Really, that means nothing to the general population. But to sports bloggers, it’s like having a social media orgasm in front of the computer. I’ll admit, a tingly sensation went down my spine as I clicked on the follow button and found out I was her 1238th follower.

A number I’ll gladly post on my resume for years to come. I find it eerily similar to woman claiming to be a number on Wilt Chamberlain’s Hall of Fame 20k (probably the best unknown SNL skit of all-time) but that’s neither here nor there.

With Andrews on Twitter, we’re sure to get compelling photos like this one she posted last night.

Considering the amount of arm and hand injuries Erin Andrews has caused many a lonely man in front of their computer, this picture seems more than appropriate.

Allow me for a second to preface the following couple of paragraphs.

Bill Simmons is a talented journalist and probably the best sports writer in America today. I also realize that Twitter is as informal as it comes and when you have as many followers as he does, you’re bound to piss off a handful of people.

But Simmons’ Detroit bias is well-known. In fact, I don’t expect him to be fair and balanced when he lived through the 80s Celtics/Pistons clashes. Speaking as somebody who lived through that from a Detroit perspective, I couldn’t dream to write about Boston objectively.

But this tweet was so amazingly stupid, it hurt my brain.

Coming into this season, the Pistons have missed the playoffs twice since the mid 90s. Twice. They reached the Conference finals 6 years in a row and have a NBA title in the last decade.

Compare that to the Detroit Lions who have ONE PLAYOFF WIN IN THE LAST 50 YEARS. They have won two games in the last two seasons combined. The fan base is so beaten down that most Lions games this past season were blacked out. Having not sniffed a playoff berth in over a decade, the fans have decided to just stop spending money on their team.

I was at Ford Field for the opener this past season and it’s fair to say that the fans around me were more interested in that chick fight than the game itself.  I’ll even go as far as making this absolutely absurd but true statement

Of the 25 most depressing things that have happened in my life, the Detroit Lions account for about half.

That should give you an idea of how bad things are for Lions fans and how thankful we are that the Detroit Pistons are 10x the franchise that shitty team in Ford Field could ever be.

Kim Kardashian launched her new fragrance. One problem though… the logo for the swill appears to have been lifted. The double K logo on Kim’s fragrance bottles bears a striking resemblance to the double K logo of a jewelry line called Korcula. I think I saw that movie.

Matthew Fox has allegedly been cheating on his wife with a stripper from Oregon. “I was dancing onstage, and I made eye contact with him immediately. I got so excited,” Stefani tells In Touch. Since she was a big Party of Five fan, she recognized him right away — but she soon found out he was much different from the clean-cut characters he plays.” Apparently Matt doesn’t get “Lost” in a strip club.

Charlie Sheen will also be going to rehab following in his wife’s recent footsteps. “He’s dragging his feet,” one source said. “He really doesn’t want to go. He’s going to go. He has to go. But he’s not in yet.” That’s what she said.

Abbie Cornish dumped Ryan Phillippe because of rumors that he cheated on her just like he did with Reese Witherspoon. The split follows months of tabloid speculation that Phillippe has been unfaithful to Cornish – regularly hitting the nightclubs and being linked to other women. Guys got some game for a washed up, never was, doesn’t he?

Lindsay Lohan gave an interview to The Sun in which she discussed her lesbianism. “If I wasn’t with Samantha, I would probably be with a boy next. She’s the only woman I’ve been attracted to. We love each other. We might reconcile the relationship, maybe. I don’t know.” Wake me when I care.

Barack Obama loves to sweat it out to Jay-Z. The rapper recently told Britain’s BBC One that the last time he spoke to the President, it was his Blueprint album that was playing in the background. Barack talks to Jay-Z? Really? For exactly what purpose? Does anyone else find that unusual? No? Okay.

The new Karate Kid movie that Will Smith bought for his son like rich-people karaoke has a new trailer out. This one has a little more focus on the plot, which is pretty much a straight lift from the first one. So basically, it’s Arnold from Happy Days teaching Johnny Cade from The Outsiders karate all over again?

Remember how Carrie Prejean was all “traditional marriage” this and “traditional marriage” that? Yeah, not so much. A source close to Carrie and her fiancee NFL QB Kyle Boller confirmed to RadarOnline.com that Carrie has indeed moved in with him. “She’s living there. He’s remodeling the house and she’s helping him.” Good. This just speeds up the inevitable fun-for-us divorce.

Rozlyn Papa of The Bachelor ‘fame’ has a sex tape being shopped around? The buzz is that there’s new celebrity sex tape being shopped around the porn community and the person peddling the tape says Papa is the star of the flick. Awesome, another sex tape. Now who the hell is Rozlyn Papa again?

Tiger Woods has checked himself into an Arizona rehab clinic for addiction to Vicodin and Ambien, according to The National Enquirer. “In therapy, Tiger blamed a lot of his cheating behavior on his drug addiction, saying that the drugs were responsible for impairing his judgment,” said a totally reliable source. Next we’ll find out he knows the true whereabouts of Amelia Earhart.

Jon Cryer’s ex-wife was trying to have him assassinated. Really. According to documents filed in the custody battle between Cryer and ex-wife Sarah Trigger, Trigger’s lawyer claims on December 21, 2009, Trigger told her that her ex-boyfriend, Eddie Sanchez, had said he was going to kill Cryer and Trigger’s estranged husband, David Dickey. Looks like he almost became the “half” part of Two and a Half Men.

Brazilians want Paris Hilton’s new beer ad completely removed from circulation down there. A government official for woman’s affairs claims the commercial “devalues woman, particularly blondes”. I think Paris Hilton doing an ad for a beer company devalues the beer company, but that’s just my take on it.

In a sad note, Walter Koenig — father of Growing Pains actor Andrew Koenig — his son, who had been missing since February 14, took his own life. Boner, we hardly knew ye.

Oh, and Conan is now on Twitter. As is Ozzie Guillen. Choose wisely.

Everyone and their great-grandmother is on Facebook these days, celebrities are tweet-fighting with their children, and normal people can’t seem to stop broadcasting every trivial detail about their lives. Things that never should be told to anybody are now online for anyone to Google and find. No matter how many social networks you belong to or how often you update your favorite movies on Facebook, there are 7 things that you should never share on your social media.

1. A Break-Up
@babyhunnyxo69 it’s not u, it’s me, 2 sum it up, I’m seeing some1 else.

Breaking up with your girlfriend via a tweet makes breaking up with a woman on her voicemail look chivalrous. It’s one thing to want to keep it short and undramatic, it’s another thing to say it in under 140 characters. If you can’t bear the thought of telling her to her face, try i.m-ing her. Nothing says I’m sorry like a sad smiley face followed up by a kissy face.

2. Pregnancy Scares
Erica is late…cross your fingers I’m not preggers.

Considering Facebook doesn’t have a pregnancy test feature yet, it’s wildly inappropriate to broadcast this online. Your one line sentence will send all your female friends into a panic as they contemplate if their nausea this morning was more than just a hangover. And the worst part is that all your recent hook-ups will have a full-on heart attack — which will ironically let them completely off the hook for child support.

3. Tragic situations
Join the “Pray Robert survives his suicide attempt” Facebook group.

Signing onto Facebook for the sole purpose of poking your crush takes a dark turn when you’re invited to join a deeply upsetting group. This is no “Austin blacked out, lost his phone, needs your digits” Facebook group. It’s basically a casual way for a priest to eventually draft a eulogy using Facebook wall posts. Instead of creating a Facebook group that places your friend’s sickness on the same level as a Farmville invite, try making an old-fashioned phone call.

4. Daily schedule
Crystal is waking up too early (ugh) to go to the gym, then shower, then work, then lunch, then more work, then home, then new episode of Jersey Shore!

Unless your schedule involves something out of the ordinary (shower, work, hook-up with Michelle Obama), no one cares. Sure everyone is super happy that you can function like a normal human being, but no one is going to give you gold stars for managing to complete basic human functions. So unless you would like to openly invite a stalker into your life, quit letting everyone know your second to millisecond schedule.

5. Bodily Functions
Brendan regrets drinking that keg of coffee yesterday, can’t move more than 5 feet from this toilet.

Unless your Doctor writes prescriptions based on your Twitter updates, there is no need for this level of over-sharing. No one wants to hear when you have the PeptoBismol rundown (cue the music: heartburn, nausea, indigestion, diarrhea). Not to mention you lose huge “I’m so sick” credibility when you’re clearly well enough to type a coherent sentence on Twitter.

6. Level of Drunkery
Alissa is cracking up that she blacked out at her company holiday party

This would be a wildly cool status if we were still in high school and people still drew penises on your forehead when you were drunk. But, unfortunately you’re an adult now and the people around you expect you to be able to drink without ending the night riding in an ambulance. Have some respect for yourself and use your status to draw attention away from yourself and onto someone else’s drunken behavior.

7. Messages to Celebs/Athletes/Musicians
Sam is shame on you Jon Gosselin.

Unless you’re one of Jon Gosselin’s 29 children, it’s highly unlikely he’s reading your Facebook status. In fact, there’s a pretty strong likelihood that he has no idea that you even exist. Instead save your knack for online lecturing to make your friends feel bad about themselves. Nothing makes people engage in a little self reflection like a “Laura, you were a massive bitch last night” status.

Either way, I’m very upset at my decision if only for this picture Andy Murray posted this morning.

I understand celebrities and athletes believe their fans want to know what’s going on in their daily lives. But I’ll tell you most truthfully right now, I could have probably gone my whole life without seeing him spread his legs while he was getting a massage.

But hey, that’s just me.

In what I believe is the first ever actual documented entertaining conversation to be held on Twitter, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher actually did it without typing a single word. In the process they managed to both entertain me and make me hate Ashton (i.e become even more jealous) more than ever before. Wonder what they meant by “U R Wanted?” Hmmm… Just follow the pics in order below and you’ll see what transpired… (that was Rumer Willis in one of the pics below, right?)

Frankly, I think it was the fault of the one in the middle. You don’t get a turquoise suit like that without a bit of dabbling in the world of criminality. Now you might think that’s racist, but I disagree. If anything, it’s empowering. So often are creepy white men accused of sexual crimes. Why are they the ones who get all the glory? I say that black women with large hoop earrings are just as capable of orchestrating a gang rape as you, White Devil. Please, please, don’t applaud me, I’m just giving Kym Thurman what she needs: Someone to believe in her.

[Joe My God, thanks Jay for the tip!]

The now-removed Tweets:

“I give myself to Lucifer every day for it to arrive as quickly as possible. Glory to Satan!”

“i hope that the new world order will arrive as soon as possible! -Britney”

Totally seems like something she would say, right? I mean, it says “-Britney” at the end. Why would someone sign that if they weren’t Britney? That’s just absurd and logistically impossible.

And her team’s reply:

Britney’s twitter account was just hacked. The situation has been resolved and we apologize for any offense the hacker’s messages caused.

Also worth noting is that her background was changed to the logo of the mysterious Illuminati, a mythical cabal who some conspiracy theorists believe control the Earth and free markets through shadowy dealings. It would definitely make sense why they’d go after Britney. After all, controlling the banks and the media can only take your movement so far. Clearly the next logical step is to go after yoyo dieting former pop stars who makes your previous masturbatory fantasies somewhat ironic and kind of depressing. I’d be carefully guarding my Twitter if I were Debbie Gibson. Her fan would be really disappointed.

[Mashable]

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This comic points out something to me indirectly which I never considered before…there are really no kids on Twitter. I guess it’s the lack of shiny pictures and toys to play with and the fact that kids have the attention span and pithiness of a retarded monkey. But what makes that even odder is that there are a lot of creepy older men who run “social media marketing” companies whom if you’d seen them on the street, you’d probably go, “Oh yeah, that dude kind of looks like a kidtoucher.” So the question is…what ARE they planning?

A blogger, in fact a Detroit blogger, picked up on the story and it spread through the internet like wildfire.

What followed was indeed amusing. A pornstar making a moral argument?

Yep. I’m still stunned

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I’m all for the people in Iran staking a claim for democracy and all that, but I’m getting a little tired of the social pressure on me caring. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that they’re stuck under a leader who’s um, not a good guy? Maybe that’s not strong enough words. A leader who’s a bit of a meanie butthead jerk. Yes, that’ll do. But that’s what countries do, sort crap out. No one came over and jerked our ancestors off when they overtook the British. There were no red Twitter icons on the 1700s form of Twitter (carrier pigeons). Root them on, yes, but let them do their thing. Unless you’ve got some dictatorship-destroying flying carpet, in which case you were a dick for holding out on that thing for so long.

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