Fat guys in entertainment always do wayyyy better than fat guys in real life. Take for example this dude who gets to saunter down the street with a bunch of hot naked chicks.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t post this primarily due to my black-censor-bar fetish. ]]>

Fat guys in entertainment always do wayyyy better than fat guys in real life. Take for example this dude who gets to saunter down the street with a bunch of hot naked chicks.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t post this primarily due to my black-censor-bar fetish. It’s hard to recreate in life; you’d be surprised at how girls respond so poorly to my asking them to hold up a sheet of black construction paper over their genitals during sex. Me and the Japanese..way ahead of our time.

So why is it that when a fat guy gets naked it’s supposed to be funny? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I should be visibly aroused at a nude fat man despite his sweet, hairy rack (like a young Sophia Loren), but the simple act of a fat man disrobing shouldn’t be funny. Does this happen to fat guys when they get naked in regular settings? Like if you have to get your prostate checked, does the doctor immediately start guffawing before motorboating you and high-fiving his interns? Enlighten me, fat dudes.

In my ongoing quest to get the the bottom of the swine flu, I came across this…oh. That’s a human. Well then. This..human, really?…human mother is feeding her 6 month old triples McDonald’s.

She made history as the fattest ever mother of triplets, weighing in at ]]>

In my ongoing quest to get the the bottom of the swine flu, I came across this…oh. That’s a human. Well then. This..human, really?…human mother is feeding her 6 month old triples McDonald’s.

She made history as the fattest ever mother of triplets, weighing in at 40 stone.

But far from ensuring her babies don’t go the same way she did, Leanne Salt is happy to admit feeding them junk food, including fish and chips and McDonald’s meals.

Yesterday the 24-year-old – still dangerously overweight at 30 stone – told of her approach to motherhood which doctors say is certain to leave them facing health problems.

‘They were six months old when they had their first McDonald’s,’ she said. ‘They had chicken nuggets and chips and loved it.

‘They like fish and chips too, but I take the batter off the fish, so I guess that’s healthy.’

Miss Salt’s immense weight meant the safe delivery of her triplets – daughters Deanna and Daisy, and son Finlee – last August was a major challenge for medics.

It took a 68-strong team and a bill for the NHS of £200,000, including a specially-built operating table for her Caesarean section.

Just for the record, 30 stone is about 420 pounds in our American weight and 68 people on the team in England equates to about 38 people here and five midgets. You realize how much effort that is? There have been wars that have been fought with less people. All to deliver more genetically inferior savages who’ll diabetes-it-up until they end up in an early grave too. Great usage of time and money and tubs of grease and reinforced steel and tongs designed for use with cows going into early labor and tarps to keep the floors clean of her “body gravy.”

Let’s just get these kids a spot on Maury and a shirt that’s entirely too small for their first birthday. The first words of the children being “I do wha I wan” doesn’t seem too far out of reach, now does it?

[via]

When I watch TV, I often think to myself, “This show is okay, but you know what it needs? More ugly people.” Thank God for FOX and their new show “More to Love.”

Fox is teaming with “The Bachelor” producer Mike Fleiss for a new dating-competition ]]>

When I watch TV, I often think to myself, “This show is okay, but you know what it needs? More ugly people.” Thank God for FOX and their new show “More to Love.”

Fox is teaming with “The Bachelor” producer Mike Fleiss for a new dating-competition series that casts “average-looking” people.

The series, titled “More to Love,” is billed as the first “dating show for the rest of us,” throwing open its doors to overweight contestants.

“For six years it’s been skinny-minis and good-looking bachelors, and that’s not what the dating world looks like,” Fox president of alternative Mike Darnell said. “Why don’t real women — the women who watch these shows, for the most part — have a chance to find love too?”

“Most of the country isn’t a Size 2,” Fleiss said. “It’s the dating show for the rest of us.”

So here’s the problem. I see fat people EVERYFINGWHERE I GO. They’re taking up multiple seats on the train, meandering down the middle of a block making it impossible for me to get around, eating disgusting foods at fast food places across the country, taking their equally fat kids to buy video games so that they can make them grow up to be as fat as the rest of their family, and overall making the world a place with more gravitational pull. So WHY ON EARTH do we need another show to make fat people not only feel good about themselves, but encourage them to procreate with a similarly gelatinous person to make even more people with inferior genes? It’s socially irresponsible.

So to you FOX, I say you should get FCC sanctions. This is counter to everything TV (and especially reality TV) was founded on: Putting beautiful people into absurd situations. It’s not right, FOX. I expect better from the station that gave me Temptation Island. In fact, there’s a solution…FOX could put this show on the same set as that show and call it Fat Cunts Who Probably Have Diabetes and Vaginas That Smell Like Rotted Twinkies Island. While not as catchy, it definitely does a good job of conveying the subject matter and amount of creme filling.

[source]

I’m all for honesty in advertising if you’re going to wear a t-shirt with words on it but this may be a bit too transparent.

Now I’m not a fat guy so I can’t say I relate completely to the Fat Man’s Plight, but here’s a ]]>

I’m all for honesty in advertising if you’re going to wear a t-shirt with words on it but this may be a bit too transparent.

Now I’m not a fat guy so I can’t say I relate completely to the Fat Man’s Plight, but here’s a pro-tip: Instead of wearing shirts that advertise how no one could possibly want you without drinking a vat of turpentine (whether ironic or not), maybe dress in a way that makes you look put together instead of the Battletoads-playing, cheese arm-pitted slob that you are. Or you could join a gym and stop eating fried ass.

Though I guess just date-raping drunk girls is a viable alternative. At least it shows some sense of being a go-getter. Jerking off into a Jar Jar Binks thermos while watching Olivia Munn on G4…not so much.

World’s fattest man Manuel Uribe got married (pic here if you’re curious, she’s far from hot though) a couple weeks back. However, due to his girth, they couldn’t do the nasty nuptials dance with their genitals. But they did now thanks to the magic of engineering!

Due ]]>

World’s fattest man Manuel Uribe got married (pic here if you’re curious, she’s far from hot though) a couple weeks back. However, due to his girth, they couldn’t do the nasty nuptials dance with their genitals. But they did now thanks to the magic of engineering!

Due to his enormous weight, Manuel was not able to consummate his wedding. Then his friends came up with an idea to build him a sex ramp with resistant concrete. The ramp allowed the man to raise the lower half of his body and his wife received a better access to Uribe’s private parts.

[via]

We’re all human beings, we all want to be loved by someone. Ideally, that special someone. So let’s take a break from the laughs here to really sit back and enjoy a man and a woman showing what love really is.

Oh young love…isn’t it beautiful?

A new study has shaken the foundations of science and sexuality, primarily due to the shift of fat women rushing to hand in their surveys. A new study shows that fat chicks are more likely to be getting laid than thin ones.

Overweight women are more ]]>

A new study has shaken the foundations of science and sexuality, primarily due to the shift of fat women rushing to hand in their surveys. A new study shows that fat chicks are more likely to be getting laid than thin ones.

Overweight women are more likely to report having sex with men than women considered to be of “normal weight,” U.S. researchers said.

The study is based on data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, which looked at sexual behavior of more than 7,000 U.S. women.

“These results were unexpected and we don’t really know why this is the case,” Kaneshiro said in a statement.

Ninety-two percent of overweight women reported having a history of sexual intercourse with a man, as opposed to 87 percent of women with a normal body mass index.

In fairness, BMI is kind of a dumb way of measuring if someone’s fat or not. If a girl has great big sexy boobs, she’ll probably be over her recommended BMI too. And, as we all know, every attractive woman with big breasts is a complete whore. I can’t accept that porn’s lied to me over the years, it would destroy my whole world view.

But yeah, let’s assume that this really is about real fat women. Like fat women whom you could see and go, “Wait, that thing is a person? I just assumed you were a pile of mashed potatoes that gained autonomy and a willingness to move.” If that’s the case, and I pray to all the gods that it isn’t, then I am ashamed for all of you. Yes, we’ve all wanted to f the Michelin Man at some point in our lives. Doesn’t make it right.

[source via]