According to a 2009 report from a health research center at the University of Washington the life expectancy of US males, county to county, ranges as low as 66 years-old. That doesn’t leave enough time to enjoy Boca. It’s straight from the office to the cemetery. Do not pass bingo. Do not collect 200 dollars.
What does that leave us with? Hopefully a desire to take care of ourselves physically. To enjoy our lives to the fullest extent. It also leaves us with a lot of fatherless sons though. Regrets and memories. Here are some things you should make sure to do with your dad while you still can. I promise it won’t be as heavy as the intro.
Photo credit: arenagroove, Flickr
7 things to do with your dad (while you still can)
7 Fishing
This is the classic father and son bonding activity. How long have dads and their sons been fishing together? Forever I’d guess. They fished in the Bible and that was like when the dinosaurs were on the earth right? This is a silent activity and that might be good for some of the more strained father-son relationships. I think hunting is a good substitute but the closest I’ve come to cleaning a deer was watching it on Game of Thrones. That was really more listening than watching too since my eyes were closed the whole time.
6 Have a Catch
The new classic father and son bonding activity. Denis Leary is kind of a creep who has made a career writing roles for himself where he can bang any girl. But when he has a catch with the kid at the end of The Sandlot it melts all my hate away and I love him like he’s my actual dad. Your old man is probably the one who taught you to throw like a girl. So get outside with him and burn a couple into each other’s mitts. Phrasing!
5 Frying a Turkey
According to the National Fire Protection Association the day with the most house fires is Thanksgiving. Also there are more than 1,000 deep fryer-related house fires per year. We’re men though and dangerous talk like that arouses more than dissuades us. Still, it might be smart to keep an eye on this the whole time. So get out ratty, old, worn folding chairs some beers and a cigar. Figure with preparation, goofing off and cook time this will take about two hours. Just enough time to get a buzz with the old man and talk football. It’s like a dangerous turkey happy hour.
4 Road Trip
It doesn’t have to be like the movie Dutch. Or Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Or any other road trip movie. I’m talking about a day in the car. The only other place where you are more forced to talk to somebody is if you’re stuck in an elevator with them. Shoot the shit. Small conversation is the best way to get to know somebody. You probably don’t live close enough to the Grand Canyon but try to see something cool as your destination. A lighthouse, the world’s largest frying pan, George Washington’s nephew’s house. Whatever.
3 Stand Up to Him
Are you an ingratiating little worm? Is he an overbearing prick? If either is true you need to be a man with him. It’s Festivus and time to air of grievances. I can’t promise it’ll go well. Most likely it’ll go horribly. He’ll come to respect you more from this though. Also, if you really have issues with him, waiting until he’s gone and wasting urine on his headstone isn’t going to save you from years of therapy. It’ll be too late.
2 Go to a Game
I’d personally want to go to a baseball game with my dad. Eating hot dogs, learning how to score a game, eating some Cracker Jack are all classic American things. Going to another sports events is just as good though. Rooting for the local team that you both love is a way to bond over a mutual interest.
1 Get Drunk
You sipped beers with your dad if you did some of the previous things. I’m talking about getting drunk now. Just drinking. Go to his favorite bar or bring over a bottle on a day when he’s home alone. Get stupid drunk. Tell stories. Share and hear both sides of your childhood. There is wisdom or at the very least stories in this man that you want to know. This is the thing on the list I most wish I could have done with my dad.
Wrap Up
THAT’S IT FOR THIS ONE. HOW ABOUT ANOTHER?


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