VIDEO: ‘Listen to Me, Girls. I Am Your Father!’ is an actual video game

Matt Hawkins Contributing Writer, Video Games

When it comes to creepy games from Japan, this one is the new king of the hill. For this week at least.

So yeah, like I said, there’s a game coming out in the land of the rising sun called Listen to Me, Girls. I Am Your Father! For the PSP; here’s the trailer…

According to Andriasang, which has been on top of this game since it was first revealed in last October (and which I’ve had my eye on ever since, waiting for the right moment to say something), it’s based upon a young adult novel in which some young man must all of a sudden live and take care of his sister’s three daughters after his sister’s plane goes missing.

So are you really their old man? Maybe not? So that just means your niece wants to have sex with you/you want to have sex with your niece, and that’s still mighty messed up.

Then you have Conception: Please Have My Baby, which, compared to the game above, seems relatively tame: you’re a dude (naturally) who has to have knock up 12 girls in order the save the world. It’s also for the PSP and here’s the teaser…

Again, details courtesy of Andriasang once again: you and your pregnant cousin/childhood friend (are you the dad? I’m willing to bet top dollar), at high school graduation, are whisked to some fantasyland that’s in total disarray. This is by achieved by producing “Star Children” (the band Kiss then? oy vey) with twelve ladies, and these types are who accompanies you while dungeon crawling.

Apparently, you don’t have sex with the ladies to reproduce. Instead, both parties put parts of their souls in device to create the progeny. Well that’s not very exciting.

Next is something that’s not nearly as high concept, but is also exceptionally creepy on virtually ever level. It’s called Touch Shot! Love Application for the PS3…

So in this game, you have a mobile handset, the “yPhone”, which has a special app that allows you to peer into the mind of women. To be honest, the concept doesn’t sound half bad, since it’s not far removed from Hot Tub Time Machine on various levels. But that didn’t featured a bevy of underaged, Japanese school girls in 2D.

Moving forward is one of the more infamous games of its kind, which you may have heard about, called Gal Gun. It’s been described as a “first person pheromone shooter”…

And the premise goes something like this: some apprentice angle accidentally shoots you with a special arrow that makes you the most popular guy in school among the ladies. Thing is, he only has the hots for one girl, so has to fend off everyone else in his search for her. Which has to be done while the effect of the arrow is in full effect, otherwise she’s never been his gf for whatever arbitrary reason (also, everyone will go back to not giving a rat’s ass about him, like usual).

As you can see, this is achieved by shooting them with some kind of gun that overloads their senses with your pheromones, or something like that. Not sure if you could tell, but at the very end of the clip, that’s all 2D, is a special mode that obscures the game at the touch of a button. Basically, if you’re bashful about sharing your interest with your mom or girlfriend… Though let’s be honest; it’s a safe bet that your average Gal Gun player will lack the latter.

Finally, comes the upcoming sequel to a game that’s been a total phenomena in Japan. It’s extremely tame when compared with everything seen thus far. Though what made the original turn heads was how feature rich, and ultra realized the experience was. And the sequel looks to be even more so…

So yeah, never mind the wacky antics of the guys in the commercial for one second; so what made the original Love Plus so special? Well, once you began a virtual relationship, you had to do your best to keep her happy, and means juggling things in the real world. Example: if you have a date set at a specific time, like 7pm on a Tuesday, it actually applies to the real world. So you had better have that DS handy at seven that day and be able to spend actual time with her, otherwise your polygonal gf will be pissed.

It had quite the affect on dorks, including one in particular, which lead to a real deal marriage. Again, you can’t make this stuff up…

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