when a hefty chunk of the legal population fits the profile. Jokes about dark-skinned or well-tanned people skipping trips to Scottsdale should be a solid play right now among your lefty friends.
* Lots of Arizona Cops, but certainly not all of them, have expressed concerns about how the law will distract from their other law enforcement duties, stress resources that are already stretched thin and compromise trust that officers have built up with Latino communities. By the way, cops are being trained NOT to use racial profiling to enforce the law already, so they probably won’t find that same joke about skipping your trip to Tucson because you’ve got a sunburn very funny.
* The Federal Government sees the law as Arizona’s Republican majority preemptively pissing on its planned parade. The Obama administration and Democrats in Congress have promised to tackle immigration reform and basically say “besides, it’s supposed to be our job anyway,” and they’re trying to get the courts to block the law. BUT, then there’s…
What the Law’s Supporters Have to Say About All That
Which is that the feds haven’t done their job and the immigration system is broken – something nearly everyone agrees with – so the states might as well pick up the slack. As for that racial profiling stuff, some of the more militant supporters of the new law aren’t so overtly opposed to it, while others say it won’t happen, and besides it’s more important just to send a message – both to the federal government and to illegal and potential illegal immigrants that the state is serious about keeping them out. By that measure, no matter how they feel about racial profiling, you could say supporters of the law are nearly guaranteed success, since it’s already inspired boycotts and warnings to darker skinned folks on either side of the border to stay away from the state.
But Don’t Forget the Twist
Which is that a new federal immigration law, if Congress ever gets around to it, could include some sort of process for current illegal immigrants to get legal status, making the new law in Arizona kinda pointless, except maybe to help the federal government find undocumented people to help them become citizens. Drop that mind-blowing analysis at the next cocktail party to seriously impress your news-junky friends.
follow guyism:
Other Stories You Might LIke
Arizona governor uses puppet video to defend new immigration law
comment on this story
blog comments powered by Disqus