The 12 most horrendous board game fails of all-time
Jeff Wysaski
For every Monopoly or Clue there is a dozen failed board game titles. In many cases, it’s not hard to see why these board games failed. In other cases, an improper box art graphic or slogan can result in a hilarious product design fail. Below are 12 of the most horrendous board game fails of all time.
12 Ghettopoly
As a ghetto-themed parody of Monopoly, players could choose from seven game pieces – pimp, ho, 40 oz, machine gun, marijuana leaf, crack rock and basketball. Spaces on the board included liquor stores, massage parlor, pawn shop and a peep show. While funny in theory, it’s not surprising that many people found the game overtly racist and offensive. After being yanked from shelves, Hasbro sued the game’s creator for trademark infringement of the Monopoly namesake.
11 Left Behind: The Movie: The Game
First off, the name of this game itself is confusing. However, more importantly, this evangelical Christian game is intended to “give players a heightened awareness of the End Times.” Based off the infamous Kirk Cameron movie, the game deals with the rapture and asks players to collect Left Behind Tokens that they can use to their advantage once the End Times begin. Play your cards right, and hopefully you won’t be Left Below!
10 Don’t Catch a Cold Board Game
Released in 1971, this board game is a failure in premise. I don’t know much about the game’s mechanics (although it looks like you swing a string and pray you don’t catch a cold bug), but for some reason a game that revolves around the excitement of staying healthy just isn’t all that appealing. Not surprisingly, the game was discontinued soon after release. Maybe Milton Bradley can update he game with a modern “Don’t Catch Chlamydia” variant.
9 Raise the Titanic Board Game
This 1987 game pitted players against each other in an attempt to raise the Titanic to achieve “fame and fortune.” Apparently, these selfish reasons for raising the infamous tanker weren’t appreciated much by survivors and their families of the actual disaster – due to “outrage,” the game was quickly pulled from store shelves.
8 The Kids Are All Right (Slogan)
In theory, there’s nothing wrong with this board game based on the popular BBC TV quiz game. However, one key factor of the game – the need to out-perform seven “super smart” kids – led to the unfortunate advertising slogan “Beat the Kids…Win the Cash!”
7 Thinking Man’s Golf
If you thought watching golf on TV or listening to it on the radio was boring, then just wait until you play this golf simulation board game! The game requires you to calculate wind speed and direction, pick a club and roll the die. Sadly, the result is a game that takes all the fun out of the all-ready boring game of golf and puts it on a board for no one to enjoy. Unless you’re actually swinging the club – there’s not much entertainment in the sport of golf.
6 Battleship (Box Art)
This vintage Battleship box reaffirms the outdated belief that a woman’s place is in the kitchen. As the boys relax after a long day of school and work, the ladies happily scrub the day’s dishes. Thankfully, the females are content in the fact that their better halves are having a good time.
5 Play Basketball With Bob Cousy
Much like Thinking Man’s Golf, it doesn’t take much brain power to realize that a board game about basketball isn’t going to be all that fun. This 1950 game requires players to roll the dice in order to gain better court position. Then, the dice are rolled again in an attempt to score. Again, attempting to place a completely active activity into the completely passive package of a board game isn’t recommended.
4 The National Enquirer Game
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted an interactive way to enjoy my favorite tabloid newspaper. Now, thanks to the board game that no one asked for, The National Enquirer Game, I finally have my chance to put myself in the dream role of paparazzi. Yes, this 1991 game places players in the role of Enquirer reporter. Apparently, the individual with the most outrageous or longest headline titles wins.
3 Fingers Harry
Here it is – perhaps the most poorly titled board game of all time. Back in 1967, the innocent and pure-minded population of America may have found the term “Fingers Harry” perfectly innocuous. However, in today’s modern world, the title is perfectly hilarious. I wish I had the instructions to this game – it would be nice to know which player fingers Harry first.
2 What’s Yours Like (Box Art)
Judging by the box art, it would appear that this game is all about comparing vaginas. There’s not much else to say about this particular board game fail – the picture says it all. However, it is nice to know that the cartoon character on the box is nice and tight.
1 Little Black Sambo
Based on the equally offensive children’s book, the Little Black Sambo board game is perhaps the most appalling vintage board game of all time. As you can tell by the box, the titular character incorporates a variety of black racial stereotypes. The game involves moving around the board in an attempt to regain Sambo’s various articles of clothing, which have naturally been stolen by four tigers.
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