Stop the insanity, stop the proposals at sporting events!

A. Isaac Senior Editor

You know what needs to stop? Sporting event proposals. They’re lame, they’re obnoxious and they’re for couples who are generally disliked by everyone around them. The couples who often go way overboard with their PDA or tell you how much they’re in love or how awesome their trip to Hawaii was because they went skinny-dipping in the ocean and made love under the moonlight. Nevermind the fact you saw this dude’s wife completely naked at a frat party getting Eiffel Tower’d by two dudes in one of those “can’t unsee” moments.

But I digress.

Back to sporting event proposals. They’re awful. Here’s one from last night’s Orlando Magic game.

Like what the f-ck did I just see? You want me to believe this woman goes to basketball games in a dress? You want me to believe she was stupid enough to think they’d pick her dumb-ass for a half-court shot? Bitch couldn’t even heave it five feet.

No! Stop it. Stop it right now.

The surprise, the embarrassment, the general asshattery—UGH. I hate you guys. I don’t know you but I hate you.

Here’s a stat for you. 75% of couples who get engaged at games are divorced within five years. I maybe made that up. But did I though? The divorce rate in this country is about 50%. Factor in douchiness, materialism and these chicks’ dorm room sextapes on the verge of being released and BAM–an extra 25%.

I weep for your future Orlando Magic couple.

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