People act like President Obama is the coolest guy to ever hold a higher office and, I must confess, he is both funky and fresh. But is he anywhere near as cool as Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin going on a hip-hop TV show in Russia? DOUBTFUL.

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin rubbed shoulders with rappers and was hailed with “respect” in a television show on Friday that could help boost his flagging ratings.

Putin, wearing a turtleneck sweater and jacket, went on stage to present awards to participants in “Battle for Respect”, a hip-hop music contest run by Muz TV, a Russian rival to MTV.

Despite hip-hop’s violent image, Putin had a stern message for the rappers about healthy living.

“I do not think that ‘top-rock’ or ‘down-rock’ breakdance technique is compatible with alcohol or drugs,” Putin told cheering hip-hoppers who responded with chants of “Respect, Vladimir Vladimirovich”.

[Reuters]

That’s pretty terrible to mock Christie for his weight. Just because a guy can’t run a block without falling over red-faced or because he can’t ride a bicycle without it bending in half like Bugs Bunny’s bicep when he flexes doesn’t mean that he can’t be a great politician. And I almost bought into you, Jon Corzine. Thank God that this animated amorphous blob of mashed potatoes came on Fox News to teach me a little something about tolerance.

[Buzzfeed]

There are too many crazy things to go on here. The best overall theme though is when dumb people are attempting to appear intelligent. It’s like a kid dressing up as a cowboy…what are you wrangling little guy? Nothing. In fact, a cow could murder you. So stop playing pretend.

A nation is only as strong as our weakest members. So I think we should have the dumbest Republicans and Liberals debating during election season. If nothing else, it’ll be an important reminder of how futile your voting efforts are…no matter what you do, there will still be people like this, as passionate, if not more so, than the most intelligent politico. So yeah, we’re in a good spot.

on 205th recommends…

More than 60 people across Andhra Pradesh have died of shock or committed suicide after the death of their chief minister Y S Rajasekhara Reddy, prompting his MP son Y S Jaganmohan Reddy to appeal to his late father’s admirers to be patient and brave.

“I appeal to all of you to be patient and be brave in this hour of tragedy. He (YSR) wanted to see a smile on the faces of all and if you resort to such things (suicide) this will hurt him,” said Jaganmohan, trying to hard to control his tears.

“I request you not to commit suicide,” said Jaganmohan, who was elected to Lok Sabha from Kadapa in recent elections and is being seen by many as the next chief minister. The appeal before the camera was telecast on all Telugu television channels.

That’s pretty amazing to yield that kind of power over people’s lives that they kill themselves just because you ceased to exist. I can relate though. I’ve never told you guys this, but I have soothsaying powers, meaning I can see the future. And I have seen my own death. I’m not entirely sure how I get to a point in life in which I die, suffocated in a vat of fudge, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be suitably epic. And I can only assume that the future I saw immediately after my death means people were heavily impacted. Dozens of people high-fiving at the funeral, chest bumping like the 1994 New York Knicks. I must have really made a difference in their lives.

[via]

San Francisco has paid at least $150,000 for Kenny Walters in the past year. He isn’t employed, has an arrest record as long as his hair, and can often be found passed out in a doorway on Haight Street.

Kenny Walters’ job is to get drunk.

He’s certainly not alone. “Chronic inebriants” are a grim and disturbing fact of life in San Francisco. They also cost the city millions.

Walters, who was decked out in a red, long-sleeve Spider-Man shirt, isn’t homeless or broke. The 41-year-old happily shared his story with me. He sat up, pushed his blond bangs off his face, and blinked his striking blue eyes until his surroundings came into focus.

“I do get caught for drinking out here every day,” he said affably. “I wish I had another beer right now.”

He said he gets $953 a month in Supplemental Security Income for disabled and aged citizens and pays $650 a month for a hotel room in the Tenderloin under the city’s Care Not Cash program.

Walters is usually too intoxicated to walk, which makes him ineligible for a sobering center. But regardless of where he goes, Walters isn’t bothered about the expense.

“Doesn’t cost me a thing,” he said cheerfully.

[via]

When you consider how funny people should be compared to what they say, it’s like factoring in a degree of difficulty. So given that Barney Frank is a prominent politician unleashing a burn like “Talking to you is like having a conversation with a dining room table” is the equivalent of a regular person making a joke so vicious that it causes the subject to leap off a large tower.

Though perhaps it is unfair to not expect such viciousness from Barney Frank since he is a gay guy. Gay guys are arguably the most underrated funny/vicious group of people around. All that sodomy makes you pretty tough. At least that’s what I learned in Sunday School.

I feel like I’m pretty well-read, but every now and then someone talks about some issue or bill or law or whatever and I end up just staring at them blankly or end up going, “Yeah, totally,” but the other person knows I have no clue at all what I’m talking about. So I’m pretty confident that in spite of my knowledge and worldliness 99% of the time, they’ll always remember that one moment and think I’m in idiot as a result. So whenever I don’t know something now, I scream, “THAT IS A LOAD OF BULLHOOEY…but I think you already knew that” and then walk out of the room backwards while pointing at them the whole way. Crazy? Perhaps. Impassioned? Seemingly. Perfectly manicured index finger? Without question.

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I’m kind of torn on the concept of universal healthcare. I’m all for poor people getting the same benefits as the wealthy, but I’m not sure that I want to pay for it. Every time I make a transaction with a less-fortunate person, I prefer to to do it myself so that I can see the look on their face when I do it. Also you can’t barter for sexual favors via a long-distance governmental deduction of my pay. That’d be the day! And what a day it would be.

At times like this, I really wish vampires existed. The vampires on True Blood self-segregate, but they all seem way too smart and worldly. But I bet real vampires would just be conspiracy theorists and totally nebbishly, like Woody Allen with a thirst for blood (ideally adult blood). You’d offer a vampire a cheeseburger and they’d say something like, “Oy, I’d love to, but it’d be bad for my diet. The doctor says I need to stick to O negative or I start to plotz.”

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on 205th recommends…

Scott Janke has been the town manager of Fort Myers Beach, FL, since March of 2008. That is, he was the town manager until an emergency meeting on Tuesday, July 21, at which he was summarily fired ‘without cause.’ The reason for the firing: Mr. Janke’s wife performs in adult films under the name Jazella Moore. Mayor Larry Kiker, who convened the emergency meeting, has said publicly that neither Mr. Janke nor his wife has done anything wrong or illegal. “If you look at it, the man didn’t do anything illegal,” said Kiker. “But it’s obvious what the issue is.” Could the issue be narrowmindedness? Prudishness? Or is it just good old-fashioned sanctimoniousness?

It seems that an article published on the Adult Industry News website ‘outed’ the porn star Jazella Moore as Anabela Mota Janke, the wife of Scott Janke. After receiving several media inquiries, the mayor decided to call a city council meeting. Mr. Janke was not present, but the city attorney was. The council voted 5-0 to terminate Janke’s contract, which contains a clause allowing the council to fire him without cause. Mr. Janke will receive a severance package that includes six month’s salary ($50,000) plus health benefits. Mayor Kiker made it clear that the termination had nothing to do with Janke’s performance. ‘”What we’re reacting to is the situation that the issue puts the town in, how effectively can we govern,” Kiker said. “We don’t need any distractions.” However, city council member Bob Raymond said, “In these types of jobs, trust is a very important thing. If you lose that, you’re losing a big thing.”

Well, on the plus side for the Janke family in contrast with that last quote, the wife has been gaining many big things in various holes so it pretty much evens out.

So what if a guy’s wife does porn though? I mean yeah, it’s kind of gross. And sure, it doesn’t necessarily reflect well upon the town to outsiders. But I’m sure they’re good people and that their sexual outlandishness is no worse than some of the deviancy from others in the town. Plus if they ever have a bake sale, “Jazella” can just use her vagina as a storage container for the Ho-Ho’s since many a creme-filled black thing has previously sought refuge in there.

[via]

on 205th recommends…

It’s a bit scuzzy to see world leaders acting like that, but at the same time it definitely humanizes them. Like what if the G8 Summit is all just one big elaborate scheme to get some time for the boys, maybe hit the strip clubs, get hammered and stoned, hit up the IHOP, scam on some bitches. Berlusconi gets all coked up and fs all the waitresses, Obama insists on watching Half-Baked but no one else goes along with it but he keeps insisting that they’re “missing the best part,” Sarkozy cries about how Carla Bruni yelled at him the other night, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper ends up tied to a flagpole after being sodomized and dressed like a clown. Just some good ol’ fashioned harmless fun (for everyone except Canada, because seriously Harper, you’re such a buzzkill).

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I’m all for the people in Iran staking a claim for democracy and all that, but I’m getting a little tired of the social pressure on me caring. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that they’re stuck under a leader who’s um, not a good guy? Maybe that’s not strong enough words. A leader who’s a bit of a meanie butthead jerk. Yes, that’ll do. But that’s what countries do, sort crap out. No one came over and jerked our ancestors off when they overtook the British. There were no red Twitter icons on the 1700s form of Twitter (carrier pigeons). Root them on, yes, but let them do their thing. Unless you’ve got some dictatorship-destroying flying carpet, in which case you were a dick for holding out on that thing for so long.