The 8 most dysfunctional athlete relationships

Since it seems that Tiger Woods is well on his way to making this list with his complete failures at the basic tenets of cheating (voicemails: never a good idea), we at Guyism would like to offer him some reassurance. You’re not alone, Tiger. In fact, it’s been much worse. Here are the 8 most dysfunctional athlete relationships ever.

Dennis Rodman & Carmen Electra

Even though their drunkenly fueled wedding was invalidated after 10 days, this couple had one of the crazier 6 month flings ever. They were once arrested in Miami for a domestic spat after Rodman allegedly saw one of Electra’s ex’s on tv and commented harshly. This led to WWIII in their hotel room and causing security to show up. Later when Rodman was sleeping, Electra tried to stick an uncooked penne pasta shell up Rodman’s, uh, behind. Yeah, that actually happened. As recently as 2006, Rodman says that Electra called and said she still loved him.

I’d love you too if you fed me pasta, Carmen. As long as it’s in the correct orifice. Or if it’s angel hair.

David Justice & Halle Berry

How bad did it get between these two? Berry told Parade Magazine a few years back that she almost killed herself over Justice. Years after their divorce, Justice tried to seek alimony from Berry even though at the time he was making over 6 million a year.

Not only was he an average player but it seems he was a pretty average husband too.

Andre Rison & Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes

Their on again, off again relationship was highlighted by Lopes burning down Rison’s house in 1994. It didn’t help that Rison had multiple transgressions and Lopes repeatedly had stints in rehab. But that didn’t stop the two dating for almost 10 years.

Rison’s fetish for colorful pirates was never confirmed.

John Daly & Sherrie Daly

Did he hit her or did she hit him? In front of a crowded restaurant in June 2007, they verbally assaulted each other but later on that night is when things really heated up. Daly claimed that Sherrie pulled a steak knife out and tried to stab him. He showed up at a tournament a few days later with cuts and scrapes on his face (Apparently, it wasn’t from poor driving like Mr. Woods wink wink).

Sherrie later pleaded guilty to federal drug charges and served 5 months in jail. Being that this was his 4th wife, we’re going to go out on a limb and say Daly’s fitness to make these kinds of decisions was about as strong as his fitness to do, well, pretty much anything physical not involving the words “pie” and “contest.”

Anna Benson & Kris Benson

Even though this couple is still together, they’re not without their fair share of controversy. Not only has Anna filed for divorced and retracted but she once issued this infamous quote about her husband to Howard Stern:

“I told him [Kris] — because that’s the biggest thing in athletics, they cheat all the time — I told him, cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I’m going to screw everybody on your entire team — coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team.”

“Mike Piazza just did a back flip,” Stern said. “Even the coaches? What about, like, the bat boys?”

“I’m lining them up,” Anna said, “I’ll (also) circle into other teams. Whatever team he’s playing, I will screw all them, too.”

Don’t know if she ever went through with it, but my application for bat boy is still in the works just in case.

Chuck Finley & Tawny Kitaen

Drug user…check
Suicidal…check
Spousal Abuser…check

And no, I’m not talking about Chuck Finley. His ex-wife Tawny might take the gold medal at the Crazy Beeyotch Olympics. Their relationship was filled with arrests, rehabs, and restraining orders. The couple’s nanny once issued a statement that she was often asked by her two daughters, “”Is Mommy whacked out again today?”

You stay classy Tawny. Though your contributions to 1980s hair bands will never be forgotten nor diminished.

Mike Tyson & Robin Givens

Things were pretty rocky with these two well before they showed up for their 20/20 interview in 1988. Givens had accused Tyson of violence and overall mental instability. But it came to a head on the show when she said that he was manic depressive. Tyson didn’t respond but looked visibly angry. Givens went on to say that being with Tyson was “torture, pure hell, worse than anything I could possibly imagine”. A month later they divorced but not before they got their pot shots in. Givens told everyone she had a miscarriage but Tyson denied she was even pregnant to begin with.

Considering Tyson bit a man’s ear off and told a boxer that he would “eat his children,” I’m going to go ahead and side with Givens here.

Jason Kidd & Joumana Kidd

It might be one thing for a person in a relationship to be an abuser. But both? That makes for a pretty messed up lifestyle. Joumana accused Jason of being a serial abuser and adulterer while Kidd cited extreme cruelty. Either way, Joumana once ended up with a broken rib and damaged hearing when he allegedly smashed her head into the console of their family car. As far as Jason’s list of transgressions is concerned, well, it’s quite impressive according to Joumana.

-Several different television reporters
-Strippers in Arizona, Sacramento, Miami, Dallas and Indiana
-A Nets season ticket holder
-A Nets employee
-And a cheerleader in New Orleans

A partridge in a pear tree refused to comment, but seemed to be walking away with a limp.

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