Melky Cabrera is an incredibly dumb human being

A. Isaac Senior Editor

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Despite Melky Cabrera’s admittance of using performance enhancing drugs, many fans applauded him for his honesty. They applauded him for not fighting the system and consequently accepting the punishment. But yesterday a scathing piece from the NY Daily News detailed a cover-up which included Cabrera operating a fake website selling a nonexistent product to duck his suspension.

Let me break this down slowly for those of you still working out the kinks of a weekend hangover.

1. Melky Cabrera buys website

2. Melky Cabrera creates a fake product to place on said website

3. Tells investigators he unknowingly ingested the banned product

In the pantheon of horrible drunken ideas at 3am, this one falls slightly ahead of sleeping with a herpes infested hooker. Not surprisingly, Cabrera’s ruse fell apart rather quickly when investigators began to ask a few simple questions. Like, “why is the website registered in your name” and “how stupid do you think we are?”

And that my friends is how you ruin your career in one fell swoop. Hope you get some better advice at the criminal trial Melky.