The ultimate bucket list for men: 50 things to do before you die
A. Isaac 
Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.
There are few things men can uniformly agree on. We spend most our time going back and forth on blondes vs. brunettes, curvy vs thin, boobs vs. butts, and more sports disagreements than we even care to include here. But undoubtedly, every man on earth can agree on this — live life to the fullest.
So before you breathe your last, before you kick the bucket, do some of the 50 things on this list.
50 Two Chicks At The Same Time
Peter Gibbons: “What would you do if you had a million dollars?”
Lawrence: “I’ll tell you what I’d do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.”
Unfortunately, Lawrence never gets his proper due for delivering one of the greatest lines in movie history. (“Office Space”-1999)
49 Attend Multiple Sporting Events In The Same Day
A single game may bring you joy but a second one can indeed be orgasmic for the diehard sports fan. Guyism’s advice? Shoot for a late autumn Saturday. A tailgate in the morning followed by an early afternoon college football game and then a NBA game at night. If you’re feeling extra saucy, rally the next day for a Sunday NFL tailgate/game.
48 Go To The Playboy Mansion
Some dream of a world free of war, others dream for an end to world hunger but for shallow men everywhere there is just one dream that stands head and shoulders above the rest. A trip to the Playboy Mansion. To just once enter the hallowed grounds and enjoy a cold beverage while bunnies run topless–just once. Truly, you would die a happy man.
47 Beat Up A Childhood Bully
Remember that kid that stole your milk money in elementary school? Remember that kid that pushed you off your bike? Well, thanks to Al Gore, we have this thing called the internet–so nobody is safe from a few good stalking techniques. Friend your old rival on Facebook and ask for a meet up. Then give him one in the kisser and run like hell.
46 Be A Groupie For A Girls Band
Gene Simmons allegedly slept with over 4600 women. Eric Clapton is well over the 1000 mark. And Bret Michaels, well, I’m sure a few hundred is a good estimate. Unfortunately, you don’t hear about the other side. Surely, there are female musicians who are feeling randy after a 4 hour concert right? So grab yourself a backstage pass and head off to the nearest Pussycat Dolls show. You won’t regret it.
45 Find Out If Jessica Simpson Is Indeed “Sexual Napalm”
Let’s ignore for a second that John Mayer is a gigantic douche and focus on his comments about former girlfriend Jessica Simpson. If a guy like Mayer, who has bedded Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Love-Hewitt says some chick is “sexual napalm” in the sack, then by God, I want to know what all the fuss is about.
44 Run With The Bulls
A bit cliche? Perhaps. But there may not be a stronger will to live than running for your life from a wild beast. Just make sure you’re really fast or have an unbelievable tolerance for pain in the rare chance you get gored.
43 Twins
Of the 50, this may be the hardest one to achieve. There are approximately 5 million identical female twins in the world. Not only do you have to find them, but you somehow have to convince them that an incestual sexual romp is in their best interests. Good luck on that. If you pull it off, please let us know. We’ll humbly erect a statue in your honor sir.
42 Hitchhike All The Way Across The Country
We’ve all wanted to take that cross-country road trip with friends, but doing it with complete strangers? That’s a whole other animal. Assuming you don’t get hacked up to pieces by a serial killing trucker, the wild stories alone would make you the hit at any party.
41 Attempt The Century Club
The ultimate way to warm up for a weekend bachelor party–100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. If you can last sans throwing up, your reward is a blacked out night reminiscent of “The Hangover”. Just be careful not to steal Mike Tyson’s tiger. He’ll get a tad upset.
40 Attend A Victoria’s Secret Show In Person
For many men, a Victoria’s Secret catalog is responsible for several hours of alone time in the bathroom. Attending a show in person? Assuming you have the imagination of Leonardo DiCaprio in “Inception”, that’s at least a decades worth of spank material. Less than 20 feet away as Marisa Miller and Miranda Kerr strut in front of you in bra and panties…yes, please.
39 Participate In An Eating Contest
There isn’t a guy out there who hasn’t bragged about his eating prowess at least once. And while it’s one thing to eat 10 hot dogs at the family BBQ, it’s quite another to scarf down an obscene mountain of food when the heat is on. But what do you have to lose? Your dignity? Nah, you lost that a long time ago.
38 Successfully Photobomb A Bachelorette Party Picture
As men, we are required by law to enjoy a group of girls who are drunk and willing to sleep with you in the bar bathroom. But after awhile, even our Wilt Chamberlain-esque sexual libido cannot overcome the annoying shrill of a bachelorette party. So wait for that moment when the girls are gathered together for that one epic shot–you know, where the “duck face” is in full force and hop in right before the flash goes off.
Extra Credit: Include a crotch grab or a full-moon.
37 Hustle Someone At Pool
Putz around the table for a few minutes and use the wrong end of the stick to lull your opponent to sleep. Then when the timing is right, double your wager and attack the table like you’re the Black Widow. The only risk? If it’s not your home turf, odds are you’re getting your a– beat by a sore loser.
36 Join The Mile High Club
Everybody talks about it but few have actually done it. The pure logistics of a sexual escapade 35,000 feet up is dangerous enough. Getting caught by a flight attendant is not only embarrassing but may land you a fine or arrest upon landing. Your best bet to complete the task? Cross-country or international flight, preferably a red-eye, and wait for the flight attendant to pass out drinks. That should give you and the lucky lady enough time for two minutes of steaming hot action.
35 Get Into A Time Machine And Beat George Lucas Senseless For Making Indiana Jones 4
A few nights a year, I wake up in a cold sweat screaming “NO, NO!”. Unfortunately, I’m not reliving that drunken one night stand with fat Theresa in college. It’s much, much worse than that. Folks, we have to face this cold, hard fact–Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was created. And the only way to rid ourselves of this pain is to find Doc Brown, get the Delorean and head back in time to beat George Lucas senseless.
34 Hit A Royal Flush
You’ve probably played poker for years–maybe you’ve even been lucky enough to hit a straight flush with your buddies. But a Royal Flush? Almost unheard of. The odds before a hand starts, about 1 in 650k. If you do hit it, make sure to walk away from the table never to play again. Retire right there on the spot.
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