I imagine this isn't Bob Parsons holding a copy of the 'Problem Elephant Times'

He went on to say:

“All these people that are complaining that this shouldn’t happen, that these people who are starving to death otherwise shouldn’t eat these elephants, you probably see them driving through at McDonald’s or cutting a steak. These people [Zimbabwe villagers] don’t have that option.”

Gawker says Parsons is a known attention whore, even refusing to bring GoDaddy to an IPO in 2006 because IPOs require a “quiet period” in which Parsons would have been unable to make any media appearances or, presumably, videos of himself having a driveby at Babar’s house.

In a follow-up blog post, Parsons defended himself again, claiming that these are “problem” elephants and that the carcasses go to feed the villagers (also captured in the video linked above).

Logistically, I understand the hunter mindset of killing to regulate animal populations (even though that strays a bit too close to “playing God” for my tastes). And it’s certainly not a bad thing for hungry African villagers to be able to eat. But the reason for all the hatred is simple to me beyond just the disgust of someone shooting elephants: It’s an obscenely rich man pretending to be helping society when, in reality, he just wants to blast Dumbo in the face with a shotgun.

So if you’re wealthy enough to do that and it brings you joy, then just say that. Tell us all, “I literally cannot get it up unless the blood of an innocent beast has been spilled. I like to shove elephant tusks in my anus to massage my prostate. It’s who I am. I’m rich. Deal with it.” At least then we can stop pretending this is an ethical/liberal quandary instead of just another rich dude doing things just because he can.

One of the most powerful figures in the Anglican Church believes that Africa is under attack from Islam and that Muslims are “mass-producing” children to take over communities on the continent.

Archbishop Nicholas Okoh, 56, was elected Primate of Nigeria last week and his elevation could exacerbate tensions at a time when Anglicans are working to build bridges with Muslims. Dr Michael Nazir-Ali resigned as Bishop of Rochester earlier this year to work in countries where Islam is the majority religion.

“They come to Africans and say, ‘Christianity is asking you to marry only one wife. We will give you four!’ ” Archbishop Okoh described this as “evangelism by mass-production”.

He said: “That is the type of evangelism they are doing: mass-production, so if you have four wives, four children, sixteen children, very soon you will be a village.”

[Timesonline]

On July 2, 2009, Don Cheadle is once again hosting the third annual Ante Up for Africa, No Limit Texas Hold-Em Tournament in association with the World Series of Poker. Proceeds from the event will go to charities that provide aid and assistance to the survivors of the crisis in Darfur, Sudan and support activism dedicated to resolving this crisis. Previous Ante Up tournaments have raised more than $2 million for the cause.

Matt Damon, Jason Alexander, Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith, Montel
Williams, Herschel Walker, Hank Azaria, Brad Garrett, Marlon Wayans, Sarah Silverman and Casey Affleck are all playing this year, with many more celebs expressing their interest to play.

That’s a pretty big turnout of prominent celebrities. I’m always amazed when people who have so much are passionate about helping people who are totally different than themselves. Like that time I slept with a Australian chick. We couldn’t have had less in common — she had seen koalas and kangaroos in person, I didn’t pass out in my hotel room — yet I was generous enough to give her access to my loins and towel her off afterwards before throwing her back in the hallway. Truly a beautiful story of caring for others.

You can get updates on the Ante Up for Africa event at Pokerlistings.com.

A Kenyan man bit a python which wrapped him in its coils and dragged him up a tree during a fierce three-hour struggle, police have told the BBC.

The serpent seized farm worker Ben Nyaumbe in the Malindi area of Kenya’s Indian Ocean coast at the weekend.

Mr Nyaumbe bit the snake on the tip of the tail during the exhausting battle in the village of Sabaki.

Police rescued Mr Nyaumbe and captured the 13ft (4m) reptile, before taking it to a sanctuary, but it later escaped.

The victim told police he managed to reach his mobile phone from his pocket to raise the alarm when the python momentarily eased its grip after hauling him up a tree on Saturday evening.

Mr Nyaumbe used his shirt to smother the snake’s head and prevent it from swallowing him.

I get that this guy was fighting for his life and I get that I have the attention span of a coked up ferret, but there’s no way I could even do this. I don’t even think I could have sex with a supermodel for three hours, let alone survive against some 10 foot long beast with just smoke and mirrors.

Snakes are kind of assholes though. Do they really do anything good for us, like some ecological benefit or something? All I ever hear about with snakes is how they’re strangling someone or swallowing something whole or tricking some poor retarded woman who was born from a rib into eating an apple. Snakes don’t even hawk cool products like cigarettes or condoms or preschool learning toys. So basically, the next time you see a snake, slap it in the face and tell him his bullcrap won’t stand any more. He’ll probably be like, “What the f dude? That hurt.” Or bite you and inject venom into you. Either way…point made.

[source]

“In a move meant to ensure that the public has access to their money from banks, the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe has introduced a new family of banknotes which will gradually come into circulation, starting with the Z$10 trillion,” Zimbabwe’s state-run Herald newspaper quotes a bank statement as saying.

[via]

From the Flickr page:

The attached picture was taken at Country Club bar on Saturday 24th November 2007.
The patron had been to his bank and was supplied with the only notes they had – $500 ‘s !!
A beer at Country Club is now Z$1 Million so there are 4 piles of 250,000 in 500′s.
Just to remind those of you who are no longer here, we lost 3 zero’s in August 2006. So the beer actually costs Z$1 Billion of the money you knew.

That’s pretty horrific. At the same time though, it would be pretty awesome to go to a McDonald’s and be able to pay with stacks of money in a briefcase as though you were making a drug buy in a movie. Which I don’t do nearly enough in real life.

This really just serves to back my idea for a currency. Now, some people in my economics class said I’m crazy. But I think the way our financial system is currently set up is illogical, as proven during the .com craze in which companies with no tangible value were said to be worth billions. We need something substantive, something really. That’s why I believe that handjobs should be our primary currency. With handjobs, everyone across the globe would be equal. Sure, some would be better than others, but that’s what capitalism is all about. So you’ve got your handjobs for small purchases, blowjobs for big ones, and various forms of penetration for huge ones. You haven’t lived until you’ve bought a house for rough anal sex, believe me. Anyway, that’s what I am…an idea man.

[source]

I know right, stunner..Kim Kardashian, black dudes, no way! But while it certainly makes sense that she wants to keep a growing pool of well-endowed, athletic black men feeling good about themselves, she probably could have gone about it in better ways. What could empower a group of black men more than going to this benefit in a pair of assless chaps or daisy dukes? She could have given the keynote speech and just started shaking her ass while people sprayed her with baby oil.

Just remember kids, when you’re trying to empower Africa, always use a condom. Same with Haiti. And Magic Johnson. And when you want to empower heroin addicts with a penchant for dirty needles. Silly heroin addicts, haven’t you heard of bleach cleaner?

Uganda’s police warned male bar-goers to keep their noses clean after a probe found a gang of robbers had been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious.

“They apply this chemical to their chest. We have found victims in an unconscious state,” Criminal Investigations Directorate (CID) spokesman Fred Enanga told AFP.

“You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him,” he said. “And the victim doesn’t remember anything. He just remembers being in the act of romancing.”

Enanga, who explained that several types of heavy sedatives had been used, said he first came across the practice last year when an apprehended thief named Juliana Mukasa made a clean breast of the matter.

“She is a very dangerous lady,” the official said.

While it’s certainly true that Mufasa is dangerous (especially considering how she went from a noble cartoon lion to a life of breast-related crime), just about any woman is dangerous with or without chloroform. If she weren’t so lazy, she’d have just jerked him off or something to get rid of his load then, as he laid there paralyzed, just robbed him blind. Ooh or jerked him off with chloroform, that’d work too! Or maybe she could have put wax in her mouth and then sucked him off with a chloroform mint in her mouth. Really this just confirms what I already knew: I’d be the best sexy female criminal in the history of the world.

[See more of the breasts pictured above, belonging to Danielle Lloyd, here. Story source here]

Seriously if you expect me to search out pics of African prostitutes, you’re sadly mistaken

Researchers in Canada report discovery of unusual proteins in a small group of Kenyan sex workers that appear to be associated with resistance to infection with HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

The discovery could lead to the improved design of vaccines and drugs to fight the deadly virus, which infects an estimated 40 million people worldwide, the scientists say in a new report.

In the new study, Adam Burgener and colleagues note that 140 of more than 2000 sex workers studied in Nairobi, Kenya, appear resistant to HIV infection. Although evidence suggests that certain biological factors in their vaginal fluid may play a role in resistance, the exact identity of these substances was unclear.

The scientists used a high-tech analytical method to compare differences among proteins in vaginal fluids from HIV-resistant women and those infected with the virus or susceptible to it. HIV-resistant women had proteins significantly different from other women. Vaginal fluids of the HIV-resistant women had higher levels of proteins with anti-viral and anti-inflammatory actions.

Sure, this research is valuable, but I bet the taste test portion of things was probably less than desirable.

I do wonder how the scientists found out about this though. Did someone take a special “research” trip to Kenya? Did a scientist get caught by his wife looking up black hookers and then have to cover it up with this elaborate story about researching HIV-resistant African hookers? Inquiring minds need to know!