No iPhone 5, only an iPhone 4S unveil today, according to sources

Chris Spags Founder and Editor

According to leaks on Apple’s Japan Web site and some URL sniffing from Apple site 9to5Mac, it appears that we won’t be seeing an iPhone 5 today, just an iPhone 4s. Developing

Screen Shot 2011 10 04 at 1.00.22 PM 135x95 No iPhone 5, only an iPhone 4S unveil today, according to sources We’re going to be checking out a bunch of liveblogs at once to compile the news you need to know since Apple refuses to invite us to things (probably because of how often I curse my iPhone’s name while shaking my fists at the sky).

Today, we’ll be looking at live coverage from Mashable, GDGT, and others.

1:07PM Eastern The opening of new Apple CEO Tim Cook’s keynote is centering around Apple’s growth in China, specifically its new stores. Videos, slides, etc promoting how much people in China are going apeshit over Apple. Yeehaw.
1:09PM Apple has six stores in China now. My iPhone 3GS is looking at me, disgusted. “See what happens when you try to replace me? You have to hear about China for half an hour. Anyway, I’m going to go back to not having functioning speakers and crashing once a day. Later, bro.”
1:10PM Mac OS X Lion was the first digital download OS and was download six million times. I am one of those six million. It added nothing to my life but I do like lions, cowardly or otherwise, so there’s that.
1:12PM Tim Cook is shitting all over PCs, saying Macs are outselling them 4:1. This does nothing for the general consumer other than make me feel like part of the winning team. Which, as a Cowboys fan, it’s nice to be a part of for once.
1:14PM 300MM iPods were sold since the product’s inception ten years ago. They outpace athlete penises entering a Kardashian at a 2:1 pace. That may not be an actual stat.
1:17PM iPhone 4 has accounted for half of all iPhones sold overall. It has an unparalleled customer satisfaction rating. This is probably how they’re going to excuse the notion of going, “Eh, fuck it, you guys are cool with just a slightly better version of this, right?”
1:18PM Tim Cook: Cocktease. We’re going back to the iPhone momentarily. Now it’s time to talk iPad.
1:20PM The gist of the iPad schpiel: “People also love the shit out of this big iPhone, too.” Oh and it’ll reinvent education. K.
1:22PM Cook intros Apple iOS President Scott Forstall to discuss iOS 5.
1:25PM There are 1 billion apps downloaded from the App Store each month. Wowza. That’s a lot of Vuvuzelas and fart apps.
1:26PM Big news so far: A new app called “Cards” will allow you to print and mail cards from your iPhone or iPad. Yes, you can now do what people did 800 years ago from your $1,000 pocket computer.
1:28PM iOS 5 makes Notifications less obtrusive. They function more like “Growl” on Macs now, totally uniform.
1:29PM iOS 5 pushes info to all synced devices. You can pick up where you left off on your iPhone when using your iPad. Pretty slick, though I use those for different things, so perhaps ultimately pointless. Still, at least it’s not printing and mailing cards for me.
1:30PM Twitter integration…whatever. Newsstand app allows you to subscribe to media…whatever.
1:31PM Camera allows you to take photos from the home screen. Congrats, upskirt pervs!
1:32PM They’re proud of Gamecenter. I feel like I’m seeing a kid brag about getting an A in 1st grade math. Like yeah, it’s cool, but we don’t need to puff our chests out about everything.
1:36PM They say improvements in iOS 5 will allow you to ditch your home computers for an iPad/iPhone combo. Uh, yeah, no. Fapping on an iPhone is bordering on mental gymnastics.
1:37PM iOS 5 will be available for download on October 12th! NEWS!!!!!
1:39PM Now talking iCloud. iCloud will allow you to wirelessly sync apps since people often complain about having to update so many things at once. Same applies for iTunes/your pics.
1:42PM Apple’s trying to take Foursquare’s money with a new app called “Friends and Family.” It’ll tell your friends and family where you are during temporarily allotted blocks of time. I still love you, Foursquare!
1:45PM New feature, part of iCloud, is iTunes Match. It’ll search Apple’s library for songs you have ripped, then store them in the cloud. $24.99/year, rolling out end of October. iCloud will be out with iOS 5 on 10/12.
1:48PM iPods are still around. Since I give no fucks about this, I will assume you don’t either. Short of it: New user interface, seems like they’re catering to fitness junkies.
1:54PM …and gamers. Apparently the iPod Touch is now the world’s most popular gaming device too.
1:56PM A5 chip in the new iPhone 4S, dual-core CPU, supposedly twice as fast at CPU tasks. Also features dual-core graphics and runs up to 7x faster than the previous iPhone.
2:03PM iPhone 4S will be work with CDMA or GSM, meaning it can function around the world.

gdgt iphone 5 event 044 No iPhone 5, only an iPhone 4S unveil today, according to sources
Photo Credit: gdgt

2:08PM iPhone 4S will take photos ridiculously fast compared to competitors, specifically Droid Bionic, Samsung Galaxy II, and the HTC Sensation.
2:11PM Video will be 1080p and feature image stabilization. I cannot encourage you people who send us street fight videos enough to get this phone. I grow weary of posting things that look like rides at Universal Studios.
2:14PM The new Assistant app, Siri, is the show closer. It’ll use your voice to tell your phone what to do, i.e. “Text James a picture of my penis.” Why you’d text James a picture of your penis is entirely up to you!
2:38 PM The iPhone 4S will be available in black and white versions on October 14th with a 16GB costing $199, 32GB for $299, and the 64GB for $399. You can pick up the new iPhone on AT&T, Verizon, and, yes, Sprint.

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