VIDEO: Watch Facebook’s new features being rolled out live from F8
Chris Spags Facebook is rolling out new features right now! There’s a cameo from Andy Samberg doing an impression of Mark Zuckerberg! WATCH!
UPDATE: Go here to watch just the clip of Andy Samberg impersonating Mark Zuckerberg.
We’ll liveblog the news items as they happen…
-The keynote opens with Andy Samberg as Mark Zuckerberg
-1:20PM: Zuckerberg comes out and has an extremely awkward interaction with Samberg. Zuckerberg is laughing a lot in an effort to appear comfortable an jovial. It’s making me feel twinges of pain in my loins.
-1:25PM: Half a billion people used Facebook in one day last week, a record for the site. I’m assuming that doesn’t count the number of people posting that fucking “Yo Dawg” Xzibit picture yesterday.
-1:27PM: Zuckerberg is discussing the original Facebook profiles and how basic they are. As opposed to the riveting advancements from Facebook yesterday that led to me seeing 500 statuses about how confusing the new Facebook is. Now that’s progress!
-1:29PM: According to Zuck, Facebook is now about telling people “the story of your life.” The new feature designed to accomplish that is called “Timeline” and it features “all your stories, all your apps, and a new way to express who you are.” My virtual farm cultivation skills are really going to come in handy.
-1:32PM: Here’s a screengrab of the new “Timeline” feature:
That dog is Zuck’s “cover photo”. Uh, sure, why not.
-1:35PM: This “Timeline” shit is going to get really tragic if you’re one of those people who’s constantly bragging about relationships on Facebook. It’ll be like a slideshow of a Katherine Heigl movie.
-1:37PM: You can see everywhere you’ve been on a travel timeline. One would assume you’d have to be using Facebook Places to make that work. Aside: All of Zuck’s jokes are bombing. My favorite part of the presentation thus far.
-1:40PM: The timelines are going to emphasize using apps to aggregate data about yourself to churn out mini-infographics about trends. So if you make steak every day, the app will tell your timeline that. And if you eat nothing but salad, another app will call you a homosexual epithet.
-1:42PM: Zuck keeps saying “Express who you really are.” Meanwhile, some hipster artist is saying, “Yeah, express who I really am so long as they don’t interfere with your uniform design, right, Facebook?” Oh snarky imaginary hipster.
-1:43PM: He’s now sharing photos of himself on a roadtrip with his girlfriend. Oversharing!
-1:45PM: We’re now seeing a traveler and musician’s timeline. They kind of look like overly personal Tumblrs, complete with an infinite scroll.
-1:46PM: Here’s how the timeline of someone who runs a lot would look on Facebook mobile:
-1:48PM: They just showed a really snazzy video of one of Facebook’s product guys’ life timeline. Have to say, overshare-y though it may be, it does look kind of cool. Kind of lacked the sentimental quality of some of the Apple commercials, but I’d recommend finding that one after this conference livestream ends.
-1:52PM: New feature #2: You can now “verb” something. Like “watch” “Bridesmaids” or “eat” “a sandwich”. That’ll be what goes in the “Ticker,” that thing on the top right of your Facebook homepage. The goal is to be not as annoying because the Ticker moves so quickly.
-1:56PM: Part of the goal of advancements in Facebook apps are to make the interactions more “frictionless.” This means significant changes to the permissions dialogue that comes up when you add a Facebook app. Spotify gets a big shoutout here.
-1:58PM: Big change: If I allow Spotify access to my Facebook, my Facebook friends can now listen along to music with me. Similar concepts will apply to other apps with the goals of discovery and sharing. So, basically, you can all enjoy midget porn with me. Looking forward to it!
-2:03PM: You can literally listen to music through Facebook with your friends. This is possibly not good for companies like Turntable. The overall goal here seems to be just compartmentalizing everything cool that other companies have created.
-2:05PM: Zuckerberg just invited Spotify’s CEO Daniel Eck up to speak. Based on how often they’ve been fellating Spotify, if this doesn’t degenerate into the two men making sweet, sweaty nerd love, I’m going to be wildly disappointed.
-2:07PM: You can check out that pretty cool video of Facebook’s Timeline by clicking the image below:
-2:11PM: More content discovery is emphasized in a new “Video” section that will allow you to see what friends are watching and even allowing you to watch the same through partners like Netflix. Slick. Netflix’s CEO Reed Hastings is coming up to talk next.
-2:14PM: Netflix is going to try to “pioneer the growth of social TV,” according to Hastings. I look forward to paying $9.99/month to another company for the privilege of it.
-2:20PM: More frictionless experiences for gaming. I don’t play games on Facebook so I took a mental nap. Same stuff as the other sectors, though.
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