In the evenings, Donna Munson liked to sit in front of her picture window and watch the bears amble toward her Ouray County log cabin for dinner.

The 74-year-old woman — who stocked her backyard with dog food, fruit and yogurt — was found dead outside her home Friday, being eaten by a bear.

It was still unknown Saturday whether a bear killed Munson or whether one or more animals consumed part of her body after her death. But people who knew her said she was an eccentric wildlife lover who had been feeding bears, elk, skunks and raccoons for years.

Munson, who rented half of her home in southwestern Colorado to several people over the years, told one of them that “when the time came, she wanted to go out with the bears.”

I used to read Winnie the Pooh a lot as a kid, mostly because I related to Christopher Robin since we had the same first name. But then I grew up thinking bears were cool, and all about honey and misadventures with their random animal pals. Yeah, turns out they’ll just eat your face, no matter how much you tell them they’re your best friend. Thanks, Asexual Chris.

And don’t get me started on the other types of bears out there. Once I was looking for something interesting to do on Craigslist and saw that there was going to be a party where it was going to be “Bears Having Fun.” Yeah…those bears, not quite the ones you see on Animal Planet. I was lucky to escape with my honeypot unsodomized.

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That is so adorable and so mean at the same time. This bear is doing pratfalls like Dick Van Dyke (skip to :40), but it’s doing it out of sheer horror. I’m pretty sure that qualifies as some sort of animal torture, assuming that horror in the eyes of a once-majestic animal can be considered cruel. I don’t think it’s so awful to suggest that perhaps at some point, this bear grows up and rips this woman and half and eats her innards like Winnie the Pooh scooping out a honey pot. Then again, maybe he’s not capable of such bearlike violence. Based upon the evidence in this video, he’d probably go to eat the trainer, then slip on a banana peel while a sad trumpet plays. Poor bear.

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Anyone who read the Berenstain Bears as a child can tell you that bears are manipulative crapheads. Yeah, I’m onto your crap bears. You may act like a family and wear clothes and learn touching life lessons, but that doesn’t necessarily prevent you from crapting in the woods like a savage or, you know, eating me. So when you see a bear buying a pair of affordable jeans at Walmart, just know that though his Wranglers might imply that he’s safe to talk to, just think back to the Berenstain Bear books and remember that it’s all an elaborate ruse. Also that his life story is extremely dull and has religious undertones.

It may shock you to learn that I’m not a white blond girl. But for all the inherent advantages of being a white blond female like unfettered access to drinks, an inherent advantage in finding a mate, and a non-stop search crew if you go missing. But at the same time, you’re also way more attractive as a kidnapping victim, you’re probably half-a-retard, and bears will f your crap up. They’ve heard for decades about the awful things that white women do. It’d be like if you were Jewish and ran into Hitler in the grocery store. First you’d be like, “Why the f is Hitler buying Manischewitz?” and then you’d be like, “HEY HITLER, LET’S FIGHT.” Meanwhile Hitler would be all like, “Ach dein leiber,” and run out of the store because he’s just trying to live his life. So yeah, the point…ah yes, the point: blond girls are basically Nazis, so long as you’re a bear. Ask any bear, they’ll fill you in.

I’ve always loved the idea of birds. They fly majestically and freely taking in views of the world that we can’t see without spending hundreds of dollars while cramped next to a fat woman who is complaining that her chicken cacciatore isn’t served in a large enough portion. So of course, what do we do? Trap them in cages and make them crap on newspapers. Oh humans. One day, we’re going to get our comeuppance and it’s going to involve lots and lots of bear rape.

I think I’d be better off never knowing how anything has ever been made in the history of the world. Like when I saw the videos about hot dogs and bacon being made, I was like “Well, it’s disgusting, but it’s food that’s bad for me so it only makes sense that it’d be heinous to watch it made.” But this is a teddy bear. Teddy bears are pretty much the most adorable, innocent thing on Earth (unless you count the evil that was Teddy Ruxpin or what little girls often do to poor innocent teddy bears when growing up). But now that I know that a teddy bear basically has to be jerked off until it comes to life, I both am disgusted and wish I were born a teddy bear. At the very least, I’m wondering how viable it is for me to dress up like a flat teddy bear in need of stuffing in order to receive similar treatment. Though I’d probably just end up getting gangraped at a furry convention by a bunch of guys with potbellies, bad mustaches, and glasses with transition lenses. Sigh, even my dreams end like that.

Personally, I always imagine that animals have some sort of noble code of ethics which prohibits things from doing douchey things to win a fight, apparently that theory’s been shot to crap. What next, am I going to walk in on a bear f’ing my girlfriend? That happening once was ridiculous, but twice? Fucking bears.

Seriously though if I ever got into a fist fight with a bear and he tried to pull that on me, you know what I’d do? Probably bleed out from the groin and die because bears not only have extremely sharp claws, but are also very powerful. Pretty much the main reason why I carry a honey pot with me everywhere I go. Bears are notoriously corrupt and will accept bribes at every opportunity. See, you learned something today.

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I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. Ever since I read my first Berenstain Bears book I was like, “Oh f, they’ve gained autonomy.” Who knows what else they’re planning? I’m guessing raping and pillaging can’t be too far away. And trust me when I say that bears are not gentle lovers. My trip across Europe with Paddington taught me a lot. Including that there was nothing but pain hidden beneath his little blue jacket.

I used to love Nikki Cox when she was on Unhappily Ever After. Her photoshoot with Maxim was like the greatest thing ever. And man, she’s still got the breasty goods. Her face looks kind of orangutanish from clearly having had some work done, but the boobs…yowza. They’re the kind of breasts where you can just kick your heels up and salute yourself for a job well done when you conquer them. Like climbing the Himalayas. Or murdering that bear that hangs out in your back yard and stares menacingly at your child while rubbing its furry bear nipples. Fucking bear…one of these days, you’ll get your comeuppance.

Well, it’s pretty clear why he stole that man’s jacket. I find it to be a strange coincidence that even in a country primarily inhabited by people with light skin tones, one of the most obvious and horrific crimes was committed by someone who’s part Black.

*racist rimshot

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Epic Carnival | HOT POA | NSFW POA | Hot Celebrity Asses

Background: Pedobear began over at 4chan, which is basically the Internet meme’s big brainstorming session (see: I Can Has Cheezburger), around this time last year. On the most basic level, Pedobear is pedophilia manifested into a child-digestible, yet completely absurd, visage. There’s a whole subtext, I’m sure, attached to the idea of an adorable children’s toy committing complete atrocities of rape and molestation of children across the globe. People wearing ascots studying English across the globe could certainly dissect the symbolism and how Pedobear’s representation says something about a loss of innocence for young adults today typical of a society that simultaneously pays too much, and too little, attention to its youth. It’s also just funny to think about a cute cartoon teddy bear vigorously diddling unsuspecting minors. And it appeals to pedophile furries, a much neglected niche I’m sure. So it works on three levels.

I seriously can’t commend 4chan enough for this brilliance. Pedophilic behavior in the form of a character that could easily fit in on some generic Nickelodeon show about some neglected children having adventures that would absolutely kill them in real life. Eloquently executed. I applaud you, heroes of the Internet.

My favorite is the first one below (click through to see it animated), along with a bunch of others of the best around the Internet.

[For even more, check out Pedobear.org]

The reporter in the video above called him a clown, but I consider him a real American hero. In fact, with so much crap in the form of major banks going bankrupt and stupid VP candidates and the downfall of our economy and entire way of living, this courageous man needs to start finding his way around the country to brighten our lives.

If Fox News is smart, they will hire him immediately and have him on the anchor desk all day. Like you wouldn’t get your news from him. Come on.

Minnesota wildlife officials tried for six days to capture a bear that had a plastic jar stuck over its head, but ended up killing the animal after it wandered into a city during a festival.

The wild black bear — whose head got stuck inside a 2½-gallon clear plastic jug presumably while foraging for food — ambled into the city of Frazee, about 200 miles northwest of the Twin Cities, during the town’s busy Turkey Days celebration.

“When it got into town, our main concern was public safety,” said Rob Naplin, the Department of Natural Resources’ area wildlife supervisor in Park Rapids.

While the bear could breathe, it couldn’t eat or drink and was likely suffering from dehydration and hunger. “I’m sure there was high anxiety and frustration with its predicament,” Naplin said.

In the six days that followed the initial sighting of the bear, officials tried to trap it and tranquilize it in numerous locations, but to no avail.

By the time the animal showed up in Frazee, conservation officers decided it needed to be killed to avoid conflicts with humans.

“Oh bother,” said the bear, before being shot in the f’ing face by some assholes whose job it is to catch wildlife yet can’t stop a BEAR WITH A JAR ON ITS HEAD. Seriously, how impotent do you have to be to not be able to stop a bear with a jar on its head? You could probably just have one guy kneeled over behind him and then shove him over. HE HAS A JAR ON HIS HEAD.

I am curious though as to how the bear got the jar on his head. Did he really go after some honey, like I’d assume? Or maybe he wandered into a jar factory and the jar was built around his head? Or maybe he was born that way? Perhaps he’s a supervillain, a bear version of Spiderman’s enemy Mysterio? This bear’s death leaves a lot of unanswered questions. And uneaten picnic baskets. Enjoy your sandwiches while they last, you bastards.

A grizzly bear that appeared in a recent Will Ferrell movie killed a 39-year-old trainer with a bite to his neck Tuesday and had to be subdued with pepper spray.

Three experienced handlers were working with the bear at Randy Miller’s Predators in Action facility when the bear bit 39-year-old Stephan Miller on the neck, said San Bernardino County sheriff’s spokeswoman Cindy Beavers. Stephan Miller is Randy’s cousin, she said.

The center’s staff used pepper spray to subdue and contain the bear and there were no other injuries, she said.

Calls seeking comment from Randy Miller, a stuntman and operator of Predators in Action, were not immediately returned Tuesday evening. Randy Miller doubled for Ferrell in the bear wrestling match, according to the center’s site.

In a February interview, Randy Miller called Rocky “the best working bear in the business,” the San Bernardino Sun reported on its Web site Tuesday.

The Department of Fish and Game will decide the bear’s fate after an investigation, Tiffany Swantek, a spokeswoman for the Big Bear Sheriff’s Station, told the San Bernardino Sun Tuesday.

Decide the bear’s fate? How about you just let his fate be…oh, I don’t know, TO GO BE A FING BEAR IN THE WILDERNESS? Maybe we shouldn’t get mad at a bear when we try to make him into some trained animal when all he wants to do is eat salmon, steal picnic baskets, and scratch his anus on large trees. It’s like when you try to train a woman, then you get surprised when she does things like “vote” and “go shopping”. Sure, you can do all you can, but an animal’s just going to revert to instincts sometimes.

I think people need to speak up and not let this overly powerful Department of Fish and Game take Rocky the Bear from us. He was led on! And hungry! Fuck, I’d maul a trainer if I hadn’t eaten lunch by 2PM. SAVE ROCKY THE BEAR! SAVE ROCKY THE BEAR!