Detroit Tigers offer “All-You-Can Eat Seats”

The Detroit Tigers want you to forget that they traded away the franchises most popular player in Curtis Granderson.
They want you to forget that Miguel Cabrera got drunk and partied with some White Sox players right after a huge loss in a pennant race.
And most of all they want you to forget that they lost the division after leading the entire year.

See, when you have a colossal F-up of that magnitude, there are only two ways to bring back the fans.

One involves strippers, and I’m pretty sure you’re only honing in on the young horny males with that.
The other is through food, and lots of it.

In an extreme attempt to sell more tickets for the upcoming season, the Detroit Tigers are offering “All-You-Can Eat Seats”

Your All-You-Can-Eat Seats include an endless supply of freshly popped popcorn, chicken tenders, grilled hamburgers, hot dogs, vegetable platter and pasta salad (menu subject to change). Also includes three beverages — your choice of Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Sierra Mist, or Mountain Dew.

Essentially, the Tigers want you to ignore the product on the field and engorge yourself until you go into some kind of food coma. That way, you’ll forget all about Magglio Ordonez being paid 18 million dollars because you’ll have a hamburger lodged directly in your artery.

As my Mom always said, the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And if that’s the case, I’ll probably be deeply in love by the 5th inning.

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