Trust me, I wish this was a piece from The Onion but sadly, its not.

Thursday evening Kiffin received a verbal commitment from 13-year old wunderkind quarterback David Sills of Bear, Del.

Too young?

Not according to his personal coach Steve Clarkson, who has mentored some of the game’s best quarterbacks including current USC starter Matt Barkley.

“His skill set is off the chart,” Clarkson said. “I’ve never seen anyone at his age do what he’s been able to do.”

Allow me a moment to digest some of this information…

At 13 you are in the 8th grade right? Well, let me tell you a quick story. I was a pretty good athlete when I was young, even started on the 7th grade basketball team, played football, ran track….Did the things a normal kid in middle school does.

And then right around the age of 14, I saw my first pair of real boobies. No, not the ones in that porn I lifted from my friends dad….real, live boobies.

Let’s just say my focus turned elsewhere after that. In what started as a promising athletic career quickly transformed into horny, sex-driven teenager.

Fast forward a decade or so later and I’m an overweight, out of shape blogger.

So my advice to quarterback extraordinaire David Sills, unless you want to end up like me, keep the boobies at bay. They’re more powerful thank you think.

Unless you were passed out from overeating on Thanksgiving, you missed an exciting weekend in sports. And by exciting we mean, damn, Tiger’s wife went Chris Brown on him…But we’ll get to that later.

Every Monday on Guyism, we take a look at some of the worst blunders, coaching moves, and general athlete douchebaggery of the weekend and give you the reader a chance to vote.

Today, we look at USC coach Pete Carroll and UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel.

Usually, we like to examine two completely separate incidents of douchebaggery but this one was too juicy to pass up. With less than a minute left in the USC-UCLA rivalry and USC up two touchdowns, the game seemed well in hand. USC kneeled the ball and everyone thought the game was over. But then, for some odd reason, Rick Neuheisel called timeout. Far be it for me to speculate as to why he called the timeout knowing his team couldn’t win the game, but I digress. Coming out the timeout USC called for a deep pass that resulted in a touchdown. Pete Carroll, who just recently questioned Jim Harbaugh’s Stanford Cardinals running up the score on him, didn’t mind rubbing some salt in the Bruins’ wounds.

But that’s not why Pete Carroll is a candidate for BWD. Its the riled up celebration he started after the touchdown. Similar to that of a little league team taunting an opposing team’s pitcher after slapping him around.

Rick Neuheisel looked stunned at the pass call but he’s got no one else to blame but himself. USC was content on a 2 touchdown victory and was ready to go home.

Two incidents, same game. Who’s the bigger culprit?

You know, what is it about these USC football players? They seems cocky as hell. Like they don’t have a care in the world and that there are any repercussions for their actions.

Well Rey, be forewarned. If I ever see you disrespect my girl Erin again, we’re going to have problems. You know, like, me and you, and a cheap shot to the balls when you’re not looking.

Got it?