I suddenly found myself in the thick of the protest – in the midst of hundreds of ultra-Orthodox Jews in their long coats and sable-fur hats.

Suddenly the crowd turned on me, screaming in my face. Dozens of angry men began spitting on me.

I found myself herded against a brick wall as they kept on spitting – on my face, my hair, my clothes, my arms.

It was like rain, coming at me from all directions – hitting my recorder, my bag, my shoes, even my glasses.

Big gobs of spit landed on me like heavy raindrops. I could even smell it as it fell on my face.

Somewhere behind me – I didn’t see him – a man on a stairway either kicked me in the head or knocked something heavy against me.

[via]

The state’s litter prevention program got an unusual ally last year: A neo-Nazi group adopted a half-mile section of highway in Springfield and picked up the trash.

The state said it had no way to reject the group’s application, saying membership in the Adopt-A-Highway program can’t be denied because of a group’s political beliefs.

Lawmakers responded with an amendment to a large transportation bill that would rename that section of road after Abraham Joshua Heschel, a rabbi who narrowly escaped the Nazis in World War II and later marched with the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

But the move is being criticized by Heschel’s daughter, who objects to naming the neo-Nazi’s patch of highway after her father and calls the plan “highly inappropriate and vulgar.”

“I don’t want Nazis stomping on a highway named for my father. What are they going to do then if they don’t pick up the litter? The whole thing is disgusting,” said Susannah Heschel, professor of Jewish history at Dartmouth College.

It does seem kind of fed up to me. Yeah, the Neo-Nazis want to own it to push their agenda, but whatever, that’s their right. So long as they don’t start burning ethnic minorities on that stretch of the highway, f it, let them do what they want if they’re keeping the highway clean. But it’s pretty juvenile to name the highway after a prominent Jewish leader just to spite some Neo-Nazis and prove some point to no one in particular. I bet they thought they’d do this and everyone would go, “Way to go Buffalo!! You showed them!” But instead they’ve somehow managed to unite the Jews and the Neo-Nazis in thinking the city of Buffalo are douches. The only other way to bring Jews and Neo-Nazis together would have been a Shiva. Since hitmen are so expensive, this was probably the more affordable solution.

[via]

A stash of cash landed in the trash when a woman in Israel dumped her mother’s mattress not knowing it was stuffed with the equivalent of about one million dollars.

Israeli media reported that the 40-year-old woman showed up at a garbage dump in a panic on Tuesday, looking for the valuable bedding.

She had bought a new mattress for her mother and, wanting the gift to be a surprise, threw away the old one. She then found out the decades-old mattress contained her mother’s life savings.

Workers are helping her search the garbage, but have found no sign of the cash so far.

And people said that with banks failing across the globe, it’d be safer to put your money in a mattress. Looks like, once again, financial experts are proven to be dolts. Or that it was more foolish propaganda by the puppetmasters at Big Mattress. Either way, someone deserves a knee to the groin.

I don’t think you can really blame the daughter. She probably saw the mattress being all lumpy from tens of thousands of singles being shoved in there and was like, “Well, this can’t be a comfortable night’s sleep!” It’s probably not her fault for failing to realize that her mother is a borderline retard who collects money in a hidden place like teens do with pornography.

[via]

Terror suspect David Williams’ father went on an anti-Semitic rant Wednesday after his son and three others entered not guilty pleas.

“The government is blowing this up, especially those Jews,” David Williams Sr. said of allegations the four suspects plotted to blow up Bronx synagogues.

“Those Jews in the media are turning this into something it is not.”

[via]

It may be called swine flu around the world, but a senior Israeli official on Monday changed the term in order not to pronounce the name of the animal whose meat is banned by Judaism.

“We will use the term Mexican flu in order not to have to pronounce the word swine,” said Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman of the ultra-religious United Torah Judaism party.

Eating pork is prohibited by Judaism, the religion practised by the majority of Israelis. Islam, adhered to by most of Israel’s Arab minority, likewise bans the consumption of pork.

[via]

A 14-year-old Israeli girl has got a divorce from her 17-year-old husband, making her what media are describing as the country’s youngest divorcee.

The divorce came after a rabbinical court ruled that their wedding met the major requirements of Jewish law.

The two sweethearts had exchanged vows in front of friends, exchanged a ring, and the union had been consummated.

When her parents found out what had occurred, they insisted on a religious divorce, which she initially refused.

The girl is said to have initially refused her parents’ demand for the divorce, saying she wanted to live with the boy.

She said she wanted to marry him officially when she was old enough.

The Israeli press says she only changed her mind when the boy’s parents offered her money.

[via]

How do you improve upon a candle? BY MAKING SEVEN OF THEM IN ONE! Man, that’s clever. The “more is more” philosophy is also pretty in line with America’s, I’d say.

Societal convention: Circumcision

Have you seen an uncircumcised penis? It’s all hooded and shady looking. Looks kind of like one of the police drawings of the Unabomber.

Enemy: Mel Gibson

Good to see his hatred for the Jewish people didn’t force him out of a prominent starring roles in Hollywood. *looks at IMDB page… Oh.

Half-Jewess: Scarlett Johansson

She’s allegedly half-Jewish and now married to a Canadian in Ryan Reynolds. If she were full-Jewish, they would have been married six months ago, she’d be done acting, and they’d currently be at Marshalls looking for a good deal on home goods.

Full-Jewess: Sarah Silverman

She’s funny, she writes in Hollywood, and she enjoys a good Holocaust joke. Which would probably make her a bad Jew to many Jews, but a fun Jew for all of us gentiles.

Food: Bagels

They have dough, a hole…what more can you ask for in a meal?

Things they control: It’s a tie! The media and the world’s supply of matzo.

You have to admire how they run the media with such an iron fist but at the same time, they’ve really kept matzo under control. Nary a gentile around would willingly eat that unleavened disaster.

Joke: This one. Below.

Why did the Jews wander the desert for so many years?

Someone dropped a quarter.

It’s funny because why would they wander the desert for a QUARTER?!!?! OH HO HO! I SLAY ME.

Stereotypical performance: Judd Hirsch in Independence Day

Unfortunately I couldn’t find a Youtube, but if you ever want to see a man Jewing it up in the Jewiest way possible, check this out. A performance of a Jewish man this nuanced is typically reserved for 1940s German films.

So happy New Year, my Jewish friends. Let’s all drink sweet wines and be economically sound to celebrate. Hooray!

Meet the “Rally Rabbi” of the San Francisco Giants. Given out during a Jewish Heritage Night in 2006, the Rally Rabbi’s favorite past times include circumcisions and controlling the media. Unfortunately, the Giants ended up losing the game to the Cincinnati Reds with a score of 6-3, proving that the Rabbi’s shofar wasn’t the only thing that blew in the stadium that night.

No this isn’t just some slob who really likes DVDs mailed to him. This is the bobble version of Netflix CEO Reed Hastings. The story behind this bobblehead is that Hastings gave these out to all his employees in 2004, upon the signup of the two millionth Netflix customer. Which is pretty great for morale. “Hey, I could give all you guys bonuses, but screw it…here’s my fat .com ass in bobblehead form! Keep up the good work!” Why not just hand out free kicks to the groin next time, Reed?

This lil guy is from the Gilroy Garlic Festival in California, a yearly event which, in 2008, drew almost 110,000 people. And any love of garlic can be quickly dampened when you look at the horrible genetic mutations the festival creates, such as towel-wielding garlic monsters that look vaguely like Snorks clad in basketball uniforms. I’m onto your tricks, Gilroy. You’re like a garlicy Island of Dr. Moreau.

Yes for all you Charles Darwin lovers, finally you can stick it to creationists IN BOBBLE FORM! It just seems to belittle Darwin’s importance as a researcher when you have him bobbling around like he’s a common outfielder or something. And what’s up with the chimp? I get why that’d be there, but it really just makes him look like he’s Michael Jackson in the 80s.

This bobblehead just seems redundant to me. I’m pretty sure the real Lance Bass’s head does more than enough bobbling up and down on things, why make this too?

Here’s a bobblehead of former Chicago alderman Burton Natarus. You’ll also note that apparently they don’t make bobbleheads as rotund as the real life Burton, since they shaved off approximately 150 pounds in this likeness. It’s a pretty big get for fans of local politics. Or people that like their bobbleheads to induce narcolepsy.

I don’t know where this guy is from (other than my wildest fantasies) but I assume it’s something to do with bodybuilding. The only reason to keep this one around is if your other bobbleheads feel underdressed. Or if you own the Lance Bass one.

Tennessee women’s basketball coach Pat Summit was immortalized in this bobblehead, possessing an creepy smile and eyes, even by bobblehead standards. In fairness, it does have a couple of positives going for it…if you want a bobblehead in a pants suit, this is one you need to consider. And they could just paint the hair a little blonder and reuse it as a Hillary Clinton bobblehead.

My disdain for the King is pretty well known, but I don’t get why this bobblehead needed to exist. You have a marketing concept in The King combined with a marketing concept in the Super Bowl and then add them to another marketing concept in a bobblehead and somewhere, someone is proudly displaying this in their trailer and going, “Yep, this is my pride and joy.” Just glue a Whopper costume to me so I can promote more things for you while you’re at it.

I’m not sure where this Shiva bobblehead came from other than perhaps from the isle of Sacrilege. I understand being proud of your religion, but I’m not sure having a bobblehead version of a God is the way to approach your religion with reverence. Unless the many arms bobbled too. Bobbling arms = class.

An extremely violent looking Jason bobblehead would be a perfect addition to any home. Assuming that if you’re a normal person, you like to be terrified that your bobblehead is going to attack you in the middle of the night after you sleep with a teenage camp counselor or that you want to raise a sociopathic child. Otherwise, you may want to stick to the limited edition John Wayne Gacy bobbleheads…at least he’s dressed up like a clown.

This doesn’t even look like Bernie Mac to me. It might just be a reused Eddie Murphy for all I can tell. On the plus side, at least this version of Bernie Mac can still move. Too soon?

Reddit’s awesome and all but I think I’d rather have a bobblehead version of Michael J. Fox on my desk rather than one of any social news site’s mascot. Though I guess it would be better than a Digg mascot, sitting there, menacingly wielding a shovel. I’d take the Reddit Alien’s rectal probing over my grave being dug(g) any day.