Olsen, who was diagnosed with mesothelioma last year and had been undergoing chemotherapy, died Wednesday night, the Cache Valley Daily of Utah reported.

Since I’m not privy to football before 1980s, I’m more inclined to remember Merlin Olsen as Michael Landon’s buddy on “Little House on the Prairie” and as a color commentator for college football. I’ll also remember him every time I see Tony Kornheiser on PTI. Yes, I might be the only one who sees it but they have the exact same beard.

Am I wrong?

By the way, where the hell was the call-out to Ba-Ba Booey? Didn’t they see the O.J. Bronco chase. With all due respect to the Jerky Boys, it’s the greatest moment in prank call history.

(Much props to the fellas at IASID for the early morning tip)

Sportscenter gets used {It’s Always Sunny in Detroit}

And according to The Big Lead and Kornheiser’s own radio show, he’ll be suspended for a few days

Tony Kornheiser has been suspended from Pardon the Interruption for “some time” (read: a few days) due to his comments about Hannah Storm’s wardrobe last week. Kornheiser – who apologized to Storm the day after the kerfuffle – was missing from PTI yesterday (Dan LeBatard filled in) and he opened his radio show today by quickly addressing the matter. An ESPN spokesman confirmed the suspension, which is anticipated to be “a few days.”

We’re not sure which outfit Kornheiser was referring to when he made the statement, although, there is a plethora to choose from.

And just for good measure, here’s Hannah looking rather hot licking some frosting off a cake

I’m sure most of you are wondering who the hell Paul Shirley is and why we’re talking about him. He gained some notoriety as a journeyman NBA player and had a fairly successful blog for ESPN.com.

His willingness to be extremely honest with his play, the play of his teammates, and his situation in general made him popular.

But he recently penned an article for a site called Flip Collective about the Haiti relief effort that was just a bit out of bounds. I’m not doing it justice by just pulling 100 words, so I suggest reading the whole thing if you have a chance.

However, here is an excerpt for the lazy among you:

Dear Haitians -

First of all, kudos on developing the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Your commitment to human rights, infrastructure, and birth control should be applauded.

As we prepare to assist you in this difficult time, a polite request: If it’s possible, could you not re-build your island home in the image of its predecessor? Could you not resort to the creation of flimsy shanty- and shack-towns? And could some of you maybe use a condom once in a while?

Sincerely,

The Rest of the World

Well, you can probably get the drift of the article from there. His employer ESPN was quick to pull the trigger on him releasing a statement this morning.

He was a part-time freelance contributor. The views he expressed on another’s site of course do not at all reflect our company’s views on the Haiti relief efforts. He will no longer contribute to ESPN.

That’s code for “Don’t let that flimsy Shanty door hit you square in the ass on the way out”.

Like yesterday when the Steve Phillips fiasco was all over the place, everybody was dropping in their .02.

But nobody, and I mean nobody had a rip quite like Yahoo’s Dan Wetzel

Of course, this is in reference to Brooke Hundley….the, how shall we say, “homely” looking production assistant who had a torrid affair with Phillips. Well, at least it was torrid in her mind.

on 205th recommends…

And then it dawned on me.

They must have been spurned in the past.

So I did some digging and you know what, I can’t say I blame them.

Harold Reynolds Facebook Status

“Huggin some interns”

Sean Salisbury’s Twitter

@Random Hot Chick: Wanna see this pic of my d#@^?

Chris Berman’s Facebook Status

“What the f#@^? Why does everybody have to walk around in the background? Jesus! God dammit!”

Scott Van Pelt’s Twitter

@Stuart Scott: “You see what had happened was” (did I say that right stu?)

Stacy Dales Twitter

@ESPN: Coach? You want me to fly coach? But Erin Andrews is in first class!

Rush Limbaugh’s blog

I think the media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well. They’re interested in black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well. I think there’s a little hope invested in McNabb and he got a lot of credit for the performance of his team that he really didn’t deserve.

Stuart Scott’s Facebook Status

Menage a Trois ladies? As cool as the other side of the pillow

by the way, watch this Stu Scott peephole video…hilarious

Want to tell your friends on facebook about the game last night?
Want to tweet about the umps missing that crucial call?
Want to rant about your hometown team on your personal blog

Sorry, if you’re an ESPN employee, those are no-nos…

Here are the specific guidelines according to the 4 letter network

Specific Guidelines

· Personal websites and blogs that contain sports content are not permitted

· Prior to engaging in any form of social networking dealing with sports, you must receive permission from the supervisor as appointed by your department head

· ESPN.COM may choose to post sports related social media content

· If ESPN.com opts not to post sports related social media content created by ESPN talent, you are not permitted to report, speculate, discuss or give any opinions on sports related topics or personalities on your personal platforms

· The first and only priority is to serve ESPN sanctioned efforts, including sports news, information and content

* Assume at all times you are representing ESPN

* If you wouldn’t say it on the air or write it in your column, don’t tweet it

* Exercise discretion, thoughtfulness and respect for your colleagues, business associates and our fans

· Avoid discussing internal policies or detailing how a story or feature was reported, written, edited or produced and discussing stories or features in progress, those that haven’t been posted or produced, interviews you’ve conducted, or any future coverage plans.

· Steer clear of engaging in dialogue that defends your work against those who challenge it and do not engage in media criticism or disparage colleagues or competitors

· Be mindful that all posted content is subject to review in accordance with ESPN’s employee policies and editorial guidelines

· Confidential or proprietary company information or similar information of third parties who have shared such information with ESPN, should not be shared

Any violation of these guidelines could result in a range of consequences, including but not limited to suspension or dismissal.

Vive la Freedom of Speech!

10) Wankery. Do you have an unfortunate interest in cringe-tastic pop culture that is in no way related to your subject matter? Well, by all means, share it with the rest of us. Remember, you are the guy with the mic. That means we deserve whatever you care to dish out, and you’re just so gosh darned precious, we can’t say no!

9) Sports radio affectations and repetition. There’s no reason to cut content for length or commercial sponsorship, or to repeat the name and whore pitch of the guest. But do it anyway! It makes everything seem much more professional, and in no way annoying or crass. Besides, there’s no way I was listening the first eight times. Ninth’s the charm!

Timelessness. Will your podcast take a wild swing in subject matter halfway through, from the introduction of a guest who is of prime interest to some portion of the audience? Make sure not to tell us when the change happens. How else would we get to know more about you?

7) Live to tape. Podcasting is just like a battle rap out on Eight Mile Road. If you can’t spit out your spiel the first try, or have a coughing fit, leave it all in, dammit. Podcasts are all about keeping it real, and making sure that no hint of professionalism creeps in. Testify!

6) Commercial sponsorship. You probably weren’t aware of this, but the vast majority of your audience is using your commercially sponsored podcast as the basis for a drinking game. Make us drunk, and your cash register sing, with all kinds of ill-fitting mentions!

5) Codgerdom. People who are technically advanced enough to listen to niche-oriented Web radio are also highly inclined to appreciate your sneering hate of Facebook, Twitter, Blogfrica, cell phones, pitch counts, and everything else that didn’t exist in 1975. Let’s hear that dander rise!

4) Unacknowledged homerism. Hey, just because you grew up as a fan of a certain laundry, that doesn’t mean you aren’t completely unbiased and able to weigh in on all teams and points. And just because that this considered opinion and approach will be completely indistinguishable from that of a mouth-breathing homer… just means that anyone who notices must be part of some jealous fan base that just wishes they could be in your group. Very refreshing!

3) Background noises. Can we hear some more of your kid yelling, your lawn mowing service, or your cell phone ringtone? Because that way, I know that you’re a real live human being, just like me… and without that, I just won’t be able to relate, really. Keep it real!

2) Producer arguments. That person you work with every day? By all means, pretend that they are either your best friend or worst enemy. Either way, it’s totally authentic, fantastically entertaining, and unique to podcasting. Well done, creative pioneer!

1) Poor call quality. Nothing makes the listener earn it more than having to endure someone on a crappy phone line going remote. It’s especially great if they can show us how important they are by driving, going through airport check-in, or dealing with personal affairs. That just tells us you’re important!

Feel free to add your own in the comments… and no, I don’t have a podcast of my own for you to listen to. Such a shame, really.

on 205th recommends…

It’s easy to say who the worst mouth jobbers who are, you know, working. But how about the folks that could bring the historical pain, preferably in an ESPN-challenging show where all parties will be convinced that their special brand of wonderfulness will be the reason why the show will win? That’s a show we’d all watch. And by we, I mean sports bloggers.

10) Emmit Smith. In the words of Pancho Villa, “Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” The mere mention of his name still makes Steve Young shake.

9) Randall Cunningham. Many people don’t remember this, but the ex-Eagles great had a brief but memorable run on TNT commenting on NFL games that the Internets have not seen fit to include. Damn you, Internets!

Jayson Williams. Hey, let’s give the man something to live for. Besides, he brings his own shotgun. That’s got to count for something.

7) O. J. Simpson. Yes, I know (finally) doing time. But doesn’t that just mean he’s more open to speak freely and say something spectacular? I think it does. And hey, is it any more objectionable than letting Matt Millen on television?

6) John Madden. Just so long as we don’t have him talk about football. Because, really, nothing’s better than listening to an old man tell us he doesn’t know stuff. I’d also make him eat during telecasts.

5) Stephen A. Smith. Our trainwreck show needs VOLUME, and QUITE FRANKLY, no one says nothing with more ferocity than the man, the myth, the legend. Everything he says is important!

4) Rod Benson. Who? Why, just the best story in D-League history, which means he’s more than available for the gig. (What, you don’t know the D-League? Come on, you got to know the D-League.)

3) Hawk Harrelson. Just because the entire nation deserves to hear how wonderful the White Sox are. In an industry of truly regrettable homers, the Hawk might be the most annoying of the lot.

2) Howard Eskin. Oh, hell, I did find a more annoying homer. Philly Fan tends to get a raw deal from the national media — honestly, there’s nothing in this town that you won’t also see in other hardscrabble cities with bad memories, like Cleveland, Buffalo, Detroit, and they are significantly less irritating then the spoiled souls of Boston, New York and LA — but the fact that this man has cashed a check for talking about sports for decades now is the single best reason why the town does deserve what it gets.

1) Brian Collins. He’s my anchor, my hope, my reason for being, but only if he hasn’t gotten any better than this. And if he has, forget it, kid.

on 205th recommends…

Yesterday was a really great day for me as a blogger. The site had a lot of traffic from a variety of links, and was even mentioned on ESPN’s “SportsCenter” during their “Blog Buzz” segment, with the poor announcer cracking up over the name. (You can see the mention starting about 40 seconds left in the clip.)

Coin was made. Jollies were had. My friends and family were impressed. Some new Blogfrican connections were made. Life Was Really Good.

Every one of my fellow sports bloggers knows what happened next, right?

Yep, anonymous trolls telling me how much I suck.

Let’s just say, after 2+ years and 2,000+ posts, it didn’t come as much of a surprise.

So this one goes out to all of my friends in in the biz, or for anyone who doubts that Mo’ Traffice Means Mo’ Haters. Life lessons from the Worst Blog Ever crowd!

12) Lists are not worthy of their time, and yet will still be read

11) A failure to satisfy an anonymous commenter with a post is indicative not of their personal taste or an editorial decision they don’t agree with, but your entire failed existence

10) Some random commenter is the final arbiter on What Is Funny And What Is (So) Not

9) If a blog doesn’t have very many comments, it means the anonymous troll is right about everything

The troll wouldn’t waste their time telling you how much you suck if (a) you didn’t suck so much more than anything that has ever sucked, and (b) they weren’t so brilliant at their job that they had oodles of free time

7) Any traffic or link you receive should have gone instead to another, far superior blog

6) Like the crabs, you only get them when your popularity gets a sudden spike

5) They are fearless truth-telling men (always men) who let the world know what’s right and what’s wrong, because with great insight comes great responsibility (oh, crap, that’s actually what bloggers think, too)

4) They have never and will never lose an argument, because the last word is always theirs, assuming they can keep posting

3) Their stereotyped beliefs about you are accurate; your stereotyped views about them are not

2) Despite the fact that you are getting paid, their opinion is much more important

1) This list also sucks

10. Traveling in basketball. You get the feeling that as soon as he invented the game, James Naismith started bitching about how the players weren’t dribbling enough.

9. Defensive pass interference. The rules may change, but the whining does not. Oh, and your opinion is entirely dependent on your view of the laundry, of course.

8. Tattoos on players. Don’t they realize that this makes them unfit for burial in a strict Jewish cemetery?

7. Concession prices. If the beer that you are crying into is too expensive, there’s always the option of staying home. (Or losing a leg and filling up your prosthetic with booze. That’s what Raider Fan does.)

6. Cheating. Just because steroids, HGH, Lasix and more exist now, doesn’t mean that amphetamines and narcotics weren’t used before, or that the old-timers weren’t stealing signs, fixing games or sending hookers over the night before a game. There’s nothing new under the sun.

5. ESPN. Just because it has been going downhill for decades doesn’t mean that pointing it out isn’t tiresome.

4. Fantasy sports. Just accept that it’s a form of gambling that you don’t understand or appreciate, and move on. It’s really not the end of the world, or any threat to just watching to see which team wins.

3. Statistics. Hey, you know what’s great to hear? People who are ignorant of how something works getting self-righteous about it. Have at it, old man.

2. Ticket prices. Why, when I was a kid, you could go to a game and make money, because the players would take pity on you and just give you money. And ham. Lots of ham.

1. Player salaries. Just because something is indefensible and insane, especially in a down economy, doesn’t mean your same old take on it deserves attention.

Oh how much it pains me to see ESPN personalities able to mingle with babes such as this…

More Alyssa here and more Lindsay here.

on 205th recommends…

As much as I hate to admit it, ESPN finally did something for the right reasons. Well played, fellas.

on 205th recommends: AWFUL ANNOUNCING

“Rooting for the Celtics is like saying Hitler was a victim. It’s like hoping Gorbachev would get to the blinking red button before Reagan.”



Read the full story

Though the article has since been edited, its important to note the stupidity of this. This isn’t some sports blog or some personal website Jemele Hill hosts. When she wrote that line, you know she thought about it 3, 4, even 5 times.

She knew it wasn’t ok to write it.

But you know why she did?

So people would read it.

Because folks, thats what happens when you suck at your job and you don’t normally write things that people read.

You have to go the extreme to get people to talk about you.

Thankfully, here at Guyism, I will just resort to showing some T&A. That, at the very least, is much less morally reprehensible.

Oh, and speaking of T&A, check out this new website. Entirely safe for work.