10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU’RE CUTTING MY HAIR

Posted by A. Isaac on May 30th, 2008 at 8:06 am

I got my haircut yesterday, and frankly, it was one of the worst experiences of my life. In college I went to an old school barber, you know, the ones with the shaving cream and stuff. I even went to Douglas J a couple of times because it was only 10 bucks and the chicks would rub your head with oil

But since then I’ve shufled between a couple of places. And none of them have been the same. See, I refuse to pay more than say 15 bucks for a haircut. I’m going bald anyways and a monkey could cut my hair so I really dont think anybody deserves more than that.

But I will admit I have paid more than 15 bucks once…Chick at Lady Jane’s was smoking hot and she must have thought she was a stripper or something the way she was touching me. I felt she deserved an extra reward.

But that’s neither here nor there(to my gf, that happened way before you so don’t ask).

Anyways, this brings me to my haircut yesterday. An absolute atrocity(chick had just come from a smoke break)

So I’ve established 10 things you need to know as a stylist if you are cutting Guyism’s hair

1. Don’t speak unless spoken to
2. If you have big boobs, rub them against my head every so often
3. If you don’t have big boobs, get some implants
4. Don’t smell like smoke or food. In fact, you should smell like roses or some fancy conditioner
5. If you are hot, put your hands on my shoulders and give a quick squeeze. It sends shivers down my spine
6. When I conveniently drop my wallet on the floor, be sure to bend over with your butt facing me
7. If I’ve gone to you more than 5 times, you should remember exactly how I want my cut
8. Smile and be happy with your job
9. Look like the girl in the picture
10. Completely hypethical, but if you think I’m single, feel free to write your number on the receipt.

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A. Isaac A. Isaac is the Senior Editor of Guyism.com. You may have seen him before on The World of Isaac or at a local beach showing off his man boobs. His claims to fame include eating 5 cheeseburgers in one minute, having a threesome with two Victoria Secret models, and being a world-class table tennis player. Unfortunately, the validity of some of those claims is under dispute.