Nothing mends a broken heart more than ‘Halo’ armor
Matt Hawkins Some men, after being dumped by the woman of their dreams, go nuts and buy an expensive car to reaffirm their manhood. And some dudes pick up armor belonging to some video game character. Same thing. Okay, not really.
His name is Eric Smith, and he was recently dumped by his fiancée. The story comes from The Bygone Bureau, and much like Kotaku, I’m of the belief that the “jokey” reason given might actually be the real deal…
“I’m nailing the hell out this tool I met in karate class and while we’ve been driving in my car, you and I have been listening to the terrible mix CD he made me and now you’ll never be able to hear Alkaline Trio without wanting to fucking kill yourself.”
Yikes. Anyhow, so with an engagement ring but no bride to be attached, what did Smith do? Sell it, of course. And what did he spend it on? Replica Spartan armor, the same kind Master Chief wears in Halo, of course. It was apparently a long time coming…
“This wasn’t as sudden or spontaneous as it sounds. The Halo armor was a long time coming. For years, I’d mused over the idea, driving my closest friends mad. One day when I have the money, I’d say, thinking about that canary yellow diamond. I have to be responsible right now.”
Needless to say, his pals thought he was nuts. But Smith had his reasons…
“Master Chief is a faceless man of few words. He’s easy to identify with, his character written nice and distant. The fate of mankind rests on his shoulders and he handles it with the cool demeanor of Clint Eastwood. He destroys ships the size of moons, flies through Earth’s atmosphere, defeats enormous, monstrous creatures, all with a careless grace. Like it’s not a big deal.
Most importantly, even though Master Chief is a legendary character, anyone could be him, even someone nursing a broken heart. Whether you’re a kid swearing at people on Xbox Live or a sad, grown man, he offers up the perfect escape into something extraordinary. He saved the human race, and consequently, saved me.”
… And so on, and so on. Be sure to hit the original article to hear even more rambling pontificating and excuse making. Hey, we’ve all been there buddy, though my only beef is how the armor he got was, quite honestly, kinda ghetto looking.
Sorry, but if he really wanted to pick up some decent looking former, he should have pinged this dude.
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