I can really relate to this girl’s desire to be Colonel Sanders. He’s confident, provides joy and obesity to millions, and he totally owned slaves. If you give him some Just for Men hair coloring, he’ll have it all.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a functioning alcoholic. They always say that the best role model you can have is your father. Or, in my case, the parade of men who’d often call me “son” before going into my mom’s room and making loud noises. Even to this day, whenever I hear a porn whore say “Cum all over my face,” I get the impulse to play with my Ghostbusters action figures and pretend I’m in outer space. It’s like a Pavlovian response, only instead of salivating, it’s a mixture of shame and confusing arousal.

[via]

A man was burned last night when he fell into a deep-fryer unit at a fried chicken restaurant, officials said.

The incident happened at the Kentucky Fried Chicken branch at 677 Daniel Webster Highway, officials said.

District Fire Chief Al Poulin said the 20-year-old man, whose identity wasn’t available, had been cleaning an exhaust hood over the fryer.

“He slipped and fell, and he fell down into the Friolator,” Poulin said.

The most disgusting/delicious part? You just know they didn’t adequately clean the fryer out afterwards, so I bet the next couple people who go in looking for a bucket of extra crispy end up getting some tasty 20 year-old man thrown in. It sucks because when I go to a KFC, I’m expecting first class service, cleanliness, and fresh food that tastes great. Oh, right, it’s KFC. I guess I’d be lucky if my “chicken” isn’t someone’s crap breaded and fried and the gravy isn’t just a cup full of diarrhea because, while both would certainly be flavorful, I’m really trying to keep the amount of crap I eat down to one or two portions a day. The food pyramid says that’s key to health.

[source]

A Hazmat call to a Manchester [New Hampshire] Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant was determined to have been sparked by a hoax call, police said.

Firefighters were called to the restaurant on Hooksett Road because employees reported eye and skin irritation from a fire extinguisher. When emergency crews arrived, they found three employees disrobed outside of the building.

The employees told police that the restaurant got a call from someone claiming to be from corporate headquarters who asked them to test their fire suppression system. When they did and reported that they had chemicals from the extinguisher on their clothes, the caller told them they needed to take their clothes off.

The workers said they became suspicious when the caller then told them to urinate on each other.

I could see how that might arise suspicions. Typically when someone tells you that you need to urinate on someone else, there should either be a jellyfish sting or an exceptional amount of cash involved. You do have to applaud the person on the phone for coming up with a clever way for making people to disrobe though. “There are chemicals in your building” should officially become the pick-up line for assertive perverts across the land.

Personally, I’m shocked that a couple of people working at KFC would be so gullible. I’m pretty sure they have pretty high standards of education there. Like did you know you have to be able to tell the difference between cooked and uncooked chicken? It’s like what the f am I, Jonas Salk?

[source]

A trio of Anderson girls are in hot water with their fast-food employer for dipping themselves into the sink used to clean dishes.

One of the girls bathing in the sink at the Anderson Kentucky Fried Chicken posted the photos on the Internet and after management learned of them, all three were suspended today, said Cheri, assistant manager at the restaurant. She declined to give her last name.

“The girls are being reprimanded for it,” Cheri said.

She said she learned of the photos, which had been posted publicly on the girl’s MySpace.com social Web site, during the dinner rush today.

The photos, which appeared to have been posted late last month, showed the girls bathing in the deep commercial sink and posing in their underwear and swimwear.

“I was in shock when I saw it,” Cheri said.

Granted, I’ve never worked in a fast food place, but I can’t see how one would see a part of the kitchen and go to friends, “Ladies, we totally need to get naked in this and take photos.” No matter how finger licking the chicken at KFC may be, I don’t think I’d so desperately want to be a part of the action. And, if I were one of the patrons of the KFC, I’d probably have figured out this situation much sooner. There’s no logical reason as to why all the chicken would taste like fish.

The only way this story could have been better is if these pigs found their way into the fry-a-lator by mistake. Could you imagine being the manager and having to explain that one to the police? I can think of no situation in which I could come off looking innocent when having to tell the cops that I just found these three girls deliciously battered in my frying machine. And then I’d probably have to explain why one of them had a bite taken out of them. I couldn’t help myself, she was original recipe and was covered in seven distinct herbs and spices!

Sorry for the crapty images but these are all I could find. You may be shocked to learn that teen whores bathing in a KFC sink is not the most well-photographed shoot ever.

[source]

H/T: I Love Bacon

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