Wacky flight attendants are becoming a commonly accepted occurrence. But the trend may get no better than adorable Asian women dancing as seen in this clip from a flight on the Philippines’ Cebu Airlines.

The whole dancing thing is cute and all, but would it have killed ]]>

Wacky flight attendants are becoming a commonly accepted occurrence. But the trend may get no better than adorable Asian women dancing as seen in this clip from a flight on the Philippines’ Cebu Airlines.

The whole dancing thing is cute and all, but would it have killed them to replace Lady Gaga with the much more appropriate “Safety Dance”? It’d practically be a charity donation; Men Without Hats could really use the residuals.

Philippine’s Cebu Pacific Flight Attendants Dance the Safety Notification [Bob's Blitz]

A plane crash is a lot of people’s biggest fear. While movies and TV have recreated the experience many times, it’s hard to say how true to life those forms of media actually are at capturing the horror of possible impending doom. So here’s footage of Delta flight 4951 making ]]>

A plane crash is a lot of people’s biggest fear. While movies and TV have recreated the experience many times, it’s hard to say how true to life those forms of media actually are at capturing the horror of possible impending doom. So here’s footage of Delta flight 4951 making an emergency landing at JFK.

You can’t see a whole lot, but I imagine you couldn’t really see a whole lot in the actual situation anyway. If you want to make a more realistic reenactment, feel free to melt some chocolate and throw it into your pants, too.

I’m glad those people survived. My question is: How many days do you totally turn your life around and cherish every moment before going back to the same old BS and fapping the days away? I’d imagine it’d be a great for like three days, just me doing lots of amazing stuff to celebrate the fact that, yes, I’m alive and can do wonderful things. But after that, someone would step on my sneaker or walk too slowly in front of me and I’d just go, “UGH. LIFE” and just go back to eating ice cream and playing Madden. Point being: Enjoy your three days of appreciating life, folks.

It’s a big week for flight attendants between Steven Slater’s dramatic quitting of his job and now this video of a Lufthansa flight attendant giving pillows away for a pillow fight, this is the best PR they’ve gotten since “Airplane.”

I have a hard time buying this ]]>

It’s a big week for flight attendants between Steven Slater’s dramatic quitting of his job and now this video of a Lufthansa flight attendant giving pillows away for a pillow fight, this is the best PR they’ve gotten since “Airplane.”

I have a hard time buying this is real. It seems a little unrealistic to have this degree of whimsy for an industry that won’t even allow you to bring four ounces of Keri lotion on a flight. Plus a pillow fight that doesn’t end in two girls in pigtails kissing? That flies in the face of everything the Spice Channel has taught me. For shame, Lufthansa.

Who hasn’t had a day where your job sucks so bad that you just want to run away? Unfortunately for all of us, we don’t have awesome inflatable slides to escape from like Steven Slater, a JetBlue flight attendant who broke down during a flight, cursed out everyone, and escaped ]]>

Who hasn’t had a day where your job sucks so bad that you just want to run away? Unfortunately for all of us, we don’t have awesome inflatable slides to escape from like Steven Slater, a JetBlue flight attendant who broke down during a flight, cursed out everyone, and escaped via the aforementioned slide.

According to reports, Slater was returning to New York’s LaGuardia airport on a flight from Pittsburgh when he took to the airplane intercom and berated passengers and quit his position.

Slater allegedly got into an altercation with a passenger who was trying to grab his bag from the overhead compartment before the plane had come to a stop.

The Daily News reports that an angry Slater then said on intercom, “To the passenger who called me a m-therf–er, f-ck you. I’ve been in the business 28 years. I’ve had it.”

Slater then activated the emergency exit and slid down to the tarmac. Moments later, he had to come back to grab his bag and then angrily took the AirTrain to his car.

Police later arrested Slater at his home in a nearby area of Queens with charges still pending.

Being a flight attendant is one of the most thankless jobs around, especially now that attractive women are no longer serving drinks and being sexually harassed transcontinentally, so I don’t think you can blame Slater for the histrionics during his exit. At the same time, it’s pretty difficult to make a dramatic, angry exit when you’re sliding down an inflatable slide. Any time you’re leaving the scene of a tense situation via a mode of transportation that small children typically yell “Weeeeeee!” on, you’re sure to lessen the impact of your diatribe. There’s a reason why “Wall Street” didn’t have its climatic scene on the teacups ride at Disneyland.

UPDATE: Daily Intel is reporting that Slater also took two beers from the galley on his way out. Steven Slater: American hero.

Fed-up JetBlue flight attendant drops intercom F-bomb, screams, ‘I’ve had it,’ bolts plane [NYDN]
Flight Attendant Uses Emergency Slide to Escape Dispute [CityRoom]

Southwest Airlines caught a whole lot of flack for their treatment of director/humorist/husky gentleman Kevin Smith last year after they kicked him off a flight, allegedly due to him being overweight. But now they’ve gone the other way as a 5’4, 110 pound woman was kicked off a flight in ]]>

Southwest Airlines caught a whole lot of flack for their treatment of director/humorist/husky gentleman Kevin Smith last year after they kicked him off a flight, allegedly due to him being overweight. But now they’ve gone the other way as a 5’4, 110 pound woman was kicked off a flight in favor of a fat teenager who needed two seats.

According to the Sacramento Bee:

The local woman was flying standby, paid full fare for the last available seat, got on board, stowed her bags and sat down – only to be told she would have to deplane immediately.

The reason?

A late-arriving passenger required two seats because of her girth.

The Sacramento woman, a frequent-flying sales rep, was stunned.

“It didn’t seem right that I should have to leave to accommodate someone who had only paid for one seat,” she tells us.

A Southwest spokesperson said that the airline personnel may have acted inconsiderately to the woman due to the sensitivity of the person requiring two seats being a 14-year-old girl.

Personally, I think they should just slather the grossly obese people in butter and slide them into one seat. They won’t complain…fat people love butter. Plus you could then have a game in which people have to capture them as midflight entertainment, allowing you to save on in-flight movie rights. What can I say? I’m an idea man.

Petite passenger booted from Southwest flight [Sacramento Bee]

I get that our safety is paramount for all employees of the aviation industry, but the story of Joe Sugarman, a man who was kicked out of his United Airlines plane for asking “Are you serving any meals during our flight?” is beyond absurd. Sugarman

I get that our safety is paramount for all employees of the aviation industry, but the story of Joe Sugarman, a man who was kicked out of his United Airlines plane for asking “Are you serving any meals during our flight?” is beyond absurd.

Sugarman says on his site:

I get to the airport, boarded my plane and I’m sitting in first class. The flight attendant was right in front of me and was curious if they were going to serve meals onboard. So I asked her, “Are you serving any meals during our flight?”

She looked at me kinda funny and said, “I can’t answer that for security reasons.”

A little puzzled, I wondered how it affected security but I let it pass as she went into the cockpit. About three minutes later, two armed Austin police officers boarded the plane, looked at me and said, “Sugarman, follow us.”

Seems odd, right? Sugarman was informed afterwards that the reason he was deboarded as because the flight attendant thought he said “Are there any police on this flight?” How she extrapolated “any police” from “serving any meals” is beyond me. But hey, lesson learned. Next time I’m on a flight, I’ll be sure not to ask “May I have a pillow?” lest the flight attendant think I said “I’m going to steal your hat and use it to beat the pilot to death. Oh also, take a dump on him.” Hearing words is not an easy task.

What is America coming to???? [Joe Sugarman]
United Removes Passenger From Flight After He Asks Whether A Meal Will Be Served [Consumerist]

This is arguably one of the more disgusting videos we’ve ever posted here, so bear with me. It involves a girl vomiting on a small plane. It’s also hilarious and only 17 seconds. So suck it up and watch.

That is literally the worst thing I could imagine happening ]]>

This is arguably one of the more disgusting videos we’ve ever posted here, so bear with me. It involves a girl vomiting on a small plane. It’s also hilarious and only 17 seconds. So suck it up and watch.

That is literally the worst thing I could imagine happening while vomiting on an airplane. We’ve all thrown up, but could you imagine how disgusting it’d be if you vomited into a toilet and the toilet just spat it right back at you? I would just be like, “Hey, toilet. Save that for Japan.” I find that if you treat a toilet like it has feelings it respects you much more. The same principles apply for women. I think you’ve learned a lot here, today.

Suicide, particularly when you’re a pilot responsible for the life of hundreds of people on your plane, is not a funny thing. But the way one man said he’d try to kill himself due his breakup “in spectacular fashion” struck a funny chord with me. So here we are with ]]>

Suicide, particularly when you’re a pilot responsible for the life of hundreds of people on your plane, is not a funny thing. But the way one man said he’d try to kill himself due his breakup “in spectacular fashion” struck a funny chord with me. So here we are with this, your Quote of the Day.

A JetBlue pilot was pulled from a flight at Logan Airport Thursday just an hour before takeoff after he allegedly threatened to kill himself “in spectacular fashion,” authorities said Friday.

But Logan Airport’s Federal Security Director George Naccara said a report that the unidentified pilot threatened to crash the plane is “misleading.”

A source told WBZ Radio the pilot was taken into custody for allegedly sending an email to his girlfriend in which he said if they did not reconcile their relationship, he was going to crash the plane.

“He never threatened crashing the aircraft. It was a situation in which he was threatening to take his own life and, in fact, his words were he may do it in ‘some spectacular fashion’ but not anything to do with the aircraft and no reference to crashing the aircraft or harming anyone else other than himself,” Naccara told
WBZ Radio.

Pilot Threatens Suicide In ‘Spectacular Fashion’ [WBZ-TV]

Just in case your rage finally subsided over the majority of airlines charging you for bringing luggage, here’s a new bit of fun: Starting May 1, all American Airlines flights will be charging $8 if you’d like a blanket and pillow. Way to go, airline industry!

Chilly on the ]]>

Just in case your rage finally subsided over the majority of airlines charging you for bringing luggage, here’s a new bit of fun: Starting May 1, all American Airlines flights will be charging $8 if you’d like a blanket and pillow. Way to go, airline industry!

Chilly on the plane? Bring a sweater, or $8 for a blanket-and-pillow pack, if you’re on a domestic American Airlines flight.

On May 1, the carrier will begin charging for a pillow and blanket set on all domestic flights, as well as those to or from Canada, Mexico, Hawaii, the Caribbean and Central America, according to American Airlines spokesman Tim Smith.

The $8 charge buys a blue fleece blanket and an inflatable neck pillow that fliers can use in flight and keep for future use.

“American evaluates all aspects of the business to ensure that economic decisions are prudent and strategic for the long-term success of the company,” Smith said in an e-mail announcing the decision.

Will there be an increase in quality of the products? Probably not, unless not getting some previous flyer’s skin flakes and body fluid is worth eight bucks to you.

So, first, meals were taken away (boo). Then they started charging some overweight people for two seats (meh). Then they started charging for luggage (double boo). Then some airlines added Internet (yay) though most airliners are charging reasonable to obscene amounts for it (boo). You may think, “Well, I never liked the pillow or blanket anyway so, whatever, there’s nothing left to charge me for.” And you would be correct. Up until Continental decides that you should pay for the privilege of having seats. Really, we’re just getting closer and closer to having our air travel conducted roughly like a slave ship for the same prices. Personally, I’d pay the extra $20 to not be tight packed.

American Airlines to stop offering free blankets on domestic flights [CNN]

Flying is a tense experience for everyone so you can’t necessarily hold a grudge against the idiots on a plane and their stupid rituals to calm themselves down or celebrate landing without being turned into ash. But some people transcend any notions you have of being ridiculous. Like this weird, ]]>

Flying is a tense experience for everyone so you can’t necessarily hold a grudge against the idiots on a plane and their stupid rituals to calm themselves down or celebrate landing without being turned into ash. But some people transcend any notions you have of being ridiculous. Like this weird, white trash looking older lady.

I’m not going to pretend I have a whole lot of real life experience with this sector of society, but in videos, why is it that stupid old Southern white women, particularly when they seem to be drunk, have the mannerisms (and sex appeal) of Yosemite Sam? At least he had that dreamy mustache. Now there’s something you can grab onto like the handlebars on a bike.

[Holy Taco]

In light of the recent terror underwear bomb attack attempt by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the TSA divisions at every airport are expected to crack down in an effort to ensure that nothing like that happens again. And they’ve already proven to be hard at work. For proof, ]]>

In light of the recent terror underwear bomb attack attempt by Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the TSA divisions at every airport are expected to crack down in an effort to ensure that nothing like that happens again. And they’ve already proven to be hard at work. For proof, look no further than New Orleans International Airport where they’re fighting terror..by confiscating a small child’s Play Doh.

On a post-Christmas flight out of New Orleans last week, the TSA confiscated young Josh Pitney’s Play-Doh.

“You know all you have to worry about is it getting in the carpet – a small problem to have as opposed to a child who is entertained for half an hour,” said the child’s mother Christy Pitney.

“I had the kids and my husband was there with all our bags, she continued. “Josh and I were sitting, getting our shoes on and, my husband kind of motioned to us and said – they took our Play -Doh.”

Pitney continued, “And the man from TSA was taking every can out at a time and putting it on a table, and Josh saw and he started fussing. I tried to explain that those were the rules, but it turns out it’s not prohibited on the TSA’s website – so apparently those are not the rules.”

Christy was right. Play-Doh is not a prohibited item and it is allowed on board.

In the TSA’s defense, when reached for comment, a spokeswoman said that TSA employees are encouraged to use their discretion. I mean, other than when a guy with an explosive crotch is waddling through terminals like he’s wearing a diaper after being on several different government watch lists. Then, hey, let’s not get too crazy. A man’s got to fly.

It’s probably a case of “better safe than sorry” though. Have you ever been around a small child? They could find a way to injure themselves in a box full of pillows. This kid might have been trying to make delicious Play Doh McDonald’s hamburgers and ended up accidentally MacGyvering his way to a plastic can of C-4. A child with any object is at least as dangerous as a 2nd tier James Bond villain.

[My Fox DC]

In spite of their cool demeanors, pilots are people with feelings too. And as people with feelings, sometimes they drop propaganda from an airplane to insinuate that their ex-girlfriend is a racial epithet whore. So relatable!

A California man was arrested on suspicion of stalking after ]]>

In spite of their cool demeanors, pilots are people with feelings too. And as people with feelings, sometimes they drop propaganda from an airplane to insinuate that their ex-girlfriend is a racial epithet whore. So relatable!

A California man was arrested on suspicion of stalking after he allegedly used his airplane to violate a restraining order by buzzing a neighborhood, police said Thursday.

In recent weeks, Concord, California, police were investigating an incident in which leaflets were dropped over a residential neighborhood, possibly by a low-flying airplane, police said in a statement.

“The leaflets referenced a specific person and contained defamatory language and racial slurs. As the investigation has progressed, it appears that the motivation behind this situation is a failed domestic relationship,” the statement read.

The investigation led to the identification of a possible suspect, a 51-year-old licensed pilot. Concord police served the man with a restraining order on Wednesday, the statement said.

Sounds more like antiganda to me! *looks around for approval* Oh. Oh that wasn’t good. Right.

Women really get men to do crazy things, but I really have to wonder how good a woman is in her, um, relationship duties that a man would release leaflets from a plane after he couldn’t have her. I’ve been with some talented ladies in my time, but at most I’ve considered sending the girl’s family a birthday cake with the text “Congratulations! …on raising such a fine whore of a daughter!”

…it was a big cake.

[CNN]

Ever since 9/11, TSA restrictions have been pretty stern; pretty much any indiscretion can get you tossed off a flight. Apparently Darius Chappille read a different version of the rules, because he thought getting naked and punching a female passenger in the face was a good idea.

Ever since 9/11, TSA restrictions have been pretty stern; pretty much any indiscretion can get you tossed off a flight. Apparently Darius Chappille read a different version of the rules, because he thought getting naked and punching a female passenger in the face was a good idea.

Authorities say a St. Louis-bound Southwest Airlines flight was forced to return to Oakland International Airport after a male passenger stripped, hit another passenger and fought with crew members.

Alameda County sheriff’s deputies say flight 947 returned Thursday morning after 21-year-old Darius Chappille of Oakland allegedly exposed himself to the female passenger sitting next to him and punched her in the face.

Lt. Howard Jacobs says flight attendants and other passengers then subdued Chappille, as he disrobed. He was apparently completely naked when sheriff’s deputies arrested him.

Chappille and the woman were taken to the hospital for minor injuries.

Not to state the obvious, but this guy is a real maniac. Not just because he stripped down and punched a woman in the face on an airplane, but because of one key thing missing from the story…nowhere in there does it mention the words “drunk,” “intoxicated,” or even “sleepy.” Because at least then you could blame something else. But when you’re doing all these things in your normal state of mind, you really don’t have an excuse. There is never really a time in which “pull out my wang and punch a lady” will seem like a good idea to a normal person. I mean, unless you’re wearing a Mexican wrestling mask. I, Chris, may not think it’s a good idea, but “El Wangador” Señor Punchero de Las Chicas has a reputation to uphold.

[via]

Some guy got his $3500 guitar broken by the chimps at United Airlines who handle the baggage and he responded in a clever way…WITH THE POWER OF SONG.

Good for Dave Carroll, the guy in the video. At the same time, I can’t fault United for smashing the guitar. ]]>

Some guy got his $3500 guitar broken by the chimps at United Airlines who handle the baggage and he responded in a clever way…WITH THE POWER OF SONG.

Good for Dave Carroll, the guy in the video. At the same time, I can’t fault United for smashing the guitar. Did we really need another country music act complaining about the travails of life? I’m thinking not.

A similar thing happened to me on Continental, but the polka song “Continental Gives Me Bad Vibrations” about a destroyed Fleshlight didn’t quite resonate with the audience. But I’ll never forget that day. Or how mediocre it was f’ing an accordion in its stead.

[more on the story, including United's response, here]

Flight attendants look like lemurs or grandmas now, so it’s encouraging to find one that apparently is attractive enough to warrant pornographic film of her. But even more surprising is that the company who employs her is like, “Hey sure, why not.”

You can fly her ]]>

Flight attendants look like lemurs or grandmas now, so it’s encouraging to find one that apparently is attractive enough to warrant pornographic film of her. But even more surprising is that the company who employs her is like, “Hey sure, why not.”

You can fly her “friendly skies” for the right price. “Friendly skies” being a euphemism for “disease ridden womb,” naturally.

A BUDGET airline stewardess will keep her job despite being exposed as a part-time porn star.

Ryanair hostess Edita Schindlerova, 22, secretly appears on X-rated websites posing as Edita Bente, reports The Sun.

But airline bosses have supported Miss Schindlerova, despite appearing in graphic photos showing her having sex with a mystery man.

“What people do before or after they work for us is their business,” a Ryanair spokesman told The Sun.

That is so true, who cares what you do after hours? Like when I’m all coked up and drunk and call my bosses after hours from a fake phone number while pretending to have kidnapped their kids and and sold them into the sex trade it’s like, so what, does it really affect my ability to do work? And the answer is “yes” but with an addendum of “But f you.” So that’s pretty much like a no.

[source]

]]> http://guyism.com/uncategorized/flight-attendant-does-porn-employer-says-cool.html/feed 7 Flight attendant does porn, employer says, "Cool" photo