A beaver made an appearance on CBS’s Early Show this morning. It was your usual exotic animals TV segment of “Oh wow, an exotic animal! Yes, she’s actually very kind blah blah…” up until the part where correspondent Debbye Turner Bell got sprayed in the face.

The lingering question is how did the Early Show get such an amazing booking? “Hold on, we can book an animal trainer AND A BEAVER???,” said an Early Show producer. “Someone inform Nielsen and brace them because this may very well make our TV ratings literally explode.”

Anyway, that’s a hate crime. Shame on you and your close-minded racism, Mr. Beaver. The days of the firehose have passed, get with the times.

Now I have a question that’s probably retarded. Do beavers actually eat the wood? Or do they just like gnashing their teeth on it? I can’t imagine that digesting wood is going to be enjoyable in any respect. It’s like the time I sat on a chair and it hurt me for days. I should have realized the chair has the side with the legs up, but foresight was never a strength of mine.

In related news, beavers f’ing suck. You know what else could build a dam while looking ugly? Hairy Teamsters. But you don’t see them featured in cartoons. Discrimination.

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