Yikes, that was a blood curdling scream. I haven’t heard a lady scream like that since the last time I slept with a girl. I know how to get a girl going in the bedroom, what can I say? Okay fine, I’ll give you guys a tip. Put a little bit of cayenne pepper on the tip of your manhood beforehand. The sex will be awful, but at least, that way, you can blame the cayenne pepper as opposed to a method of movement I like to call “The Slug Attempting to Remove Its Genitals from a Divot”.

[Fark]

This is why I’d never be a good prankster. I have no doubt at all that this guy went through a lot of effort to pull off. First he had to acquire the typewriter, then carry all its heaviness to class and set it up without being too obvious to maximize the laughs. Yet this kid was committed and got it done. I’d have probably gone to get the typewriter, picked it up and went, “Waaaah this is heavy” but decided I still wanted to pull the prank off in some fashion. So instead, I’d bring a slightly older laptop with Windows 95 on it and yell out of the side of my mouth, “Haha everyone see Chris with his wacky older laptop with Windows 95 on it? What a card!” while everyone just stares at me and thinks I’m both insane and poor. You’d think they’d have inferred that from my extension cord belt already, but apparently the point needed to be driven home further.

That’s pretty crazy. You wouldn’t think they’d be able to get away with such wackiness at a classy establishment like Red Lobster. Anywhere that has stuffed lobsters on the wall and people who come around singing that ridiculous “TODAY IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY” song is pretty much a tuxedo away from being a recognized 5-star dining experience.

Those cheese biscuits rock my ass off though. They could tell me that they get a squid to jerk off onto them and they’re so delicious that I wouldn’t even give a f. I’d let that delicious squid jerk off straight into my mouth. Though man, that’d be pretty awkward for someone to walk in on without any context.

See? Pranking old people is fun! Like when I worked at the senior care center and would often replace their heart medicine with candy coated Valentine’s hearts. We’d laugh and laugh. I assumed they were laughing too, but they were so old that it pained them so they had to grab their chests. And then they’d turn blue and I’d be like, “Omg you should so see your face now! You totally got PRANKED!” It’s called giving back, folks.

I don’t really care so much about mocking a tragic situation or how Fox News looks like assholes here. I’m not much of a Howard Stern guy, more of an Opie and Anthony man myself, but I’m sure he does a fine show still. But overall, whether the show Stern show is going strong or not, this “Baba Booey” joke needs to stop now. Like, it’s done. Over. We’re good. It had its run. We don’t see people riding down the street on those bicycles with one huge wheel and a handlebar mustache, we don’t have guys still playing huge boomboxes in the street while breakdancing on cardboard, so we can probably put this “joke” which has been going on FOR THREE DECADES to rest, can’t we?

Then again, that Fox News anchorlady does look pretty freaking retarded. The guy basically said his prank and stopped and she continued with the line of questioning like a freight train. What would it have taken to make her realize the call wasn’t real? Saying the shooter was f’ing the ears of his hostages? Or that he had turned into a firebreathing dragon at some point? Because firebreathing dragons don’t commit crimes like this. That’s just a stereotype. Take your dragon-bashing elsewhere, fascist.

Or MAYBE this is the first actually good April Fool’s Day prank ever. I mean the commitment it takes to a joke to light yourself on fire, threaten the life of an infant, and run around like you’re one of the Fantastic Four is something to be applauded. That is dedication to your art.

Seriously though I f’ing hate April Fool’s Day. Other than a couple of cool things (check out Reddit’s design or the old prank Opie and Anthony pulled by announcing the Mayor of Boston had died), April Fool’s is a holiday for unfunny people to do unfunny pranks to other unfunny people who then go, “Oh ho, you got me!” Acceptable pranks:

-Mailing your friend fake test results from his doctor that declare him HIV positive
-Putting a friend’s photo and cell phone number up on Craigslist in the “Erotic Services” category
-Injecting a coworker with the ebola virus, waiting for them today
-Coming in with a fake mustache and declaring yourself to be “Senor Pedorasto” and asking “donde estan los niños”
-Running over your boss, then telling the office that “some black guy did it”

See? It’s not so hard.

A nasty Valentine’s Day Craigslist prank could lead to the arrest of a Texas man on harassment charges.

According to police, a phony personal ad was placed on the popular classifieds site offering men sexual favors. The ad, placed on the site’s “Women Seeking Men” section, included a phone number and two photos of a woman, named Jennifer, who purportedly placed the ad. The posting promised suitors that the advertiser would “moan like Shamu.”

The phone number listed was that of Jennifer Orr, a 21-year-old who called cops when she was bombarded with about 150 text messages and 50 phone calls from men who had seen the Craigslist ad. Orr told TSG that the photos included in the ad were taken from her MySpace page.

[source]

H/T: Next Round

H/T; BrightBlackInternet