Portland man takes his Oregon fandom a bit too far
A. Isaac 
The Oregon Ducks certainly have a good football team this year. Ranked #3 in both polls, their high powered offense has led them to a 5-0 record and a favorite to not only win the Pac-10 championship but to possibly have a shot at the national title.
Naturally, Ducks fans around the globe are ecstatic about their team’s performance. So much so that they are breaking into one another’s house to bathe in mud with their football jerseys.
Because, you know, fan is short for fanatic—or in this case, perverted.
Haas grabbed a baseball bat out of his sports bag, and stepped into the bathroom.
He slowly pulled the shower curtain open, and found a strange man lying in his bathtub, covered in mud, sweating profusely and wearing Haas’ University of Oregon Ducks football jersey.
“It scared the crap out of me,” said Haas, whose two young daughters, ages 3 and 5, were asleep on the couch.
The man in the tub reached for his wallet, pulled out a $100 bill, and offered it to Haas to keep him from calling police.
I side with the intruder in situations like these. I mean, what kind of society do we live in when one can’t bathe in another man’s tub? He’s not using your water, so you certainly can’t use the utility bill argument.
So on what grounds could you possibly be upset? If you want a new jersey, undoubtedly, the $100 bill he offered you can probably cover the cost. And truthfully, Onterrio Smith of all players? Dude wasn’t even that good. Stop being a prude Mr. Haas, clean up the bathtub and move on. Sheesh!
Portland man finds stranger in his bathtub coated in mud, wearing his Ducks jersey [Oregon Live]
comment on this story
blog comments powered by Disqus