Oh, and the Barbies are anatomically correct. Just in case you weren’t perturbed enough.

So, look, if you want to dress up like Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog and bend over a gal dressed like a squirrel, by all means. But when we’re involving dolls, come on. There has never been a productive person of society who, when you walk into their apartment, you encounter action figures having sex. You don’t see GI Joe with a rod on a CEO’s desk too often.

Barbie Furries [Buzzfeed]
TWO BARBIES LEARNING THE FOX TROT, one of a Kind by LaVonne Sallee’ [Etsy]

Some of the YouTube comments on the video speculate that the girl’s got some sort of “Feeder” fetish, in which she’s getting off on seeing her body swell up. There’s also a lot of comments from creeps who’d like to bone her now, including one guy who claims that the video shows a “Very nice gain, it puts on at the right spots on You!” I can only assume that this man is merely attempting viral marketing for his new belt-extender company.

I don’t really get how this would qualify as a fetish for men though. I guess I can abstractly understand why guys dig really fat girls with the old “more cushion for the pushing” adage. But I’m not sure what you get out of a girl who’s fat only on her stomach, like she’s pregnant but with the gift of delicious fried foods inside of her instead of the gift of life. The only reason I could imagine wanting to be with this girl is if there were a large snowstorm that might hit during my flight to the Andes. It’s important to plan ahead for your impromptu cannibalism.

Why would anyone gain weight on purpose?! [The Internet Is Terrible]

There are dozens more Slutty Pikachus at Unreality.

My main question is this…how does one get so far removed from conventional sexuality? Like do you happen to start masturbating, then you drop your remote and find yourself on an old episode of Pokemon and go, “YEAH I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE TURNED ON”? Or do you see Pikachu and think “Well, that’s cute, but it’d be sexy if you slapped some booty shorts and big yellow boobs on it.” I’ve never jerked off to a fictional battle monster, so I’m genuinely curious. Though, ironically, I am often referred to as Squirtle in some circles. Probably for unrelated reasons.

A security guard accidentally suffocated himself in an autoerotic accident, an inquest heard.

Ralph Santiago, 31, was found dead in the men’s toilets of the building he worked wearing Wellington boots, a wetsuit and gas mask.

His body was found by a colleague at about 7am on Tuesday, July 22, last year, lying on the floor with a gas canister nearby.

Further rubber/latex outfits were found in Mr Santiago’s car and in the ladies’ toilets of his workplace at Aquis House in Blagrave Street, Reading.

Mr Courtenay visited the staff bathroom and discovered the men’s toilet was locked. He went upstairs to get a key, when he opened the door he found a body.

However, he was not certain it was Mr Santiago because only his eyes were visible under the mask.

Paramedics and the police were called. In a statement, PC Barbara Cummings described Mr Santiago as wearing “a black latex suit, gloves, a gas mask and Wellingtons.”

Mr Santiago’s girlfriend Hannele Vaher did not attend the inquest but had previously explained “he had fetishes”, of which she did not take part.

She said he was “prone to dressing up” and adding that he took poppers.

I get that sexual deviance like this is probably not something you have a lot of control over, but man I’m finding it hard to relate to this dude. I think we’ve all had the impulse to j.o. at work, perhaps while looking at that saucy secretary or naughty CEO (mmm tell me more about fiscal solvency and making cutbacks to avoid layoffs) but actually taking the jump to doing it is a pretty unhealthy thing to do. I could only imagine that choking yourself out in a gas mask in the men’s room would make that even more difficult (and somehow even creepier). In fact, you’d be hard-pressed to find a creepier way to jerk off, unless you worked at a school for retarded kids and had a penchant for making them yell gibberish while you fist yourself. Yeah. That’d probably do it.

[source]

I’m all for people doing whatever works for them so long as it doesn’t endanger the lives of others. Unless they’re homeless people. I’ve been pretty ardent in my “pro-murdering-homeless-to-get-off” stance. So long as you give them a cheeseburger and a handle of vodka beforehand, your conscience should be clean. I mean seriously, it’s not like he was going to win the Nobel Prize. Unless they’re awarding a new Nobel Prize for crapting your pants and yelling that the spacemen are invading your brain. In which case, man, has the Nobel board really lowered their standards in award giving.

A young man from Cypress is set to be charged Friday with 13 felonies for what authorities say was an elaborate scheme in which he would obtain the personal information of unsuspecting young women through Facebook, then send them packages using assumed identities.

The women would receive an e-mail with a tracking number for a package from an “Art Shaw” of Aramark Corp. When they opened the package, they would find blank notepaper and envelopes, and sometimes, markers. Sharpie markers, according to police.

Police allege Arpan Harshad Shah, 26, used aliases, false e-mail addresses, drop locations and stolen corporate FedEx account numbers to hide the fact that he was the one sending the women packages.

When police served the search warrant, they found FedEx receipts from the three companies, Facebook records, notepads, envelopes and Sharpie markers. The Sharpies came in various colors.

Yes, this guy went through all this trouble and the possibility of several years of jail time on a felony for…sending girls paper and markers. I’m sure it’s some creepy fetish in which he’s like “Yeahhhhh, you take those markers you dirty little whore” but it just seems kind of pointless. What would he think they’re doing with the markers? As far as I know, when women receive a mysterious package, they don’t just immediately shove it into intimate areas. All I’m saying is if you want to be a creep, maybe you need to commit all the way and go with the classics…pictures of yourself in compromising positions, used tissues, crotchless panties. They’re classics for a reason.

[source]

It’s important to be nice and loose and limber before reading. What with all the vital leg movements you must do.

The commenter on this video who says “Intelligence fetish” is so right. She has HUUUUGE brains. Nice and full, round. Man, I’d love to just smush her brains together and ride them hard. It’d be just like the time I helped clean up Dealey Plaza.

Oh girl, don’t you know that with your pleated skirt, it will pop up and expose your derrière! My oh my, women…no foresight.

This video just kind of creeps me out. Yes the girl is well-endowed, but it looks like it was shot in the home of a recently deceased grandmother. And I’ll be damned if I get aroused by a recently deceased grandmother again, that’s for sure.

Maybe they should change the “Reading is fundamental” campaign to “Reeeading iiiiiis fuuuuundajerkofftothenwistfullycleanyourselfupwhenyou
realizeyoujustjerkedofftoclothedwomenreadingbooks.” Might be a bit wordy.

The L.A. Times is reporting that Alex Kozinski, chief judge of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, who is currently presiding over an obscenity trial in Los Angeles, has maintained a publicly accessible Web site featuring sexually explicit photos and videos.

Kozinski, 57, acknowledged in an interview with the LAT that he had posted the materials, which included a photo of a naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal. Some of the material was inappropriate, he conceded, although he defended other sexually explicit content as “funny.”

He said that he thought the site was for his private storage and that he was not aware the images could be seen by the public, although he also said he had shared some material on the site with friends. After the interview Tuesday evening, Kozinski, who pointed out that he never used appeals court computers to maintain the Web site, blocked public access to the site.

Asked whether the contents of his site should prompt him to step aside from the pending obscenity trial, Kozinski declined to comment. Opening statements in the trial were scheduled for this morning. In the case, Ira Isaacs, a filmmaker based in Los Angeles, is accused of distributing criminally obscene sexual-fetish videos depicting bestiality and defecation.

Kozinski told the LAT he would delete some material from his site, including the photo depicting women as cows, which he said was “degrading . . . and just gross.” He also said he planned to get rid of a graphic step-by-step pictorial in which a woman is seen shaving her pubic hair.

The post on the WSJ says that this brings up issues of partiality, which are central to the public’s interests as well as our..what the f photos of women painted like cows? Seriously? Did he also try to milk them? I mean, if you’re going to paint a bitch like a cow, I think it’s your civic duty to squeeze her supple bosoms as though they were udders. OOH or perhaps you can somehow rig a device that would squeeze fresh milk from her fake udders and you can drink it! ORRRR rub it all over your body and touch yourself! Man, I should have made fetish videos! Well, MORE fetish videos. With bigger budgets. I’m sorry film companies, but sending me to a barn with a cell phone camera and a couple of Cialis is NOT going to suffice ANY LONGER!