That’s like what happened at my family’s 4th of July a couple years back. One of my cousins came out of the closet and it was very courageous. But for someone that had been hiding their homosexuality for so long, the way he went around deep-throating everyone’s hot dogs was a slap in the face of America and the basic tenets of hot dog cleanliness.

I’m kind of surprised there isn’t more innovation in the field of fireworks though. I mean it’s pretty much been the same fundamental “Shoot colorful crap in the air, probably injure some redneck’s eye” for the same crap for 100 years hasn’t it? There’s been more innovation in the field of talking greeting cards than there have been in fireworks, and that’s sad.

Maybe I’m just too passionate about fireworks. I like fireworks a lot. They’re very loud and colorful, mindless fun. Though oddly, that’s the same reason I hate the Puerto Rican Day Parade. Well that and the rape.