7 things that ruin being at live sporting events
Shawn Norris
Since we crank out so many stories each week some really good ones get lost in the cracks. And since so many new people visit Guyism every day (thank you), we thought we’d take some time on the weekends to share a few classics that many of our newer readers may have missed.
Sporting events can be an unbelievable experience. A mixture of beers, tears and jeers can turn a regular Saturday into a memory that will last a lifetime. But it’s not all fun and games when you get off the couch and go see a game in person. Recently I went to a Celtics game for example, and the lady sitting next to me was one of the most obnoxious human beings on the face of the earth. Sitting with what I assume was her parole officer, this woman ruined what would have otherwise been a great game. Which leads me to my first example of things that can destroy a sporting experience…
7 WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I swear to you, at one point the woman sitting next to me yelled “woooooooooo” 25 times in 30 seconds… and it was during a TV time-out. That is not an exaggeration. I understand that when the Jumbotron asks you to make some noise that you should heed it’s advice, but just screaming willy-nilly like a tone-deaf moron for no reason whatsoever just makes you an obnoxious idiot. I don’t mind people yelling obscenities or screaming a good joke down from the rafters, but seriously, if you’re just going to scream for 2 straight hours, stay home or go be a carnival barker somewhere else.
6 Beer is ridiculously expensive
At most stadiums, beer prices are tend to hover around the $7 range and that’s probably the low end of the spectrum. You could buy a six pack for that price. It’s just a huge rip-off! I know that stadiums need to make money, but I’ve seen $12 beers before and that’s simply a slap in the face to your fans. I’m calling shenanigans! Cut payroll for garbage players or find another way to make a few bucks without taking it out on your fan base. I gotta pay $15 for parking, then $36 bucks to get a buzz going? And all so Eddy Curry can install an ice cream maker in his Maserati.
5 Fights
I understand fanaticism/and I’m all for it. Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants — those that don’t get what the heart wants often let their fists try and heal the pain of heartbreak. Every Dodger game I ever went to I saw a fight. People always hate on L.A. fans because they leave early, but the reason they do is that murder rates go up 50% after the 7th inning. Fans want to go out and have a good time and leave their troubles at home. And nobody should have to worry about their kids accidentally getting caught in the middle of a brawl that breaks out between opposing fans. This is supposed to be a fun day out with friends, not a damn Fight Club.
4 People who bring signs
Glad you took the time and effort to state so eloquently the reasons you think Duke players felate goats, but I paid good money for these seats and I want to see the game, not some goofy anagram for ESPN. Sweetheart, I highly doubt J.J. Redick is not going to see your sign and decide to marry you on the spot, so please put your sign down during the middle of the game so everyone behind you can watch Dwight Howard dominate the paint.
3 Thunder sticks
I don’t know who invented them but I know he had to be deaf. If I wanted to hear crap banging together for two hours I’d have bought tickets for “Stomp!” These things aren’t too bad when you have a section of people with them, but leave it to the one uber-drunk guy that thinks he’s Keith Moon to try and wail out an entire Van Halen album while everyone else is trying to concentrate on the game. For the love of all that is holy, if you have these things, please try and use them in moderation.
2 The guy on his cell phone the whole time
Really? You came to a sporting event and you’re gonna sit there on your Blackberry and gab to your buddy at home the whole time? I thought the television had play-by-play announcers that gave people watching at home the details of the game? Other folks don’t want to hear the details of your back surgery while rooting for the inevitable Albert Pujols home run. We are all here together, so lets all root here together and leave the cell phone recap for the ride home.
1 Traffic
If you gotta park at the stadium then you gotta wait in traffic. And wait. And wait. It’s an unavoidable part of the process, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. Nothing is worse than knowing you have to leave a game in progress to beat the other 50,000 people to the freeway. It sounds petty, but along with how expensive everything is and the time and effort it can take to go see a game, it’s sometimes just better to buy a nice TV and enjoy the action at home. And when 3-D televisions hit the market–get out of here. No seriously, get out of here cause I’m trying to enjoy the game from my living room.
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