THE TEN COMMANDEMENTS FOR WOMEN DURING FOOTBALL SEASON

Women, please consider this the Ten Commandments of the Fall Football Season. These commandments are specifically for those women who feel it necessary to watch the game with their boyfriends/husbands.

Disobey any of these commandments and well, you might end up in Hell.

10. In no way shape or form are you to ask a question during game time. You must wait for a commercial to speak.

9. Dress appropriately: If by some chance its just you and me in the house during the game, you may dress in any of the following

a) Jersey of the team I’m rooting for with nothing on underneath
b) A cheerleader outfit
c) Completely Nude

8. Food shall be prepared well in advance of the game. If I have my buddies over, then you need to stock up beforehand. If needs be, a run to the grocery store might be in order. Hurry up. Wings, Pizza, Nachos and bbq are all acceptable. No veggies allowed.

7. You may cheer or root only when others cheer or root. Taking initiative because you think something good has happened is not allowed.

6. If my buddies girlfriends and/or wives come to watch the game, it is your responsibility to keep them in line. If they talk, you need to escort them out and go over these ten rules with them. You may need to get violent to maintain order.

5. If, for some reason, my team loses, you need to stay 50 feet away from me for a minimum of 4 hours. You may not speak in my presence and there must be total silence until I finally gather my emotions

4. Like a movie theater, your phone needs to be shut off completely (no texting). If there is an emergency, I will decide if its important enough to get off the couch and tend to the problem

3. If I fart, you will sit there and enjoy its aroma. You may not get up unless told to.

2. A burp signifies that I am in need of a drink. You have 60 seconds to ask me what I want and retrieve it.

1. If you feel like you cannot handle instructions 2-9, you are ordered to leave the house starting Saturday at 11am and not return until Sunday Night at 11pm. Feel free to stay at your friends house, or your families. If those options are not available, visit the local Soup Kitchen.

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