As you know by now, The 82nd Annual Academy Awards happened (well, is happening… depending on when you read this). While I much prefer Playboy’s version of the red carpet I’ve still been impressed with the show tonight. Oh, and the ladies in attendance. (Though not as impressed as I was with what the ‘losers’ of the major awards received as parting gifts. Sheesh…)

Those in attendance at the shindig included (in order below): Kathy Ireland (Gorgeous, but what….a… freaking… airhead), Jane Seymour, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Giuliana Rancic, Elizabeth Banks, Diane Kruger, Deborah Ann Woll, Maria Menounos, Mariah Carey, Carey Mulligan, Anna Kendrick, Amanda Seyfried, Mariska Hargitay, Zoe Saldana, Virginia Madsen, Miley Cyrus, Samantha Harris, Jennifer Lopez, Penelope Cruz, Rachel McAdams, Kristen Stewart, Kate Winslet, Sandra Bullock, Demi Moore, Cameron Diaz, Elisabetta Canalis (and that George Clooney guy), Faith Hill, Tina Fey, Stana Katic, and HOLY MOSES… Charlize Theron.

The 52nd Annual Grammy Awards took place last night. Did you watch? I usually watch it just to see what chicks are in attendance and what they are wearing or in some cases, not wearing. Luckily for you, I have this Web site to share what I saw. And share I shall do. I found it amazing how many of these ladies with absolutely zero ties to music were checking out the festivities. Here’s a little sampling of who strolled the red carpet last night (in order below): Marisa Miller, Lauren Sanchez (WOW), Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi (OW), Kristine Elezaj, Jennifer Nettles, Lea Michele, Lady Gaga, Olivia Munn, Carrie Ann Inaba, Giuliana Rancic, Shaila Durcal, Tierney Sutton, Taylor Swift (who couldn’t carry a note last night despite winning Album of the Year), Colbie Caillat, Heidi Klum (CLEAVY!), Hayley Williams, Stacy Ferguson, Katy Perry, Melody Thornton, Hillary Scott (not the porn star), Shaun Robinson, Liv Jones, Chantel Christie, Paloma, Miley Cyrus, Tia Carrere, Carrie Underwood, Rihanna, Britney Spears (MOO), Nicole Kidman, Ke$ha, Ciara, Kristen Bell, and Beyonce. Amazingly Olivia Wilde wasn’t there. (UPDATE: Added some Kaley Cuoco pics I just ran into… so hot. Bottom of the page.)

On one hand we have Taylor Momsen slutting it up for the January issue of Cosmopolitan Spain. On the other hand we have Miley Cyrus slutting it up at the Coffee Bean. I think my hands are now full. Take that how you want. With Taylor it’s a carefully choreographed photo shoot that is meant to further her career (I guess) and with Miley it’s her natural skank self coming out now that she has dropped the bomb that she’s pretty much done being Hannah Montana, killing her gravy train. So which do you, uh, prefer?

Every year some radio station in Los Angeles hosts something called the Jingle Bell Ball. In London, another radio station hosts something called the Jingle Bell Ball. And every year many of the most sexy celebrity ladies attend the events. Why? Because that’s what they do. And what I do is show you the photos of the sexy celebrities who attend such events. It’s like the circle of life only more superficial. In order below: Lady Gaga (actually looking pretty hot), Stephanie Pratt, Leighton Meester, Joanna Krupa, Kristin Cavallari, Taylor Swift, JoJo Levesque (looking amazing), Miley Cyrus (looking as jailbaity as ever), Pixie Lott, Lisa Snowdon, The Sugababes and The Saturdays (with both groups in stellar outfits), Shakira, Adrienne Bailon, Katie Cassidy and Alesha Dixon.

America’s next great celebrity train wreck-in waiting Miley Cyrus just finished up her Wonder World Tour in Miami and we have some (how shall I put this and not get in trouble?) really interesting photos from her performance. Let’s just say that if the show is truly geared towards young girls then I am not letting my daughter go anywhere near Hannah Montana ever again. (Yes, I have a daughter. Shut up.) Miley also visited the pool at her hotel in Miami giving us a look at her less-than-a-year away from turning 18 bikini body, which features a “Just Breathe” tattoo underneath her less-than-a-year away from turning 18, um, never mind… Here’s pics…

Oh Pedobear, you always get into such crazy adventures.

Is there any doubt at all that, if you look at everyone on Earth, the person with the most Miley Cyrus investment (i.e. pictures, video, time spent thinking about her) is some creepy over-40 guy who thinks that all her songs are being sung directly to him? And to be fair, Miley asks for it. Her song, “40 Year-Old Guys Are Super Cute and I Want Them to Stalk Me” left a lot of room for twisted interpretation.

[via, as seen on]

In the defense of these guys, it’d be kind of hard to be manly while shirtless with your friends with a Miley Cyrus song in the background. Even if you were beating the crap out of each other in some sort of futuristic MTV bloodsport, it’d be hard to make that appear adequately heterosexual and violent with the Hannah Montana soundtrack blaring. Meanwhile you put some Metallica with anal sex and BLAM! Totally straight. At least that’s what I tell myself when editing the videos I collect with the hidden camera in my bedroom.

[via]

People like to say Miley Cyrus isn’t a great role model because she sexes up everything she does despite being underage. For example, in this clip, she emerged from a trailer to mount a stripper pole on top of an icee cart. But I have to disagree that this somehow makes her a bad influence. Let’s face it, if you’re living in a trailer, making it to a stripper pole is pretty much the peak of what you could do in life. The odds are way in favor of you giving bjs for meth or ending up 500 pounds and bedridden due to intense Ho Ho consumption than it is you making the stage at the local Cheetah Charlie’s, Hell, you’re pretty much a shoo in for an Alabaman Nobel Peace Prize if you’re a manager at an Arby’s. I don’t exactly think the cure from cancer is coming out of there, is my point.

[via]

Yeah, that’s pretty creepy. I guess you can’t begrudge Momma and Poppa Cyrus since their one child is more successful than a billion other random teenage girls combined, but come on. Maybe it’s just a generational thing. I have a little cousin who’s turning 12 who’s been begging her parents for a Web cam since “all her friends have one.” Now I’m assuming she means other 12 year-olds and not the cool gentlemen on Myspace, but there is no way your child having a Web cam would lead to any good. It’d be more responsible parenting to sell her for a dowry of chickens and a cow that’s not even that capable of tending to my field. But that’s a pretty tough deal to come by, especially in this economy.

[via]

A 53-year-old man who told police he is secretly engaged to marry Miley Cyrus has been charged with attempting to stalk the
teenage “Hannah Montana” star, who is filming a movie in Georgia.

Tybee Island Police Chief Jim Price said Wednesday that Mark
McLeod, 53, of Appling was arrested after Walt Disney Pictures
security officers reported he had returned to the beachside movie
set Sunday after police warned him to stay away in June.

“He was asking for Miley and going up and knocking on some
doors” of beach homes near the set, Price said. “The security
guards recognized him. In fact, he went up to the security guards
and asked them ‘Is Miley around?”‘

In March, the New York Daily news shot video of McLeod waiting
in line at a book-signing appearance by Cyrus in Manhattan. “Hold
me up. I’m a little bit nervous,” said McLeod, shivering in a heavy
coat and wool hat.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever, uh, actually been face to face
with her,” McLeod told the newspaper. “I talk to her a lot but it’s
kind of like I talk and she responds with pictures. It’s just the
way we communicate. I’m going to get her some flowers and I’m going
to ask her to marry me.”

I don’t want to generalize too much, but anyone who’ll wait in line for an autograph or a picture who isn’t under 15 years old probably has some sort of social defect. I just don’t get what meeting the celebrity du jour is going to do to really impact your life in any meaningful way. Wow, I smelled Miley Cyrus’s surprisingly odorous armpits, whoop dee doo, let’s throw a parade.

But yeah when you’re a 53 year-old guy and your fixation is some teenage pop star, I don’t think there’s a whole lot of hope for you. In fact, I’d be surprised there weren’t some young boys at a Hannah Montana concert who found their way to a watery grave because, hey Mark McLeod is a reasonable man…until you mess with his special lady who has no clue he exists except when he imagines photos talking to him. No poet could capture a love so beautiful.

[via]

For more Miley Cyrus, click here.

I get that Miley Cyrus should be entitled to her privacy and that, hey, it’s cool for girls to wear what they want. But at the same time, what I do in my home as a result of that should also be totally allowed. No matter how sticky nor how many stuffed Hannah Montana dolls it takes.

But I guess that doesn’t really matter. Granted, I don’t know much about fancy consensual sex laws, but I’m pretty sure that the rules are that if she looks like she’s of legal age and is wearing less fabric on her body than there is in a dollhouse’s window treatments, it’s fair game. I think this was established in the case of the State of New York v. That Guy With the Creepy Mustache.

Note: If the first image below doesn’t make you reconsider your stance on US statutory rape laws, well, I’m not sure I could ever persuade you.

Clearly the Ticketmaster artificial intelligence has gained self-awareness and a window to my soul. I think we both knew going in that paying at least $1000 (and that’s just Ticketmaster’s surcharges) for front row seats to Miley Cyrus’s Hannah Montana LIVE tour wasn’t going to get me any closer to her heart than the stalking or letters with my hair taped to it. But I guess it just hurts more when you have to hear it from a word verification field.

[thanks to Brandon for the tip]

That wasn’t all Dwayne did to freak out kids though…check him out dressing like Miley Cyrus. Yeah. That’s pretty normal.

The Kids’ Choice Awards is just an odd show. I don’t know what kids like but if I’m judging by this show (and Marlon Wayans’ Miley Cyrus thong joke at the link above), it’s a creepy older man saying borderline lecherous things and then getting doused with sticky viscous liquids. Which is pretty much counterintuitive to all of my adventures in babysitting.

Bonus: The best jizzy sliming ever belongs to 2004’s hit on the Olsen Twins. Skip to 1 minute in.

Either she is the biggest marketing genius in the history of the world or the dumbest, still not sure which. Either way she makes me uncomfortable in many ways… 18 can’t come soon enough.

More Miley Cyrus stuff here.

Miley Cyrus was at the Oscars last night, which strikes me as kind of odd. It’s not like Miley Cyrus is part of some great fraternal order of dramatic actors and actresses who should come out to fellate the accomplishments of other actors and actresses. She plays a character who has the exact same first name that she has, which is about as much of a stretch as me playing the role of someone who comes home after a night at the bar and masturbates to photos of Rainbow Brite in precarious positions.

But back to the pressing issue of her unflinchingly awesome cleavage, Miley Cyrus is legal for adult fun time in the UK but not here, which makes these photos completely unfair. She’s basically walking entrapment. I’m pretty sure that if you just saw Miley Cyrus walking down the street, someone would hop out and ask you to take a seat while offering you nothing in exchange but cookies, a smarmy glare, and an extended stay in the part of prison where My Little Pony stickers count as contraband.

Pretty much everywhere across the globe, Miley Cyrus is legally allowed to engage in Super Happy Adult Jizzy Fun Time. Except for America, where there are “statutes” which prohibit getting to know Miley on a more personal level. But if you were brought up on charges of said special friendship, how the f would that be fair? This is basically entrapment. Miley Cyrus is basically a piece of cheese in a mouse trap when she does stuff like this; it’s totally unevening the playing field. Girls her age should be, I don’t know, riding ponies or some crap. Wait her boobs fell out doing that too? AHHHHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

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The answer is of course the diabetic. You see Hannah’s goateed friend has diabetes but Hannah and her chick friend take him to a sweet 16 party with candy and sugar-filled items everywhere. Apparently the diabetic kid is also retarded because in spite of his diabetes, he tries to eat every sugary item at the party. Then Hannah and her chubby friend confront Lord Scruffychins about his diabetes and he comes clean about how he was embarrassed because people with diabetes should always be ashamed.

I think this episode went far, but not far enough. Why not have Miley Cyrus and her paunchy pal lure Ol’ Goat Face into some sort of trap, pretending that they want to have a raunchy threesome with him? Then, when he gets there, the girls lightly make out with him and tie him down and blindfold him, promising extremely kinky adventures. But then they just insert candy canes up his ass and dip the tip of his penis into a bucket of sugar. Then they go, “See, maybe you shouldn’t hide your diabetes” and when he wakes up from his coma, I bet he’ll have learned a really important lesson about friendship and being comfortable with who you are.

[Part 1 of the episode here, part 2 here. Via Buzzfeed]

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