By their very nature, television characters are a little more extreme in their behavior than people in real life. I mean, they kind of have to be if people are going to watch their shows. Still, some of our favorite characters from the small screen take this behavior a little too far over the line every once in a while. Sure, they get away with it in TV land but in the real world, these eight beloved characters would likely end up in jail or at the very least be greeted with the ol’ side eye by anyone with a lick of sense. So let’s take a look at some of these creepy characters and see if we can’t make TV land just a little safer in the process. We do this because we care, and also because we’re completely ridiculous. You’re welcome, America. You’re welcome.

8 Zack Morris – Saved by the Bell
What’s so creepy about Zack Morris? After all, he’s popular, good looking, charismatic and he once dated a homeless chick. Well, I’ll tell you: Zack Morris is damn near a sociopath, his generation’s Patrick Bateman. Incredibly glib, Zack plows through cheerleaders, his boss’s daughter, his best friend’s sister, the new girl in school, a chick in a wheelchair, the aforementioned homeless girl, and scores more, all with a plastic smile on his face and a quip at the ready whenever anyone calls him on his bullshit. He keeps an incredibly creepy nerd around named Screech who he shamelessly uses to further his schemes like some modern day Igor and then whenever anything blows up in his face, he actually stops time, further illustrating that the people in his life are basically inanimate chess pieces for him to maneuver around whenever he wants. He’s a near genius but a shitty student, devotes most of his time to ruining the life of his principal, and what’s worse, he now stars in Franklin & Bash. Obviously, this is a man who has no sense of decency or no regard for his fellow man.

7 Howard Wolowitz – The Big Bang Theory
Howard Wolowitz may be the horniest man who ever lived. And he’s not shy about it either. Sure, sure, it’s all fun and games when you’ve got a laugh track backing you up, but in real life, he would be dealing with a dozen restraining orders and he’d probably be forced to introduce himself to all of his neighbors as a registered sex offender. The dude has a weird, old married couple-ish relationship with his shrieking harridan of a mother, and it’s probably only a matter of time before Sheldon, Leonard and the gang show up at his place only to find him wearing the old lady’s clothes while her body decomposes in the cellar. I’m already dreading the inevitable CSI/The Big Bang Theory crossover episode when Howard finally snaps. My god, there will be semen and tears everywhere. Oh, and laughter too, if only because the laugh track is a monster with no sense of right or wrong.

6 Alf – Alf
Look man, Alf might seem like just a loveable old puppet, but let’s not forget, this degenerate is a maniac who likes nothing more than eating the family cat and making life a living hell for the poor, suffering family that made the mistake of giving him a home. The biggest mistake that family ever made was assuming that Alf could even understand their basic human morality. Alf is an alien. He doesn’t respond to the same things that the human heart responds to. It’s only a matter of time before Willie comes home to find his kids dissected, Alf covered in their blood, and the living room littered with the corpses of neighborhood cats. You go ahead and tell me that I’m overreacting but I’ve seen Independence Day. I’ve watched Alien. These sons of bitches aren’t messing around.

5 Charles – Charles in Charge
On the surface, Charles is just a good-natured, hard-working young college student. But don’t you think there is something weird about a dude who takes a job as a nanny and then spends all of his time completely assimilating into the world of the family that pays him to take care of their kids? I mean, doing a good job is one thing, but Charles –- along with his horny scuzzbucket of a best friend, Buddy Lembeck –- makes himself so ubiquitous in that house that even after the family moves away, no doubt from crippling fear, he stays behind and just attaches himself to the new family that moves in, like some sort of terrible leech. At best, Charles is a dude who doesn’t quite understand the concept of boundaries. At worst, he is a complete psychopath who won’t rest until he is in control of every aspect of that family’s life. Who even knows what atrocities Buddy Lembeck has committed? I fear it’s only a matter of time before all the women in that household are pregnant, the house itself is fortified and Buddy declares Charles the second coming of Christ. The reason Charles’ last name is never given on the show is no doubt because it is something like Manson or Koresh. Nobody needs another Waco.

4 Fez – That 70’s Show
How is this dude not in federal prison for various sex crimes? How has he not been deported? Somehow, all of his friends tolerate him even though he damn near has to be forcibly restrained from attacking the girls in the group. He hides in their closets, in trees, under the bed, anywhere he can just so he can ogle them. Once again, the evil laugh track saves him from being exposed as the utter pervert and scandalous degenerate that he is, but even the laugh track has its limits. I mean, there are several episodes when the other characters come right out and say he’s a pervert. He’s tried to bone every lady who’s ever crossed his path, he once molested Eric’s mother at the supermarket, he secretly married the Foreman’s slutty daughter and still they actually let this cretin sleep under their roof for a while! He is a hopeless porn addict with no clue how to talk to real women and still, somehow, he ends up getting Mila Kunis to fall in love with him. I… I give up.

3 Mr. Rogers – Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood
Before you freak out on me, just hear me out, okay? The dude lives alone with a house full of puppets, always has that dazed smile on his face that makes him look like he’s been huffing paint thinner or doing whippets with the mailman, he dresses fastidiously, in that way that only anally retentive serial killer types do, his voice sounds like that old pervert’s on Family Guy, and he devotes his entire life to behaving like an elderly child. Do I really have to say anything else? Who even knows what kind of horrors those poor puppets have been exposed to over the years? Here are some lyrics from his theme song: “So let’s make the most of this beautiful day, since we’re together, we might as well say, would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won’t you be my… neighbor.” Just picture him quietly whispering those words with his pants off. Case closed. Also, I understand if you need to go shower in acid now and maybe talk to a therapist. I’ll wait until you get back.

2 The Situation – Jersey Shore
Technically, The Situation is not a fictional character, but… come on. Somehow, I doubt the real Mike Sorrentino behaves just like his reality show alter ego in real life because if he did then there’s no way he wouldn’t have ended up in jail or beaten to death by an enraged husband by now. I mean, this dude makes even Ben Roethlisberger say “Come on, bro, ease up.” Hardly an episode goes by when he isn’t cornering some poor girl at the club, feeling her up and whining at her to come back to the smush room with him. Even his fellow degenerate housemates think he comes on too strong and those dudes would sexually harass a baboon. And let’s not forget the time that he made a sandwich and then sat there in the dark and ate the damn thing while he watched his friend and roommate, Pauly D, have sex with some poor girl. I mean… what?

1 Mr. Belding – Saved by the Bell
Mr. Belding spent several years so obsessed with his arch-nemesis, Zack Morris, that he actually moved across the country from Indiana to California just so he could continue their little f’d up tango. He then spent the next few years uncomfortably injecting himself into the lives of Zack and his friends, well beyond the point of normalcy. I mean, come on, the dude even ended up vacationing in Hawaii “coincidentally” at the same time that Zack and the gang were there. I’m guessing he probably had pictures of Zack plastered all over his house. He probably called him to the office every day just so he could gaze into his eyes. But eventually Zack got away from him and Belding was left to settle for Zack’s scraps, namely Screech. The two of them developed some sort of bizarre relationship that saw Screech serve as Belding’s lackey the same way that he had for Zack. We’re just lucky the show ended before the inevitable murder/suicide. They would have found Screech dead and Belding sprawled out naked, a gun in his hand, a creepy smile on his face and a Zack Morris wig on his head. You know I’m right. And that’s why Mr. Belding is number one on this list. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a shower and scrub my brain with bleach.

The sitcom is a staple of the American television experience. Wholesome, simple, for years its familiar laugh track has served as the cue for us to turn off our brains, curl up on the couch and descend into a blissful, stupid nirvana. But beneath the placid simplicity of these shows which have contributed mightily to television’s well deserved nickname of the idiot box, there occasionally lies a disturbing world of weirdos, degenerates and outright freaks. We thought we’d take a look at a few of these shows and hopefully, through this, you can learn that sometimes the simple sitcom isn’t so simple, but is a roiling cauldron of sin, depression and utter depravity. Ahem. I’ll calm down now. Anyway, let’s do this.

7 Saved by the Bell
While, on the surface, this simple show about high school kids in Southern California seemed innocent and wholesome enough, the reality is much more sinister. First of all, Zach Morris was damn near a sociopath. Ultra-charismatic, good looking, from a fairly well off family, he was almost the teenaged version of Patrick Bateman. Zach did whatever he wanted whenever he wanted and didn’t care about the consequences. And he did it all with a smile and an easy charm. It wouldn’t be that hard to imagine a 30 year-old Zach ordering his good buddy Screech to dig a grave in the backyard while he chases a hooker or two through his house, naked, wielding a chainsaw. And don’t even get me started on Mr. Belding, that hapless old fiend. As the years go by, he finds himself sucked deeper and deeper into the world and personal lives of a bunch of teenagers. And everyone is fine with this! They even all found themselves “coincidentally” vacationing at the same Hawaiian beach resort. By the time Kelly and Jesse disappeared in the final season, I’m guessing Zach and Belding would have been running neck and neck in the suspect department.

6 Charles in Charge
Originally, young Charles, played by Scott Baio, was a college student hired to work as a live-in babysitter by the Pembroke family. I know if I needed to hire a live-in babysitter, the first person I’d turn to would be some random college dude. I mean… come on. But it gets weirder -– and far more disturbing — than that. Eventually, the Pembroke family is ordered to move across country by the good people at Nielsen and in moves the Powell family and somehow, Charles is apparently just sold right along with the house, because he immediately becomes the live-in babysitter for this new family. Hey, why not? I mean, sure, he’s just a college kid we found living in the basement of our new house and he has a creepy best friend who may be the horniest man alive and yeah, we have two teenaged daughters, but what the hell, it’s hard to find good help these days. Really?

5 Alf
This one’s sort of self-explanatory, right? I mean, come on, the whole plot of the show revolves around a nice, normal family essentially adopting an alien. Yeah, Alf looks like a Muppet and he’s quick with the jokes, but still, would you allow an alien to just chill in your house when you’ve got kids running around? Especially a slovenly, cynical asshole of an alien with a ravenous appetite? “Hey Alf, can you watch the kids while I run to the supermarket?” “Sure thing, Willie!” “Thanks, pal. Oh, and Alf? Can you try not to eat the damn cat or probe the children?” “No promises, Willie.” Sounds like a good situation to me!

4 Full House
Probably most famous for spawning the demon Olsen Twins and for Bob Saget playing perhaps the lamest man who ever lived, Full House was for years a staple of ABC’s TGIF lineup of shows. But what no one ever really talks about was how weird it was that Danny Tanner willingly created an environment in which his daughters essentially had three fathers all living under the same roof. I mean, it’s weird enough for a single father to live with his kids and two other single dudes, right? That generally doesn’t happen. But he basically let these two other dudes raise his kids right along with him. Hey, why not? Yeah, I get that Uncle Jesse was legitimately the kids’ uncle, but who the hell was Joey? Just some extremely weird dude who did weird voices and banged Alanis Morissette on the side. And then, after Uncle Jesse got married and had a couple of kids of his own, they still all lived together. What in the hell? Wouldn’t Jesse’s wife be all “Hey, yo, you think maybe we should get a place of our own?” I know San Francisco is an expensive city, but it’s not like any of these people were stone broke, you know? Friends are important, but this show carried that a little too far.

3 Everybody Loves Raymond
On the surface, there isn’t much about this show that is weird or creepy. But a closer look reveals this to be maybe the most depressing show ever to air on television. That may sound hyperbolic, but take away the laugh track and tell me this isn’t a show about a man drifting inexorably towards a tragic suicide. His mother is the worst person in the history of the world, his wife is a mean old shrew who constantly nags him, his brother is a sad sack loser who seems like he’s always on the verge of eating his own gun and his dad is a rotten old man who hates everyone. Sounds like a fun life there, Raymond. Again, take away the laugh track and this show is just depressing as hell. I’m surprised it didn’t end with Raymond’s parents being hauled away in body-bags after the inevitable murder suicide and Raymond driving his car into the ocean just to escape from it all.

2 Small Wonder
Much like Alf, the biggest issue surrounding Small Wonder is that it involves a father willingly allowing a dangerous creature/robot to live with his kids. But what makes Small Wonder infinitely more creepy is that the father willingly created a robot little girl with robot strength and no real understanding of human morals or emotions and then took the little girl robot home with him to live with him and his family. There are so many creepy things in that last sentence that I don’t even know where to begin. Why exactly did this dude feel the need to create a robot little girl? How does he justify the fact that he allows this robot, who can think and reason and probably kill, to live alongside his own son? How soon before the robot decides it’s curious about human anatomy and the dude walks in only to find the robot digging through the entrails and organs of his boy? At least Alf had an innate sense of morality. I mean, John Conner went through a lot of crazy shit to ensure things like this wouldn’t happen.

1 Hogan’s Heroes
This was a comedy that took place in a Nazi POW camp during World War II. This was a comedy that took place in a Nazi POW camp during World War II. This was a comedy that took place in a Nazi POW camp during World War II. This was a comedy that took place in a Nazi POW camp during World War II. THIS WAS A COMEDY THAT TOOK PLACE IN A NAZI POW CAMP DURING WORLD WAR II. THIS WAS A COMEDY THAT TOOK PLACE IN A NAZI POW CAMP DURING WORLD WAR II. How could anything else be number one on this list?