I haven’t heard of the 26 year-old Princess Madeline, of Sweden, before and I’m wondering why. She’s hot, she’s young, she’s rich, she rode horses under a pseudonym, she was even #12 on this year’s Forbes list of hottest young royalty (ignore the fact that some absolute monstrosities come up after her picture). So why is she not trying to sell women mascara or f’ing one of the dudes from Gossip Girl or something?

This is so typical of the way the world works. There’s a gorgeous princess out there in the land of sexy blond women and, instead, the only royalty we get imported is that horseface Diana and that pig Fergie. Come to America, Madeleine! Reality shows, expensive gas, large hamburgers, music television networks that don’t actually play music, and complete economic ruin await you on this side of the pond. Truly everything a princess could need!